I could have made this post about the horrors of having hiccups. Because I have hiccups as I’m writing this. But I didn’t know I was going to have hiccups before I sat down, so even though hiccups are the worst thing ever, I’m going to eschew the opportunity to rant about the misery they…
Month: August 2015
To The Manor, Forlorn
“We’re definitely lost,” Sally groaned as the path yielded yet more seemingly identical trees, “Let’s just go back.” “We’re not lost,” argued Matt irritably, “if we keep following this path, we’ll definitely get to the Manor”
Outstandingly Ordinary
Why is being average Never quite enough? Why must we always strive To be a cut above?
James Complains About Unnecessary Seat Allocation
About a week ago Mrs Proclaims and I went to see Jurassic World. It was an odd thing for us to do as we were both relatively ambivalent about seeing the film when it first came out and going to the cinema is not something we do very often. I think we’re now at a…
In Convenience
The vulgar chime of the shop door announced her arrival. Darren didn’t know her name. He knew that she worked in a nearby office. He knew also that she always bought a chicken and sweetcorn sandwich and a Diet Coke for lunch. And he knew she had a nice smile. He was certain about that.
Remnants Of Last Night’s Meal
Last night’s meal was lovely It went down very well But sad to say it’s left behind A less than pleasant smell
James Complains About The Etiquette Of Waving When On A Boat
I often go on river cruises when I’m on holiday. I’ve been on river cruises in Paris (I technically lived in Paris at the time but so many years have passed that now it feels like it was just a really long holiday…) Amsterdam, Vienna, Boston (as in Boston – Massachusetts rather than Boston – Lincolnshire,…
The Deadline
Rufus could barely keep his eyes open, but unhealthy levels of caffeine and sugar were just about preventing him from falling asleep at his desk. He took another gulp of his coffee. It was cold. Did he have time to make another? He looked at the screen. He felt like he had been staring at…
James Reviews Sudoku Themed Toilet Paper
What do you get the man who has everything? Probably not Sudoku Loo Roll. He’ll already have some if he’s got everything and no-one needs two rolls of Sudoku themed toilet paper. But if you’re trying to buy a gift for the man who never really wants anything, then Sudoku Loo Roll could well be…
The votes are in!
Last week I decided to peer review my tagline. It was quite an exciting day in blogging terms. I created a poll and invited the world at large to choose between my existing tagline and two new ones.
No Wind In The Willows
Badger went to call on Fox But Fox had gone to buy some socks Then Badger went to look for Mole But could not find that noble soul
James Complains About The Complexity Of Soup
Today’s diatribe is, as ever, about something trivial and unimportant that doesn’t really have any relevance to my daily existence. Nonetheless, it did dominate my thoughts for a whole thirty minutes or so earlier this week.
The Pre-Audition
Chantelle knew she had what it took to be a pop star. It was, as she explained to the young producer, indeed as she’d explained to anyone who would listen to her, a lifelong dream. Whether at nineteen years of age it was yet possible for Chantelle to have a ‘lifelong dream’ was perhaps a…
James Reviews a 16kg kettlebell
If like me, you have a track record of buying home fitness equipment and not really using it, then this 16kg kettlebell is just what you’ve been looking for. Unlike that enormous weights bench, which sat in your parents’ garage long after you left home, this kettlebell is relatively easy to transport. A cautionary note,…
‘James Proclaims’ Needs You!
Hello dear readers! There has been talk of late about the tagline of this blog. Most of this talk has come from me. It’s of little interest to the vast majority of people. Nonetheless, the ‘catchiness’ of the tagline has been brought into question. The current tagline is: ‘The irreverent and irrelevant ramblings of a…
A Really Boring Poem
I’m often hungry When I’m bored And I’m often bored It’s said that Only boring people Get bored
More About Me
In a controversial move, I’ve decided to redo Blogging 101 – the online blogging course run by WordPress. If you’re a longstanding reader (if you can be a longstanding reader of a blog which is still less than three months old), you’ll know that I did Blogging 101 in June. You’ll know because I wrote…
James Complains About the Most Comfortable Shorts In The World!
It’s a lovely Sunday afternoon as I write this. The sun is shining , the birds are quite possibly singing (I can’t hear any but it would seem churlish to rule out the possibility), and all seems right with the world. Which makes it really difficult to right a feature called ‘James Complains’.
James Proclaims! 