“Baa Baa Black Sheep, there seems to be some kind of misunderstanding…” “Really sir, and why do you say that?” “Well, as you’ll recall, I just asked you if you had any wool…” “Indeed you did sir…” “And you intimated that you have three bags full, presumably full of wool?” “That they are sir, full…
Month: June 2015
This Is Not A Poem
I didn’t know what to write today, So I wrote this, And tried to make it look like a poem But it obviously isn’t a poem. Although it may qualify as a poem, In the eyes of some It definitely isn’t a poem, And the word poem is overused In my defence, I’m not that…
James Complains – About A Shouty Man
Friday’s post signalled an end to my Blogging 101 days. Technically there were some follow-up tasks to do on the weekend, but I’d already decided the course was over, so there was no going back. However the final task did lead me to contemplate what regular features I might run on this blog, and the…
All you will find out by reading this is that I have a new football.
Today I bought a football. I know that there is something of an international readership of this blog, so I want to make sure everyone knows what I mean by ‘a football’. It’s an inflatable spherical object used to play a game of the same name. In America the game is called ‘soccer’ and therefore…
Arise Sir Blogger
Well it’s day 15 of blogging 101 and we’ve made it. Just one more task to complete and I can become an officially licensed blogger. So what have I learnt? Well the main lesson would probably be that blogging about blogging, even when you’re doing it ironically, has a limited appeal. I’d like to thanks…
You Need This Stuff
It’s been a refreshing two days of not gently mocking the rudimentary online learning programme that is ‘Blogging 101’, yet my last two posts were, in fact, assignments for said course. Some might say that my writing is more appealing when it’s not specifically on the topic of blogging. To those people I say… …well,…
The Room is Booked Until Twelve
Brian drained the last of his tea and looked desirously at the chocolate hobnobs that were, infuriatingly, just out of reach. Geoff leaned over and grabbed one, almost as if to rub it in. The ‘minute hand’ continued its leisurely passage towards the top of the clock where the ‘hour hand’ was waiting impatiently. Geoff…
Say Hello To My Little Friend
This is Humpty. You might know him better as Mr Dumpty. But I call him Humpty, because we’re on first name terms. Humpty and I have been friends since I was but a small child. Humpty was made by my amazingly talented aunt. My Humpty is not the original Humpty. The original Humpty was an…
Imagine This Title Was Something Clever About Blogging
It’s the final week of ‘Blogging 101’. Five more days of following an entirely optional course about blogging and being unnecessarily sarcastic about the whole process… Or maybe not… Maybe the final week is the time to get serious. I don’t want to look back and regret a missed opportunity when they decide on the…
I bet Luke Skywalker didn’t send a card either…
Disclaimer In the 363 words that follow this disclaimer, there are: 210 words of insincerity for comic effect, 22 words of heartfelt sincerity and 131 words of something else. End of disclaimer First things first. It’s Fathers Day today and I’ve forgotten to send a card. So if you’re reading this Dad: Happy Father’s Day!…
I wouldn’t even bother reading this if I were you…
I’ve just had an afternoon nap. It was quite pleasant. It’s possibly the icing on the cake of what has, thus far, been an eminently pleasant Saturday. I’ve done nothing all day. My beloved and I did venture out this morning for breakfast, but that was an act of labour saving delight. Since then I’ve…
All Blog And No Play…
According to my wife, my posts are becoming a bit niche… It’s true that ten days of blogging about blogging can take its toll. I need a rest from all of this. Fortunately it’s Friday and therefore the weekend, so for the next two days I can blog about all the cool stuff I do……
Tears Of A Clown
I didn’t think this through at all. I genuinely signed up for ‘Blogging 101’ to make this a better blog, but then I got all cocky and ‘clever’ and decided that, rather than discreetly following the tasks, I’d be all impudent and witty and openly mock the course like the class clown I always yearned…
Social Commentary
Day eight of blogging 101 and given my unhealthy need to write about each of the tasks rather than just getting on with them quietly like a good student, I absolutely cannot do today’s assignment. It is as follows: Leave comments on at least four blogs that you’ve never commented on before. I frequently do…
The One With Nothing In It
Welcome back to James Proclaims for another enthralling report about the travails of a novice blogger, who is trying to achieve blogging enlightenment through a series of prosaic tasks that are masquerading as some kind of insightful training. Yes it’s day seven of Blogging 101 and today’s thrilling task is: Create and upload a simple header,…
About A Blog
It’s week two of Blogging 101 and I have that ‘Monday Morning’ feeling, which is ironic for three reasons. One is that I’m posting this on Monday evening, two, I have vaguely disputed the notion of the ‘Monday Morning’ feeling, on a post that I wrote back when no-one was reading this blog, and three I…
An Infusiasm For Tea
Unlike me, my other half is not a coffee drinker. When I first met her, she mostly consumed diet cola, but she’s moved on from that phase and will now indulge in hot drinks like a proper adult. Most often in polite company, she’ll go for an English Breakfast tea without milk (she doesn’t ask…
A Tale Of Two Triangles
Until today I didn’t know what the word ‘taxonomy’ meant. Actually that probably isn’t especially surprising. It’s not a word in common usage. If you’re interested (and I’m less than certain that I am) the relevant dictionary definition is “a scheme of classification”. I looked it up because I was thinking about ‘Bloom’s Taxonomy’, which I…
Behold The Blog
Yesterday, after reading my post about who my ideal reader might be, my dearest wife looked at me with genuine sadness. “I don’t think I’m your ideal reader.” she sighed. Truthfully she didn’t really enjoy yesterday’s effort and struggled to hide it. I love the fact that she tried to like it though, indeed, given…
This One’s For You!
Day four of Blogging 101 and having used up all my naughty school kid metaphors yesterday, I’m going to buck up my ideas, knuckle down and do today’s assignment sensibly. It is: Publish a post you’d like your ideal audience member to read, and include a new-to-you element in it. Seems pretty straight forward. Except…
Plural Pursuivant
Day three of Blogging 101 and by now I’m the kid sitting at the back of the class, swinging on his chair and flicking bits of rubber at the other kids. The Blogging 101 teacher has called my parents to inform them that ‘I’m not reaching my full potential.’ My mum thinks it’s because I’m…
A Blog By Any Other Name
It is day two of my journey to blog perfection as I reinvent James Proclaims with the help of WordPress course Blogging 101. I’m now wondering if I may, in fact, have bitten off more than I can chew. There’s three weeks of this in total. I’m no expert, but if I just blog about blogging…
Just What Is It All About?
After yesterday’s lack of endeavour, I had really made an effort with today’s post. I was going to publish it this morning, but when I checked my emails I discovered that I’d signed up for a blogging course, run by WordPress, called Blogging 101. Part of the course is a daily assignment. I’ve shelved today’s…
Continuity Error
If I manage to write something today it will be my 15th post in 15 days, which isn’t bad going. On the other hand, I’m not certain I’m going to get chance to get to a computer today, or indeed have time to write anything. It’s quite a dilemma – I expect there’ll be a…
Je Me Fous Du Passé
I’m 36. I’m ok with that. Age is just a number really. You’re as old as you feel and all that. I spent most of my late teens and early twenties either drunk or with a hangover, so I’ve generally felt healthier since I arrived in my late twenties. I’m not exactly a changed man,…
Way Of The Sloth
Last night I did Kung Fu. It’s not unusual for me to do this on a Thursday night. It’s when the class is. I say I did Kung Fu, the instructor may disagree with my assertion that what I did last night was Kung Fu. He may, in fact, suggest that what I was doing…
Nee Naw
Sometimes I find it difficult to motivate myself to do anything. It’s not depression or anything like that. It’s just hard to inspire yourself when you’ve already achieved everything you ever wanted to… Well maybe not everything, I still have ambitions, but anything that happens from now on will always pale into insignificance now that…
Baking Bad
As I’ve stated previously, I enjoy a coffee on my way into to work of a morning. I’ve also shared the fact that I enjoy breakfast. Sometimes I combine these two pleasures and purchase both at the same outlet. I’m quite astute like that. One of these outlets has a proprietor who reminds me quite…
Guitar Hero
My imitation Fender Stratocaster only has five strings. The ‘high’ E snapped about five years ago and I haven’t bothered to replace it. It’s also out of tune. I’ve had it since I was fifteen, which is now a scarily long time ago. Back when I was in secondary school I was briefly in a band.…
The Puddle Polemic
Although I can drive, I tend, for the most part, to be a pedestrian. Currently I can walk to work and l live close to most of the amenities I need. I like walking places. It gives me an opportunity to reflect on the world around me and on life in general. Plus it’s good…
James Proclaims! 