Lofty Ambitions

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Today I have a goal
A target I must hit
It really won’t be easy
But I’m not going to quit

I will persevere all day
Until I achieve my aim
I’ve failed at this before
But today I’ll up my game

It might be a touch ambitious
A bit beyond my scope
But if I try my best
Then there will always be hope

I feel that I am ready
I’m prepared to dig quite deep
I’ve done all the groundwork
Though the learning curve was steep

So today I shall prevail
I’ll not falter, I’ll not fall
Yes today will be the day
That I’ll do nothing much at all

Pedantically Proverbial

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Music has charms to soothe the savage beast
But it can annoy the neighbours at four in the morning
And even at other times of day
I’d imagine the savage beast
Is soothed by some genres more than others

The early bird catches the worm
Although in truth
So the late bird probably catches the worm too
There are plenty of worms to go around

He who laughs last, laughs longest
He’s really irritating in that regard
He takes ages to get the joke and then finds it disproportionately funny

Great minds think alike
Which is why everyone should agree
On everything
All of the time
Otherwise we might just keep on evolving
Like idiots

A bad penny always turns up
But as it’s still legal tender
That’s not necessarily a bad thing
Although these days, good or bad
You can’t buy much for a penny
Though a penny saved is a penny earned
Which, again, will have little impact on your finances in the short term

A watched pot never boils
Except for when it does
Eventually boil

Early to bed and early to rise
Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise
Although there is no medical, economical or scholastic evidence
On which to base this assertion
And when that idiot next door
Keeps trying to soothe the savage beast
An early night does seem futile

The Grass Is Always Greener

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If the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence
Perhaps that means it rains more on that side
Which may not be a bad thing
If greener grass is worth a little extra rain
Although it seems unlikely
That it would rain more
On the other side of the fence
Because weather isn’t generally that different
On two sides of the same fence
That generally isn’t how weather works Continue reading The Grass Is Always Greener

The Best Of All The Poems

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This is a great poem
With good words
Big words
The best words
It’s a great, great poem
Believe me
And together we’re going to make poetry great again
I can tell you
The press will tell you it’s not a great poem
But they…
What do the press know about poetry?
I know about poems
I know about poetry

And this is a very great poem
The best poem
The best of all poems
Believe me
But I have more words
New words
Better words
Words our poetry richly deserves

And I promise you now
That the words I will use
Will be very
Very good
Fantastic words
Truly fantastic
And yes
They will be the right words

To make the very best poetry
In the history…
To eliminate bad poetry
Fake poetry
Because we deserve
You deserve
Better poetry
And we cannot allow bad poetry
We must take steps
To demolish and destroy
Bad poetry
And bad poets

They are the worst
And losers
Yes
They are losers
And we must eliminate them
And defend our right
To have the poetry
We all deserve
The very best poetry
Poems like this one
Which are very very good
And not at all bad
As some people would have you believe

Those people are wrong
They are liars
This is a great, great poem
The kind of poetry we deserve
All of us
You’d better believe it

And we will make poetry great again

It’s going to be beautiful

Poetry In (Loco)Motion

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I wrote this on a train
It was poetry in motion
The train was running late
Which filled me with emotion

The emotion, though, was joy
For I was late as well
My tardiness well-timed
I didn’t have to dwell

Better still, I got a seat
An unexpected perk
As I headed to my course
And an afternoon off work

I didn’t hold much hope
That my course would not be dull
But at least the journey there
Was semi-reasonable

So I took out my pen
And wrote this little ditty
While heading at high-speed
On a train into the city

Con-For-Us

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The conference is a noble thing
A day when experts confer knowledge
In allocated slots
To us know-nothing mortals
Who have had the nerve
Up to this point
To work without their wisdom

Although in truth
There is little conferring of knowledge
Or new knowledge at least
Just a purgatory of PowerPoints
Regurgitating redundant recommendations
Everyone has heard before

But in amongst the allocutions
Of stuff we all already know
Sometimes we can dare to dream
For a keynote speaker
With enough charisma
To make the blindingly obvious
Seem like it wasn’t really so obvious

And if the conference
Is a sham
A lie
An illusion of innovative information
If it is indeed a con
It’s a convivial con

It’s a con-for-us

For while orating the obvious
Might be the order of the day
It is still a day
Away
From our average day

And if we’re lucky
A free lunch
Continuous coffee
And maybe some sweets on our table
Will help us pass the time

The Will Of The People

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Who is this ‘Will Of The People’
He that cannot be denied
And must be honoured, revered and obeyed?
I can think of many Wills
But none that strike me
As being ‘Of The People’

Not the Conqueror I’d wager
Or the one who liked Orange
And certainly neither Pitt Junior
Nor indeed Senior
And it really doesn’t seem
Like it was  Wilberforce’s thing

I doubt very much it’s
Shakespeare or Wordsworth
Popular in their own way
But less influential to modern ears
Than perhaps they were in days gone by Continue reading The Will Of The People