Saturday lunchtimes are often a conundrum for Mrs Proclaims and I. Most meal times are pretty regulated these days due to a highly efficient grocery-shopping schedule. (That’s right I’ve opened a post with the phrase ‘highly efficient grocery-shopping schedule’. This one’s going to be roller coaster of a post…) Essentially we get our groceries delivered…
Month: January 2017
Magic Moodles
What’s this? A bonus ‘Artist’s Corner’? After Friday’s stunning portrait of Mrs Proclaims and me, surely I’ve given enough art to the Blogosphere for one weekend? Well, yes, frankly I have. Yet I have been moved once more to display my formidable talent in the prestigious realm of the doodle. Ladies and gentlemen of the…
This One Could’ve Gone Either Way…
Welcome to another instalment of Artist’s Corner. After a slightly surreal couple of weeks I decided to go in a different direction this week and drew a portrait of Mrs Proclaims and me. The likeness is uncanny. Still, there was a slight chance that my beloved wife would be offended by the above interpretation of us……
Podiatric Problems
I’ve got cold feet Less because I want to withdraw From an undertaking To which I have Perhaps ill-advisedly Committed And more I think Because it’s January And I’m wearing neither Socks nor slippers Still, I sometimes wish That the UK government Had experienced slightly cooler feet Than they clearly did When committing to An…
Double Digital Detox
Just over a year ago my phone decided to spontaneously combust. Up until that point it had been a functional but nonetheless unglamorous model of smart phone. It was the best one I’d ever owned, but significantly less good than the phones most other people seemed to own. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I’ve…
A Singer Fit For The Job
Ok, if I’m brutally honest, this is just a rubbish picture of a singing pig that I drew a few weeks ago, while generating ideas for my new ‘Artists Corner’ feature. But then I realised it was quite a big day politically so, in the absence of any genuinely insightful satire, I’ve crowbarred this in…
Oh Dirty Mug
Oh dirty mug Tea-stained and forlorn How long have you sat there Unwashed Perchance unloved? And though my need is great For a beverage warm And comforting To refresh my soul I shall once again Eschew you Ignore you In favour of your Cleaner brethren In their ivory tower (Or off-white kitchen cupboard) Though take…
James Complains About Free Stuff
It’s a popular maxim that ‘the best things in life are free’. I’m less than convinced that’s the case. I’m not sure that there’s much at all in life that’s actually free, let alone the best things. In fact, so convinced am I that the best things in life aren’t free, that I actually did…
Gangster Cauliflower
Well technically he’s a ‘Gangster Cauliflower Floret’. But if this dude wants to drop the ‘floret’ and just go with ‘Gangster Cauliflower’ then who are we to argue? To be fair though ‘Gangster Cauliflower Floret’ is what he is, not who he is. He has a name. Probably. Maybe even a few hobbies. Perhaps when…
An Ode To Mometasone Furoate
Oh nasal spray though art So wonderful to me I take you at day’s start To ease my allergy And with your magic mists I really can take heart And live my day sneeze free As rhinitis desists
James Complains About January
I’m writing this in what can only be described as a foul mood. Christmas now seems but a distant memory and, although I’m sure I enjoyed it at the time, the net result of the recent festive period is that I’m now poor and fat. The return to the daily grind has left me so…
Introducing ‘Artist’s Corner’
Last week I was lamenting the fact that I actively got worse at blogging in 2016 when compared to 2015. And although I rather churlishly claimed in that post that I was going to endeavour to be even worse in 2017, in actual fact I’d like to be a bit better. Or, you know, more…
Leafing Through My Dinner
The first month of the year is not great After Christmas we’re all overweight And we try to be good Cos we know that we should But there’s way too much green on my plate!
We Have No Time To Sit And Stare
As of tomorrow morning the Christmas holidays are officially over. In fact the tree and decorations are coming down today. I know that Twelfth Night is not for another few days so it might be a bit premature for me to be halting the festivities but frankly it is time. It is time because Mrs…
My Incredibly Realistic And Achievable Goals For 2017
Well here we are in 2017. Lots of people are glad to see the back of 2016 but I think it’s a little harsh to blame a specific period of time for all the ill that happened during said period of time. Although the legacy of many of the events that occurred in 2016 should…
James Proclaims! 