Welcome to James Proclaims – I would like to offer our sincere thanks to you for choosing to further your reading experiences here.
You are following a great blog with a longstanding commitment to excellence and innovation.
At James Proclaims, leadership in poetry and satire is combined with a collaborative spirit and global connections. You will be reading a stimulating blog where people make discoveries which advance knowledge and improve society, and followers from across the world are encouraged to be independent thinkers.
Integral to our success is our international, diverse, and talented ‘follower’ community – a community which you have now strengthened. I hope you will find in this community kindred spirits who share your desire to gain new knowledge and ideas, and who will support you to develop your commenting skills and pursue blog posts that interest you. Above all, I wish you every success and hope, like me, you will find James Proclaims an inspiring blog to follow and invite you to register your interest for the forthcoming James Proclaims Induction Seminar.
J Proclaims
Inspiration Consultant
The JP Innovative Thinking Team
The James Proclaims Induction Seminar
Who should attend?
All followers who are new, or nearly new. You will be welcomed to James Proclaims by senior followers and have the opportunity to read posts from across the blog.
There might (but almost certainly won’t) be a presentation providing an overview of the blog. The event closes with an exhibition-style section, giving you the opportunity to comment on various posts with your own questions and observations.
Key areas
- Learn about James Proclaims’ history, the present day and its future
- Meet both new and existing writers from the blog, although they are one and the same person – just humour him.
- Find out about the lack of services and benefits available to our followers
Please note that attendance at the James Proclaims Induction Seminar is compulsory for all new followers. ‘Not knowing when it is taking place just because we didn’t tell you’ is not an excuse for non-compliance and anyone failing to comply will be given a stern talking to and, quite possibly, a disapproving look. Continued non-compliance may result in tutting in some cases.
James Proclaims! 
Oh dear! I really don’t want to be tutted. You forgot to mention “award-winning” in your description. https://blog.herbthiel.com/2020/08/05/award-winning-wednesday-james-at-james-proclaims/
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I managed to miss the post in which you gave me the award. I was visiting my mother-in-law that day so didn’t read as many other blogs as I would have liked to and completely overlooked yours. I will rectify that in due course, but I am genuinely happy to receive your award and I will in some way reflect that on this blog soon. It will likely be a throwaway line in an otherwise entirely insincere post, but rest-assured that that line will be sincerely meant.
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Hahahahaha! I understand. You have a great blog and if I were to ever visit the UK I would like to have a cup of coffee with you. Or am I required to take tea? Well, if you come here, you can have a choice.
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I mostly do coffee but I’ll drink tea if needs must. Mrs Proclaims never objects to me meeting people for a drink but she prefers it if I take Little Proclaims with me. So you could well meet both the stars of James Proclaims one day…
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That sounds woinderful. I would be charmed to have the privilege of meeting Little Proclaims.
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I always enjoy having to look you up on the blogs every time I get an email saying you’ve posted. It not only gives me something to do, it enhances the feeling I have that I was once famous…
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As long as you were once famous then you are still technically better than people who have never been famous. But obviously not as good as people who are currently famous.
I’m pretty sure those are the rules.
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This firm is definitely more professional than when I first came. Bloody shambles it was.
I was so ashamed of coming here I changed my name.
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We are delighted that you have noticed our recent improvements and we will continue to work hard to make further improvements. However, as to your point about the name change, I’m afraid that regardless of the rationale behind that decision, our records now have you down as a ‘nearly new’ follower and as such you will have to complete the induction. However, we have assigned one of our top ‘senior’ followers to act as your mentor. He goes by the name of Bryntin, and we think you’ll benefit enourmously from his knowledge and experience.
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Don’t you be sending me on any team building exercises with that mad b–Oh hello Mr Bryntin, nice to see you, hope you are well?
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Yeah, I’m just here for the weird art.
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Given the dedication and commitment you demonstrated during the ‘bands you’ve never heard of’ and ‘Star Wars’ periods that this blog went through in recent months, we feel you have already completed your induction to a sufficient standard and in fact we would like to offer you a promotion to ‘senior’ follower. There are no additional benefits to being a ‘senior’ follower, but you can make and wear your own badge if you so wish.
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I accept.
Does this honorific come with discounts.
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20% off the usual subscription fee and all you can eat at the fictional buffet.
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Fictional is the best kind. Less calories….
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I am terrified of stern talks and disapproving looks. Tutting is right out! Regardless of whether I know where and when it is… rest assured I will be there. No excuses from me. 😂
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Congratulations – a willingness to participate in the induction is all that is required to pass the induction. Anything additional to that would require far too much effort on our part. You are no longer at any risk of tutting.
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😅 thank goodness!
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Your blog is important to us. Please be assured that we will always strive to read, enjoy, and comment on, your most excellent blog at all times, provided we do not have any other activity that we may find more stimulating, enlightening, or zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………sorry, where were we?
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As an already established ‘senior’ follower, we really do expect more from you than this. However, in the absence of any other candidates, you can still be the chairperson of the fanclub.
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I really don’t know what to say. I am overcome with emotion. If I’m to be known as ‘Chair’ I feel I am under qualified, I only have two legs!
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You can job share it that helps
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With skills like these in BS I think you may have missed your vocation. I know of a government not far from us which will happily dole out contracts worth zillions to people who don’t know what they’re doing – I think you should apply 😉
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Thanks for the vote of confidence but I fear this is, at best, an amateurish homage to the level of BS they serve up on a daily basis.
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‘Amateurish’ fits their business model, though…
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I am excited to learn about the lack of services and benefits provided for me.
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As well you should be. The list of what we will not do for you is extensive.
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I’m just here for the free health care and award winning art. Wait, I’m at the right place, aren’t I?
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Certainly any health care we provide will be free of charge…
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I can speak only for my own blog: failure to read results in a deep and lasting sense of well-being… That doesn’t help, does it?
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It’s comments like that which will earn you a promotion to ‘senior’ follower any day now
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I look forward to the accolade which will accord with my forthcoming designation as ‘Senior Citizen’ consequent upon which I will lose all ability with the TV remote
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I appreciate the importance of attending this seminar. However, times are hard at the moment, so I was wondering whether there are any grants or bursaries available to help offset the cost of attendance? Just asking for a friend …
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Absolutely! If you would like to forward us your bank details, along with any major credit cards you hold and two forms of ID, then we’ll process that immediately for you.
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Thanks. I’ll let my friend know – I’m sure he’ll be pleased at the good news, as will his bank! 😉
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I consider myself a fairly new follower – so could I sign up with my blog address? My blog, of course, is thelonelymeatball.ca As you might remember, James, it’s a children’s poetry blog and occasionally has “other things”. Some people might look at this and think that I’m pushing my blog and those people would be completely misreading this comment. I’m just wondering how I can sign up for the introduction seminar. I’m thinking thelonelymeatball.ca might be the logical way to do that. I am definitely not into shameless self-promotion, although I’ll admit I have been in the past.
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If my induction were a real thing then you would just have passed with flying colours
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That is a comfort.
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