That Sinking Feeling This limerick is something I wrote In work when trying to stay afloat My quest for buoyancy Meant metaphorically Because I’ve never worked on a boat
Month: July 2020
Mouse
Welcome back to Artist’s Corner, the bit of my blog in which I peddle the same material week after week in the hope that no-one really notices. The conceit is quite simple. I draw a picture, my very-nearly-two-year-old daughter adds a touch of colour and then I post it on here and pretend it’s art.…
Revealed: Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Coffee
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’. I like coffee. I drink quite a lot of it and I’m something of a snob connoisseur. But in all honesty I doubt I know ten facts about coffee that aren’t already common knowledge. It would be ludicrous to claim otherwise. Regular readers will no…
Important Information For Our Readers
Dear Reader Thank you for your continued loyalty and support during these past months, which we know have been difficult ones. As life begins to return to some normality, we want to reassure you that we’re continuing to do everything we can to keep you safe while still providing the quality poetry and great art…
A Bad Poem About A Different Bad Poem
Once I wrote a poem and it wasn’t very good I put it on this blog though I wasn’t sure I should It was quite well-received even though it was so bad It got more ‘likes’ than better posts and this made me sad I wondered if it was worth putting much effort in If …
One-Trick Pony
This blog has become Overly reliant on Incessant haiku
Rose-Tinted Road Rage
Stuck in traffic jam Screaming toddler in the back Was lockdown so bad?
James Explains The Mask Situation In The UK
It is officially mandatory to wear face-masks in some places in the UK as of today. It was already mandatory to wear them on public transport but previously it was not necessary to wear them in shops. According to ‘man of the people’ Michael Gove, it was basic good manners to wear them in shops,…
Pig – Encore
Welcome back to Artist’s Corner, the bit of my blog in which I pretend that fairly rubbish drawings are actually art. Lately I’ve been posting the same sort of inept doodles as ever, but with the added twist that my almost-two-year-old daughter had been adding her own unique take using some washable felt-tip pens. Last…
Ten Reasons That You’re Underperforming And Five Ways You Can Fix It
Just five years ago I was a mess, like you probably are. I was failing at life and I didn’t know why. Then one day I picked up a book by Dr Willhem Grimaldi and my life has never been the same. I realised that I had been making the same ten mistakes as all…
Arrant Adequacy
Battle writers block And maintain a blogging streak With meta haiku
Monday Morning Mollification
Never love Mondays But find them tolerable When I’m not in work
It’s Important To Have Standards
I like a cold beer But I drink responsibly I eat breakfast first
The Caffeine Compromise
I like good coffee But some mornings I find that Bad coffee will do
Satisfactory Staycation
This year’s holiday Not the dream destination Easy journey though
Pig
Welcome back to Artist’s Corner, the bit of my blog that, of late, has being playing host to some innovative collaborative art projects put together by me and my almost-two-year-old daughter. If you’ve not seen our previous efforts then I would urge you to reconsider your life choices, but I will also condescend to explain,…
Remember Vincent Montcetti? You Won’t Believe What He Looks Like Now!
Do you remember 90’s heartthrob Vincent Montcetti, star of teen comedy ‘Saved By The Prince’? It seems unlikely because I just made him up. And I made up the show too. The photo above is just something I found on one of those websites that has royalty-free images. I have no idea who the bloke…
Lost In A Bad Book
Oh paperback of little worth Why I bought you I do not know Within your plot there is a dearth Of a hint of narrative flow Clichés so bad they hurt my head Humour that leaves me without mirth I’ve gone as far as I can go And I will leave the rest unread
Reflections On The Recent Lockdown By A Man Who Might Be Slightly Inebriated
It will be Monday when I post this but, as I write, it is Saturday afternoon. Little Proclaims and I spent much of this morning doing our usual weekend daddy-daughter activities, which mostly consists of feeding ducks and jumping in puddles. I join in with the duck/goose/swan feeding as Little Proclaims, while content to hold…
A Rude Awakening
Lazy Sunday start Would be my preference but Toddler disagrees
Sunny Side Up
Saturday breakfast Not as healthy as weekdays But so much better
How Much Love Is In A ‘Like’?
Could write prose today But inferior haiku Tend to get more ‘likes’
Snake
Welcome back to Artist’s Corner, the bit of my blog in which I try to pass off rudimentary doodles as art. For the last few weeks I’ve been posting the same kind of sub-standard drawings as was my way when I first started doing this back in 2017. But these days I have a collaborative…
Lose Weight And Feel Great In Three Simple Steps
Hello, I’m James and this is my latest post on a blog I like to call James Proclaims. It’s not really a blog about weight-loss or fitness, although occasionally I have used my own lacklustre attempts to improve my health and wellbeing as the basis for some of my posts, which for the most part…
James Complains About Seven Delicious Biscuits
I enjoy a good biscuit as much as anyone. Pre-pandemic, when I used to have to attend meetings in person, I always felt slightly less hostile towards the meeting organiser if there were biscuits available. Not that biscuits could ever truly redeem any meeting, but when they were available they could help to ease…
We’re All On A Learning Journey
Lately I’ve noticed a tendency For so-called celebrities That I have never heard of To apologise for things That I didn’t know they’d done I can see at face value That it may seem appropriate To say sorry For insensitive choices Made when times were Supposedly less enlightened Even if the aforementioned times Weren’t actually…
Striking A Balance
I do exercise Because life is better when I can eat more cake
James Explains Independence Day
Happy 4th July everyone! Today is officially Independence Day in the UK! What’s that? July 4th is Independence Day in the United States? No, that can’t be right. Unless you mean the time that Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saved the world from aliens in 1996? Because I’m pretty sure that was a movie. And…
Throwing Stones
The other day I overheard two colleagues Disparaging another colleague (Behind that colleague’s back) For being overweight It irritated me For several reasons Not least because Although I’m not above The clandestine critiquing of others I would like to think That I would never do so For reasons so shallow And unkind As these people…
Dog
It’s that time of the week again, when I present one of my not-very-good doodles, which my almost-two-year-old daughter has subsequently embellished with her washable felt tips, and then I pretend it’s art. But the collaboration doesn’t end there, because by far the best bit of these posts for the last two weeks has been…
Massively Increase Your Followers In Three Simple Steps
Hello, I’m James and you are currently reading my latest post on a blog that I like to call ‘James Proclaims’. There’s a chance that you already know this of course and that you came here to sample my latest offering because you generally find my output tolerable. However, if you’ve stumbled here by accidently…
James Proclaims! 