It is New Year’s Eve and as such I am bound by the international blogging code of ethics to review the year that is about to end. The year in question is 2022, which, not being a leap year, was made up of 365 days. Some of those days were quite interesting. Some were not…
Tag: fatherhood
James Complains About A Lamentable Trip To A Supermarket
It’s been a while since last I blogged and in that time the world has gone from being predominantly concerned with a pandemic to being predominantly concerned with a war. This is hardly an improvement all things considered. Indeed so horrendous is the current status quo, that I need to acknowledge, from the outset, that…
A Post About That Is Partly About Phones And Partly About The Imagination Of A Small Child
It’s Sunday evening as I write this and thus the end of the first weekend after the post-Christmas return to work. It was not a vintage weekend – it started with a broken phone. A few years back a broken phone meant very little to me – I even once blogged about how little inconvenience…
The Formulaic James Proclaims New Year’s Eve Review Of The Year That Was
It’s New Years Eve and tradition dictates that I must review the year gone by for fear that no-one else will think to do it and the year would end unreviewed. Which would be a disaster. This year, the year that will be being reviewed is 2021. The best thing about 2021 was that it…
Another Saturday Chez Proclaims
When last I troubled the blogoshpere, it was at the end of a horrible weekend which saw Little Proclaims briefly hospitalised and the entire Proclaims family housebound while she recovered from her ailments and I grappled with a deadline for a course that it was in my professional interests to complete but in which I…
A Weekend To Not Remember
As I write this it is Sunday evening and I’m watching highlights of last week’s Reading Festival on the television. Specifically I am watching Liam Gallagher’s set. As I discussed in last week’s post, even though it takes place a mere ten minute walk from my house, I didn’t make it to the festival itself…
Of Portaloos and Potties
As I write this, it is Friday morning. I am at home, as has been the case for the last five weeks, because school is officially ‘out for summer’ and I work in a school. Not that I haven’t had a fair amount of paperwork to do in the ‘off season’ because I have. I…
Daddy, I Dropped A Wee On The Carpet
It’s Saturday morning as I write this and Chez Proclaims we are embarking on what is arguably the toughest challenge we have ever faced as a family. Little Proclaims is learning to use the potty. Given that she turned 3 a few weeks ago, we are actually rather late to this particular party. We did…
A Post About Bubbles
As I write this I am sitting in my garden enjoying what can only be described as a glorious Saturday morning. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and the general tranquillity is punctuated only by the delighted sounds of Little Proclaims who is running around the garden making bubbles with a cheap plastic…
A Post Designed To Encourage You To Wish Me Happy Birthday
Happy Easter everyone! Also Happy Birthday, if it is also your birthday. It is my birthday. So Happy Birthday to me! Having a birthday which falls on Easter Sunday is not like having a birthday which falls on Christmas. Mainly because it doesn’t happen every year, but also because people don’t conflate Easter eggs and…
Little Proclaims Takes The Wheel
As I appear to still be plagued by writer’s block, I thought I’d let my two-year-old daughter, known to her fans as Little Proclaims, take responsibility for today’s post. Of course regular readers will be more familiar with her contributions to the art world, back when I used to post her drawings on this blog…
A Churlish Celebration Of World Book Day
Happy World Book Day everyone! Because if you live in the UK, then today is World Book Day. If you live somewhere else then it probably isn’t. Because we ‘celebrate’ World Book Day on a different day to the rest of the world. Which means that we should call it ‘UK Book Day’. But we…
Come On Wales!
I am Welsh. Sort of. I was actually born in England, to an English mother and a sort of Indian father. My father was born in India, but moved to the UK when he was four years old. He grew up in England but moved to Wales when he was eighteen to go to university…
A Relatively Charming Post About Not Much At All
As I write this, it is 8:30 on Sunday morning, though it will be Monday by the time this reaches either of my regular readers. Thus far today I have completed a fairly taxing workout that mostly comprised of doing lots of press ups (to anyone from outside of the UK, the ‘press up’ is…
I Want To Help You Daddy
The other day I was giving Little Proclaims a bath. I say ‘giving her a bath’, but these days my main function is to get the water to the right temperature and then hover in the background while she plays with her plastic ducks. It’s certainly not an unpleasant part of the evening but I…
A Recent ‘Conversation’ Between Me And My Two-Year-Old Daughter
“Daddeee! My welleeee!” “Oh no, has your welly come off? Well I’m driving at the moment but I’ll put it back on for you when I can stop.” “Dadddeeeeee!!! My welleeee! My welleeee!” “I know sweetheart but I can’t stop the car at the moment.” “My welleeee! My welleeee! My welleeeeeee!” “I’m really sorry darling,…
A Cinquain About How Sundays Aren’t What They Used To Be For Some Reason
Sunday A day of rest Maybe breakfast in bed But if you live with a toddler Less so
A Tanka About The Perks Of Responsible Parenting
When my daughter asks For another chocolate I always say no Because like all good parents I’ve already scoffed the lot
Thinking Outside Of The Boxing Day
While I always like to write a Christmas Day post, I don’t always bother on Boxing Day. There are only so many times you can make jokes about festive pugilism after all. Still, I find myself with a few moments to kill today, as my daughter is enjoying her afternoon nap and my wife, who…
A Cinquain About How That Friday Feeling May Have Lost Some of It’s Shine In Recent Times
Friday Working week done Weekend begins at last Though perhaps not restful becauseToddler
Entr’acte
Welcome back to ‘Artist’s Corner’, the only bit of my blog where you can find the much-celebrated artwork of Little Proclaims, my two-year-old daughter. This is very much the final entry in the 2020 series, as all regular activities on my blog must cease next week in order for me to begin my usual festive…
A Thousand Words From Little Proclaims
Welcome back to ‘Artist’s Corner’, the bit of my blog that is currently devoted to the art-work of my two-year-old daughter. Last week saw the finale of ‘The September Sessions’, a nine-week extravaganza celebrating the art she produced on a weekend when she was a bit ill and I couldn’t take her our for fear…
The September Sessions – 9 of 9
Welcome to a very special ‘Artist’s Corner’. The ninth and final instalment of the seminal ‘September Sessions’, a series of drawings produced by my two-year-old daughter one weekend in September when she was a little bit under the weather and consequently not able to venture out in these germophobic times, for fear of inducing panic.…
The September Sessions – 8 of 9
Today is the 5th of November, which ordinarily mean it’s Guy Fawkes Night. This is because somebody called Guy Fawkes was quite bad at regicide, but to be fair to him, he was part of a bigger group of people who were all bad at regicide and he wasn’t even the ringleader. But for some…
The September Sessions – 7 of 9
We are, once again, at that time of the week when I post a picture produced by my daughter, with her washable felt tip pens, and make the bold claim that it is art. This particular bit of my blog has been going on for months but the last few weeks have been given over…
The September Sessions – 6 of 9
Hello art fans, it’s once again that time of the week when I try to pass off something my toddler drew with her washable felt-tip pens as actual art. Often people like to write critiques of said ‘art’ in the comments section. It’s basically the same joke every week and yet somehow it remains one…
The September Sessions – 5 of 9
Here we are, once again, at the bit of my blog that is devoted to the showcasing of ‘art’ produced by my two-year-old daughter. I assumed that this particular series would have petered out some time ago, but it appears to be still going strong and these posts are, seemingly, amongst my better received offerings,…
A Daddy Daughter Poem
The following is something that Little Proclaims and I came up with a few weeks ago. It’s more of a performance piece really. I’m not sure it translates to the page too well. But I’ve transcribed it anyway, because content is content. You’ll have to imagine the performance but if it helps, imagine the lines…
James Complains About A Man Buying Potatoes (But Not Specifically Because He Was Buying Potatoes)
It’s Sunday morning as I write this (though I think it will likely be Tuesday before I post it) and I am, to put it mildly, quite irritated. Possibly I’d go so far as to say I’m angry. And frankly my state of vexation is over something so petty that I should be able to…
The September Sessions – 4 of 9
I almost didn’t manage to post anything today, which would have been a shame, given that I’m only a day away from matching my best ever consecutive daily blogging streak. Given that I’ve been tending to use Thursdays as a day to showcase my toddler’s scribbles and pretend that they are art and given that…
A Poem About My Main Function As A Parent
I tell my child not to jump on the bed Instead she prefers to jump on my head She has the most adorable toes Though less endearing when kicking my nose But sometimes she does give my head a rest And chooses instead to jump on my chest My daughter is a little jumping bean…
James Proclaims! 