Just Call Me Mr Milestone

James Proclaims (4)

In recent weeks I have passed quite a few significant milestones in my life. The milestones are, of course, metaphorical. I haven’t passed any real milestones. Or possibly I have when I’ve been out and about, but if that is the case I haven’t really noticed. In real life, actual milestones are a somewhat dated concept. We mostly have Sat Navs for that now.

But metaphorically, as we travel along the journey of life, which we mainly do by getting older and not dying, then we use all kinds of milestones to help us gauge how well we are doing. And this is important; how we could we really understand how unremarkable most of us are without these various milestones to crush our spirits every now and again?

Although occasionally, hitting a milestone might actually be a sign that we are doing things quite well. For example, earlier this month I posted my 200th post in 200 consecutive days on this very blog. This is the second time I’ve achieved 200 consecutive days of posting without a break but last time it resulted in me immediately having my longest ever period of ‘not posting anything’ since I started this blog. This time around, I appear to have continued the streak, so I’m now enjoying what is officially my longest ever period of blogging daily. Admittedly this would only really be an achievement if everything I posted was actually good. But some of it probably isn’t that good. Although it is also possible that all of it is not good.

But I didn’t start writing this post to brag about my peerless blogging skills. I’m certainly not saying I’m the greatest blogger who ever lived. That’s really for other people to say.

In fact, I have also achieved a couple of pretty significant milestones outside of this blog, where, as it turns out, I am a real person.

The first significant milestone was brought to my attention a couple of weeks ago, when I was presented with a certificate that claimed, with some conviction, that I have been employed by my current employer for five years. No-one was more surprised than me to discover that I have been gainfully employed in the same place for five years. But I have. Which means that my current job is the job that I’ve had for the longest out of all the jobs I’ve ever had. And actually by quite some distance.

I suppose there is some honour in achieving the ‘five years long service’ certificate, but it’s not that much of an accolade. It doesn’t really say that I’ve been an especially valuable employee for the last five years. It is really only evidence of the fact that I haven’t been so bad at my job that anyone has felt compelled to fire me. And actually, given that I have actively been seeking a new job since early 2019, it’s mainly evidence of the fact that I haven’t been very good at finding a new job. To be fair, I haven’t been very actively seeking a new role, but I have been to four interviews since January 2019, the last of which was a week ago, and each time I have managed to not be offered the job. I haven’t especially deserved to be offered the job in any of the four cases (either due to there being more qualified candidates or my own rather spectacular self-sabotaging) but it’s hard not to take these things personally. Not that I’m at all bitter about the experiences but I didn’t want the stupid jobs anyway.

Nonetheless, it was with a tinge of regret that I received my five-years-long-service certificate. Although I was touched that they remembered. I’ll keep it. But I probably won’t frame it.

However, the main milestone I achieved recently was this weekend just gone. I opened my front door on Sunday evening to receive my weekly grocery delivery from Tesco (other supermarkets are available) and with my delivery I also received a card.

Now it is not unheard of for Tesco to give me a Christmas card with my delivery, but even though the supermarket shelves are already full of seasonal fare, Tesco would normally have the decency to not give me a Christmas card in October. So I was perplexed as to what the motivation for sending this card could be.

And then I opened it and I felt so stupid. How could I have forgotten that such an important and seminal moment was imminent in my life? Perhaps the worldwide pandemic had caused me to take my eye off the ball. After all, supermarket deliveries were quite hard to come by for a few months. Nonetheless I still feel like a fool for having forgotten about this forthcoming milestone.

I opened the card and read the following words:

“Congratualtions on reaching your 250 shop”

I can only imagine that it meant to say “Congratulations on reaching your 250th Tesco home delivery”.

Still, it was an emotional moment.

How many people can truly say they have had 250 Tesco home deliveries?

I’m part of an exclusive club now.

I even have a clubcard.

Although I had that anyway. I don’t think the Tesco Clubcard is actually representative of any kind of club membership.

Although the first rule of Tesco Club is that you do not talk about Tesco Club…

Anyway, some pretty impressive milestones passed there I’m sure you’ll agree.

And which gives me the most pleasure?

The Tesco one of course. It came with 250 extra Clubcard points. Those things have a transferrable cash value.

Every little helps.

  27 comments for “Just Call Me Mr Milestone

  1. October 21, 2020 at 5:37 am

    From me you get 200, nay, 250 thumbs up and the opening lyrics to the Ramones song Blitzkrieg Bop; It goes something like ‘Hey! Ho! Tesco!’

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 26, 2020 at 10:47 am

      Well that’s stuck in my head now…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. October 21, 2020 at 6:12 am

    Very good milestone accomplishments by (just a second, I have to scroll back up and check my wording…) the greatest blogger who ever lived.

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 26, 2020 at 10:48 am

      Thank you for recognising my greatness

      Liked by 1 person

  3. October 21, 2020 at 6:15 am

    Oh, and were you aware that your featured image, the fifty-mile marker, was from a card game called “Mille Bourne?” We used to play it a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 26, 2020 at 10:49 am

      I used to play it too, but hadn’t noticed until you pointed it out. It’s been a while since I played it though.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. October 21, 2020 at 6:53 am

    If you have a delivery once a week you will soon be clocking up five years with Tesco. However, perhaps you should change to Sainsburys so you can collect Lego cards for your daughter.

    Liked by 2 people

    • October 26, 2020 at 10:50 am

      The Lego cards are appealing (for me – never mind my daughter) but Nectar points are less valuable than Clubcard points so it’s a difficult choice to make.

      Liked by 1 person

      • October 26, 2020 at 10:56 am

        Yes, I have yet to see any benefit from my Nectar card and now with Covid they expect us to swipe it ourselves and it never works. ps Customers who are unaware of the exciting gift of Lego cards are left standing in confusion when masked staff ask in muffled speech dyanlegcrrds…

        Liked by 1 person

  5. October 21, 2020 at 1:52 pm

    Congratulations on achieving something. I’m not quite sure what, but it really is a privilege to know you. Well, not know you, ’cause I don’t. Anyway, well done. I think we both have been!

    Liked by 3 people

    • October 26, 2020 at 10:51 am

      The privilege, insofar as there is any, is all mine

      Liked by 1 person

  6. October 21, 2020 at 1:52 pm

    I feel like I should say congratulations but can’t bring myself to actually do it…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. October 21, 2020 at 1:54 pm

    Personally, I have had nowhere near 250 Shop at Tesco. Congratulations! Here in the States we mostly have mile markers which are made out of fiberglass or something, not stone. I would think that running into a milestone would do significant damage to either your body or an automobile, so it may be just as well that the milestones are figurative.

    Liked by 2 people

    • October 26, 2020 at 10:53 am

      I assume your lack of Tesco Shop is because Tesco doesn’t exist in the States. Which is a pretty lazy rationale if you ask me.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. October 21, 2020 at 2:34 pm

    Well I, personally, walk past several Roman stone milestones everyday. It gives me no sense of achievement whatsoever – they weren’t, after all, put there for my benefit – and I am now seriously hacked off about it. That my failings should be laid bare for all to see by the greatest blogger that ever lived is nothing short of a national disgrace. If I had any idea where he lived I would gather up my entire readership – I have a Ford Fiesta, so all five of us would fit in it – and pay him a visit to sort this out face to face. I am devastated by his indifference.

    I have never had a Tesco delivery…

    Liked by 2 people

  9. October 21, 2020 at 6:43 pm

    Hey, take the happiness where you can get it. I have never had a delivery from Tesco, never received a 5 year certificate, and never been a part on an exclusive club. I did run into a milestone once and the city made me pay for the damage i caused. I am also very good at not getting jobs I interview for. So hat’s off to you I am having an ale in your honor, perhaps several.

    Keep a song in your heart and laughter on your lips

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 26, 2020 at 10:56 am

      There are few achievements that compare to doing the same underwhelming job for five years, so I hope you one day get to cross that off your bucket list…

      Liked by 1 person

  10. October 21, 2020 at 9:26 pm

    We don’t have Tesco in North America but once in Newcastle I got lost in one. I felt like Ali Baba. Total Congrats on your 250th. cheers

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 26, 2020 at 10:57 am

      Getting lost in Tesco is something of a rite of passage here in the UK, so I’m delighted you got to experience it on your visit.

      Liked by 1 person

      • October 26, 2020 at 10:39 pm

        It was up there with Big Ben. cheers

        Liked by 1 person

  11. October 21, 2020 at 11:10 pm

    Enjoy all of those little victories! Consecutive posts! Sharing of fun and insights! Be proud of your work and efforts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 26, 2020 at 10:58 am

      I am ridiculously proud of the consecutive posts

      Liked by 1 person

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