While You Were In We Thought You Were Out

parcel-575623_640

One thing in life
That I find quite frustrating
Is when I have to spend time
Endlessly waiting

For something or someone
That is due to arrive
At an unspecified time
Between 8 and 5

That’s quite a large window
And it makes me feel stressed
To spend a whole working day
Under house arrest

It’s hard to endure
Is it mandatory
To spend so many hours
In such purgatory?

And what is much worse
You can always depend
That the time of delivery
Will be nearer the end

But you can’t take the chance
That it won’t come at the start
So you have stay in
And wait in good heart

Hopeful that today’s wait
Won’t be quite as long
But after several hours
You’ll know you were wrong

And once the delivery
Window has expired
And you’ve wasted a day
And you’re bored and tired

Only then you’ll discover
That you dropped your guard
For at some point today
Was posted a card

That claims that delivery
Was attempted that day
Despite all evidence
Suggesting that there’s no way

That anyone bothered
To ring the doorbell
Or even to knock
So how in the Hell

Did they post that card
Without you being aware?
And why did they do it?
Do they simply not care

That you’ve wasted a day
For a package unreceived
And now all you feel
Is wronged and deceived?

And so after waiting
You’re forced to wait more
But now the delivery
Won’t be brought to the door

After twenty-four hours
It’ll have to be collected
Which is beyond irritating
And you feel quite dejected

Because if delivery windows
Must be so imprecise
At the end of it all
A parcel would be nice

 

An Awkward Encounter at the Deli Counter

James Proclaims (4)

food-159787_640

Saturday lunchtimes are often a conundrum for Mrs Proclaims and I. Most meal times are pretty regulated these days due to a highly efficient grocery-shopping schedule.

(That’s right I’ve opened a post with the phrase ‘highly efficient grocery-shopping schedule’. This one’s going to be roller coaster of a post…)

Essentially we get our groceries delivered every Sunday and Wednesday by a major supermarket. We do this because neither of us can be trusted to actually go to the supermarket and restrict ourselves to purchasing the stuff we need. Very often other stuff finds its way into the trolley. Stuff that is bad for us. Continue reading An Awkward Encounter at the Deli Counter

James Complains About The Perils Of Online Trouser Ordering

trousers-311729_640

Recently I ordered a pair of trousers from a well-known online retailer. I order lots of stuff online but very rarely trousers.

Normally I like to buy trousers in an actual shop because, in my experience, the various makers of trousers don’t seem to consult with each other when it comes to sizes and frankly, unless I try them on before I leave the shop, it’s something of a lottery as to whether they will fit or not. Continue reading James Complains About The Perils Of Online Trouser Ordering