Pete looked incredulously at the winged serpenty-lions gushing water into the fountain. According to his online guide, they were supposed to be dragons. But the heads were definitely lions. And the bodies were snakes. What do you get when you cross a lion and a snake? Not a bloody dragon that’s for sure. He was prepared to concede that the wings were dragonesque, but the sculptor had clearly not been watching the same films as Pete when it came to fire-breathing reptiles. Continue reading La Fontaine
If, like me, you realised about a year ago that this whole ‘iPad’ malarkey wasn’t just a fad and that maybe technology was starting to get away from you, then you too may have rushed in a mild state of panic, to your nearest Tesco, in order to rectify the situation.
Obviously not to buy an actual iPad – that would have been mental. Have you seen how much they cost? No, the supermarket ‘own-brand’ equivalent is more than good enough. It’s a thrifty and savvy purchase. Continue reading James Reviews The Tesco Hudl Replacment Charge Board Port Socket Micro USB Port
It’s probably best
When reflecting on the past
Not to focus too much
On what actually happened Continue reading How To Tell A Story
You’d never know it to look at me but I’m reasonably fit. Not athletic you understand. I have no actual ability when it comes to sport, but when it comes to taking part there are few people as gifted as me at ‘making up the numbers’.
I’m even a member of a local gym. Sometimes I actually go there.
“You’ve got to live life to the full,” Pete declared, through mouthfuls of chicken and leek pie, “you could get hit by a bus tomorrow and kablam! Then it’s all over before you even realise what’s happened!”
Alice knew her brother meant well, though he could have chosen a better example to support his argument. The village of Nettleton hadn’t had a bus service in over twenty years, so the odds of being hit by one seemed fairly minimal. Heavy-duty agricultural vehicles were another matter entirely… Continue reading Alice Accepts Her Fate
Do you get really stressed when you’re at the checkout, and always pay with a note, even when you’ve got the exact change in your pocket?
Then these plastic money bags are absolutely essential!
Because inevitably you’re going to have lots of loose change lying around.
And that can be annoying. Continue reading James Reviews – Fifty plastic money bags
Oh empty deodorant can
Why do you sit there
On my bathroom shelf
Mocking me with your emptiness?
I should have thrown you out
Several days ago
When first you stopped providing me
With forty-eight hour protection Continue reading A Little Less Perspiration
No-one loves an afternoon nap more than me. It’s a fundamental part of the working day as far as I am concerned…
I jest, of course- I’m a teacher, if I were to fall asleep at work I’d no doubt wake up with a very different hairstyle, a creatively drawn moustache and, in the same indelible ink, some choice expletives written on my forehead.
And that’s just what the other teachers would do… Continue reading James Complains – About An Unplanned Nap
Bromfell saw the village in the distance. It was a welcome sight. He had ridden for many hours and both he and his beloved horse, Alcris, were tired.
He patted the stallion’s neck.
“Not far now old friend,” he said, “soon we shall find respite.”
The smell of freshly harvested hops served as an extra impetus, for he yearned to quench his thirst, and the local ale had a fine reputation.
He tugged the reigns and Alcris picked up the pace. Before long they were entering the outskirts of the village.
A young man was walking by the road. Bromfell hailed him.
“Hello lad,” he said warmly, “is there an inn nearby, where I and my companion may quench our thirst?”
The youth gave Bromfell a startled look.
“Listen mate I don’t want any trouble, ” he said. Continue reading All Hail King Bromfell
This dressing gown is a must have. When you’ve had a tough day fighting Sith lords and Stormtroopers, there’s nothing better than kicking back and relaxing in one of these luxurious robes. Equally if the force isn’t quite as strong with you, or you’re now in your mid-thirties and therefore ‘too old to begin the training’, then there’s nothing to stop you from buying one of these and just pretending that you’re a Jedi.
Like I do.
All of the time. Continue reading James Reviews – A Jedi Themed Dressing Gown