This poem is not about Christmas So please don’t mistake it for that I’m already back into ‘work mode’ And considering being less fat No I’m not even thinking of Christmas As I write these words on the page I don’t have a craving for turkey And stuffing of onion and sage Christmas is but…
Tag: Christmas
Yet Another Rapid Rhyme About The Denouement Of Christmas
Back to work after Christmas break It’s all downhill from here Can’t dress in festive loungewear Can’t start the day with a beer My suit is now a little tight And I really can’t think why Perhaps I’ll mull it over While I eat one last mince pie It seems unfair to be back at…
Another Rapid Rhyme About The Denouement Of Christmas
So we’ve reached the end of Christmas (Well we’re there or thereabouts) And somehow I’ve survived Though at times I had my doubts But as the festive feasting Is replaced by brutal workouts I’m still left to ponder Why did I buy so many sprouts?
A Rapid Rhyme About The Denouement Of Christmas
Epiphany is still yet days away The fridge contains leftover roast But it’s clear that the holiday’s over Christmas Spirit has given up the ghost I’m not quite prepared to eschew The remaining Christmas delights But I need to get back to normality And have a few earlier nights So today the tree must come…
A Limerick That Mistakenly Blames A General Sense Of Discontentment On An Abstract Measure Of Time
Can it still be 2021? It’s almost but not quite yet done ‘Twas no 2020 But still I’ve had plenty And I hope that next year is more fun
Free Verse About The True Meaning Of Christmas
As I get older I’m not sure I get wiser But sometimes my perspective can shift And views I once held Now seem as alien to me As an actual alien might seem If aliens existedAnd I were to meet one of them My perspective on Christmas Has certainly changed Many times over the years…
A Rapid Rhyme About Overindulgence Between Christmas And New Year
Though Christmas is over It still lingers on There remain treats aplenty To feast upon I’m not sure I can stop With so much to choose And when I get thirsty There’s no shortage of booze Balance can be found With the occassional sprout Which I’m sure will allay The onset of gout. New Year…
Bonus Boxing Day
Yesterday was Boxing Day, but today is also Boxing Day. Although perhaps there is no such thing as Boxing Day. It depends on where you are in the world I suppose. I don’t think Boxing Day shares the same international reknown as Christmas Day. And my blog, insofar as it has a readership (which is…
An Etymologically Dubious Poem About Boxing Day
The day after Christmas Is called Boxing Day Although quite why it’s called this I just couldn’t say But perhaps after a day With excited offspring We need to let off some steam And step into the ring After all that excess It’s a nice change of pace To put on some gloves And punch…
The Seventh Annual Christmas Message from James Proclaims
And so this is ChristmasAnd what have you done?Probably not very muchA new variant’s just begun. Yes it’s another Covid Christmas. I’m all for Christmas traditions, but I’m not sure I’m a massive fan of this one. Still, it’s not like I had huge plans this year. I was always intending to stay at home…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 21
The 1991 incarnation of The Adams Family was my introduction to that creepiest and kookiest of families. Indeed, although I’m sure I saw the 1993 sequel, Adams Family Values, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen any other iteration of the franchise. Which is strange, because I really loved this movie when it came out. I’m…
A Haiku About Lessons That Can Be Learned From Father Christmas To Help Ease The January Blues
Christmas is over But like Santa I’ll remain Jolly and quite fat
On The Ninth Day Of Christmas…
On the ninth day of Christmas My true love gave to me A reality check, “Christmas is over Now take down the bloody tree!”
Another Twixmas Poem
The Christmas presents have long been unwrapped And the tree has seen better days But still the Twixmas party goes onThough it all seems a bit of a haze I’m not even sure what day it is Or when I last left this room I’ve eaten my own weight in chocolate But there are more…
A Tanka About The Perks Of Responsible Parenting
When my daughter asks For another chocolate I always say no Because like all good parents I’ve already scoffed the lot
A Twixmas Poem
Christmas Day is over But it Christmas isn’t gone Because the house is full of festive food So the party must go on I really must stop eating But there’s so much left to eat And chocolate’s now a staple It’s no longer just a treat I’m concerned that it’s not healthy And I’ve gained…
James Complains About Christmas Greetings
And so we enter that surreal period of the calendar, known to me (and possibly to some other people) as Twixmas, when Christmas is sort of over, but it isn’t really over because we still have New Year’s Eve to ‘look forward to’. If I’m honest I’ve never been a big celebrator of New Year…
Thinking Outside Of The Boxing Day
While I always like to write a Christmas Day post, I don’t always bother on Boxing Day. There are only so many times you can make jokes about festive pugilism after all. Still, I find myself with a few moments to kill today, as my daughter is enjoying her afternoon nap and my wife, who…
The Sixth Annual Christmas Message from James Proclaims
Merry Christmas! Sorry, my mistake. I forgot that Christmas had been cancelled this year. Being an established misanthrope I would have no doubt chosen to spend today with my wife and child and absolutely no-one else, regardless of any pandemics, so here at Proclaims Towers it really is starting to look a lot like Christmas.…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 24
And so another pointless Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films reaches it’s conclusion. Because it’s Christmas Eve and that’s how these things work. But what it the cinematic offering behind door 24 of The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films? Why, it’s only 1987’s The Princess Bride. Which came out when I was eight…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 22
Back in 2017, when I first started doing The James Proclaims Advent Calendar Of Christmas(ish) Films I included Rocky IV in the line-up. Because it is a bit Christmassy, albeit one of the weaker entries in the Rocky franchise. It is something of an oversight then, that I managed not to include the original 1976…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 15
There was something of a furore back in 2000 when Rene Zellweger was announced as the choice to take on the eponymous lead in the cinematic adaptation of the bestselling Bridget Jones’s Diary. How could an American play such a quintessentially iconic British character? I was not, personally, bothered by Zellweger’s casting because I had absolutely no…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 14
It’s probably fair to say that 2004’s Mean Girls was not really aimed at me. It is, perhaps lazily, oft-referred to a ‘teen comedy’. I was not a teenager when it came out, though I was considerably closer to being a teenager back then, than when I actually saw the film for the first time.…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 13
2016’s Deadpool is technically Ryan Reynolds’ second big screen outing as the eponymous antihero. The less said about the first incarnation in 2009’s X-Men Origins: Wolverine the better. It was not well-received. Which is a shame because on the evidence of the 2016 movie and its 2018 sequel, Reynolds was born to play Deadpool. Fortunately, as…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 12
1985’s Young Sherlock Holmes could, and possibly should, have been a beloved classic from my childhood. It ticks a lot of the boxes of the kind of light-hearted adventure film that would definitely have appealed to me in my pre-teen years. But it seems to have passed me by. Which is perhaps no bad thing with…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 11
Time for Door 11 of The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films and in honour of the date we’re going to ‘turn it up to 11’. Because today’s entry is the 1984 ‘rockumentary’ known as This is Spinal Tap, a poignant and compelling insight into the trials and tribulations of a touring rock band. Or,…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 10
1995’s Jumanji is an interesting concept (interesting enough to spawn spin offs and reboots in more recent times) but the movie itself feels a bit generic. Perhaps the special effects were good at the time, but they feel a little dated now. Not a great deal happens in the way of character development. The demonic titular board…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 9
1998’s The Waterboy is the kind of juvenile comedy you tend to associate with Adam Sandler. Which is maybe unfair to Adam Sandler because he has, in his time, been in some good films. But he’s also done a lot of this kind of thing. When The Waterboy came out I would’ve been 19. I quite liked…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 8
As with most Wes Anderson films, I didn’t really like 2009’s Fantastic Mr Fox when I first saw it, but I have come to appreciate it more with subsequent viewings. Still, while it often takes multiple viewings for me to ‘get’ most of Wes Anderson’s output, I generally don’t hate them initially with the level of vitriol…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 7
I was a pretty big fan of Kevin Smith movies in the nineties, but I haven’t really kept up to speed with much of his output in the last twenty years. I’m not sure why. I loved 1994’s Clerks and I’m nostalgically fond enough of 1995’s Mallrats (although it obviously isn’t as good as Clerks) to have continued…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 6
Door 6 of The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films and maybe it’s time to sort out that Christmas shopping. We could head to the mall. Except we don’t tend to call them that in the UK. I think we’d be more likely to refer to them as Shopping Centres. And we…
James Proclaims! 