As I write this it is Monday morning, and we’ve yet to formally hear any details of Boris Johnson’s ‘roadmap’ to lifting lockdown. He’s going to speak later. But details have been leaked. And those details look suspiciously like the ‘roadmap’ out of lockdown 1. Is it unfair of me to compare our very real…
A Relatively Charming Post About Not Much At All
As I write this, it is 8:30 on Sunday morning, though it will be Monday by the time this reaches either of my regular readers. Thus far today I have completed a fairly taxing workout that mostly comprised of doing lots of press ups (to anyone from outside of the UK, the ‘press up’ is…
A Limerick That Is Self-Deprecating On One Level But Also A Bit Sarcastic On Another Level
My intellectual property Is not worth that much at all to me In the light of its theft I would not be bereft It’s already overpriced at ‘free’
A Rapid Rhyme That Continues A Recent Theme About Pandemic Overeating
When I can’t cope I look for hope In empty calories In salted snacks and melted cheese Food gives relief Though not without griefFor the less I abstain The more weight I gainAnd perhaps even worse The comfort’s inverse The more I find in chow The less my trousers offer now
A Rapid Rhyme About Drinking Beer
Recently I fear I’ve been drinking too much beer Though it might be less risky Than consuming excess whisky It has often been my way To knock back an IPA I find you cannot fail With a decent pale ale Though I’d probably be fitter If I eased off on the bitter I know I…
A Poem That Is Intentionally Boring
This poem is quite boring This poem’s not interesting This poem is monotonous This poem is tedious This poem is repetitious This poem is repetitiousThis poem’s unimaginative This poem is repetitive This poem is repetitive This poem is unimaginative This poem is repetitious This poem is repetitiousThis poem is tedious This poem is monotonous This…
A Rapid Rhyme About Poor Lifestyle Choices For Which I’m Making The Current Pandemic A Scapegoat
Oh we’re still in lockdown three Yearning to be free But you won’t find me whinging Instead I’ve started binging Boxsets, booze and food Whatever takes my mood I’m looking quite a state I’m more than overweight But it’s hard to really care If I’m not going anywhere And since I’m staying here I’ll have…
A Rhyme That Is Relying On Its Dissimilarity To Other Poetic Forms In Order To Justify Its Existence
Today I have nothing of worth to say But it appears that I’m saying it anyway And when I have nothing to convey Bad poetry often becomes my mainstay Indeed on this blog there’s a fine array Of underwhelming haikus on display It’s a tactic I tend to overplay In my quest to post something…
Virtual Participation
The other day I had to attend a conference of sorts. It’s not a regular feature of my job but it happens once in a while. In normal times ‘attending’ would have meant driving or travelling by train for an hour or so, rolling up at a venue, enjoying some free coffee (and hopefully a…
A Silly Poem For My Wife On Valentine’s Day
Please be mine On this day of Valentine It’s not like you have a choice So you might as well rejoice Because you are my wife And that’s a job for life Unless of course You have grounds for divorce But you’ve stuck with me this long To leave now would be wrong And if…
A Haiku About Why I Persist In Writing Haikus Even Though I Quite Often Disparage The Plethora Of Haikus On My Blog
Trivial haikus Statistically speaking Are quite popular
Another Limerick That Was More About Me Trying To Make Something Rhyme With The Town Of Reading Than Any Serious Attempt To Say Anything Of Value. Also It Is Still Not Autobiographical
Once a young man travelled to Reading He didn’t know where he was heading He was aiming for Slough But he won’t go there nowCos he’s far too late for his wedding
A Limerick That Was More About Me Trying To Make Something Rhyme With The Town Of Reading Than Any Serious Commentary On The Current Pandemic. Also It Is Not Autobiographical
There was a young man from Reading Who was worried about viruses spreading The television news Only served to confuse Now he was also scared of viral shedding
I Want To Help You Daddy
The other day I was giving Little Proclaims a bath. I say ‘giving her a bath’, but these days my main function is to get the water to the right temperature and then hover in the background while she plays with her plastic ducks. It’s certainly not an unpleasant part of the evening but I…
A Recent ‘Conversation’ Between Me And My Two-Year-Old Daughter
“Daddeee! My welleeee!” “Oh no, has your welly come off? Well I’m driving at the moment but I’ll put it back on for you when I can stop.” “Dadddeeeeee!!! My welleeee! My welleeee!” “I know sweetheart but I can’t stop the car at the moment.” “My welleeee! My welleeee! My welleeeeeee!” “I’m really sorry darling,…
A Post That Is Mainly About Watching Sport
As I write this it is Sunday afternoon. I’m watching rugby, which is one of the things I quite like to do. A lot of people might think that I like watching rugby because I used to play rugby. I have the physique of someone who might have played rugby in my younger days, before…
A Poem That Mainly Laments February
February is a short month Even when it’s long But if you think that brevity Makes it easier, you’re wrong February is still quite hard The weather is still cold And the days are still much shorter Than I’d like if truth be told Oh things improve toward the end Of February’s short stint Pay…
A Cinquain That Is Fully Aware That It Is Not A Haiku
Today I felt obliged Not to write a haiku I think I managed to achieve Just that
A Haiku That Is Somewhat Self-Sabotaging In Both A Specific And Wider Context
Is it ironic That I would not read a blog That’s mostly haikus?
A Poem That Encapsulates My Inner Monologue When I Go Running
I must have gone insane I’m jogging again It seems a bit perverse There’s a voice inside my brain Telling me to train My conscience is a curse My goals I won’t attain I’m still in the slow lane I think I’m in reverse Running in the rain Doesn’t help much with the pain In…
A Short Poem About Vaccines
Despite recent tub-thumping about vaccine supplies I for one have not taken my eyes off the prize For when this will be over, we are all none the wiser So I’ll forego my AstraZeneca and hang on for a Pfizer
A Haiku That Explains Who Is Really Responsible For The Slew Of Haikus That Appear On This Blog
People who click ‘like’ When I write rubbish haikus Are the ones to blame
A Haiku That Is Probably Slightly Less Interesting Than The Majority Of My Already Fairly Uninspired Haikus, Although In Some Respects One That More Closely Matches The Basic Requirements Of A Haiku Than Most Of My Efforts
On days when it rains I often think to myself I don’t much like rain
A Haiku That May Reveal More About My Poor Understanding Of Human Biology Than I Would Wish
When I exercise I may release endorphins But they aren’t grateful
A Haiku Which Is Ultimately A Filler Post But Which Is Taking Full Ownership Of That Status
Sometimes my blog posts Improve when I edit them But this one did not
A Cinquain That May Explain My Own Lack Of Style Though Ultimately Belies The Attitude Of My Younger Self
Look coolBuy clothes that are Overpriced at half price Though can any label improve Self-worth?
A Haiku About A Homophonic Cause And Effect
Misinformation Can easily cause you to Miss Information
A Tanka Which Contains Irresponsible Advice With Regards Managing Wellbeing
Sometimes life is hard It seems like all hope is gone But do not despair Until you have checked the fridge If there is beer, there is hope
A Poem About The Oxymoronic Nature Of IT ‘Support’
Dear IT support Thanks for your reply It didn’t really help In fact it made me cry I know how to send emails And I can use Excel (Though if I’m being honest I can’t use it very well) But when things just stop working I don’t know what to do And that is why…
Snow Delightful
“Do you want to build a snowman?” a young Anna sings plaintively to her older sister, Elsa, secure in the knowledge that this offer will be rejected as it always is. I know this because Little Proclaims, my two-year-old daughter, is a fan of the hit Disney movie Frozen. Well, less a fan of the…
A Tanka That Mixes Milk Metaphors In A Largely Pretentious Effort To Appear Profound
They say there’s no point In crying over spilt milk Perhaps they are right But what if the spilt milk is The milk of human kindness?
