When condemning tanks As just brutal war machines One often forgets The fact that tanks also make Some lovely homes for goldfish
Tag: humor
The September Sessions – 2 of 9
Hello and welcome back to ‘Artist’s Corner’, the bit of my blog that is currently paying tribute to the peerless artistic talents of my 2-year-old daughter. I say peerless, but in all honesty I’ve never seen any of the art that her peers produce. If indeed she has peers. Can you have peers when you’re…
A Poem About How To Rhyme When Writing A Poem
When trying to rhyme, it isn’t a crime To use the same word twice Or thrice or quatrice Quatrice is not a real word But it isn’t all that absurd To make up words If you poetate with a valid license But never poetate without a license Otherwise people won’t be able to tell That…
A Haiku About The Benefits Of The Brevity Of Haikus
Some people dislike Overly long poetry I understanza
A Villanelle About Trying To Write A Villanelle
I wanted to improve my poetry So I tried to write a villanelle I thought it would be easy The first stanza went quite well But I slowly began to see It was difficult to foretell How successful I might be Whether I could really excel Or was this form beyond me? I knew I…
Exclusive! An Interview With James Proclaims
For the last five years, little has been known about the mysterious figure behind the multi-award nominated blog, ‘James Proclaims’. Apart from the blog posts of course. But what can you really tell about a person from a blog post? Well, possibly quite a lot. Or maybe nothing at all. Have the utterings of the…
A Haiku About the Limitations Of Haikus
I have much to say But seventeen syllables Can be reductive
James Explains How To Blog
Hello bloggers and bots, it’s James here, off of the multi-award nominated blog, ‘James Proclaims’. I’ve been at this blogging malarkey for over five years now (if we ignore all the blogs I started and then abandoned in the preceding years. Of which there were a few) so I’m something of an expert. Indeed after…
James Explains How To Comment
Hello fellow bloggers, bots and the unlikely but still plausible person who reads this and is neither a blogger nor a bot. Today I’d like to talk about commenting on blogs. Because I’ve noticed that some people are prone to do so on this blog and, to put it bluntly, not everyone is getting it…
A Friday Haiku
Haikus on FridayAre tonally more upbeatThan Monday haikus
An Urgent Appeal On Behalf Of The James Proclaims Foundation
At this difficult time, it is easy to forget those less fortunate than ourselves, but here at The James Proclaims Foundation, we refuse to abandon those who are in need of our support. Over the last few months we have been working tirelessly to continue to provide essential services to people like ‘James’. James is…
The Insurance Industry Doesn’t Want You To Know About This Simple Life Hack Which Could Save You Thousands
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog ‘James Proclaims’. You may have clicked on this post on the basis that the title suggests it contains some kind of life hack for saving money – money which you would otherwise lose to the insurance industry. In reality this post contains nothing of the sort. I…
A Touch Of Insincerity
The last thing I wanted to do today was upset you But I’ve been feeling quite stressed Because I’ve had so much to do A really long list of things I intended to complete And frankly I was worried that I wouldn’t have time So it’s come as something of a relief That I have…
Please Read – This Post Contains Important Information Regarding a Forthcoming Induction Seminar For New Followers
Welcome to James Proclaims – I would like to offer our sincere thanks to you for choosing to further your reading experiences here. You are following a great blog with a longstanding commitment to excellence and innovation. At James Proclaims, leadership in poetry and satire is combined with a collaborative spirit and global connections. You…
Wanted – Talented Writers Who Have No Personal Ambition And Are Happy To Give Away Content For No Remuneration Or Credit
A exciting opportunity has arisen for a creative, results focused and ambitious Content Writer who can take direction from written or spoken ideas and convert them seamlessly into quality content that is better than the stuff we’re currently churning out. James Proclaims Ltd James Proclaims is a multiple award-nominated blog based in the UK somewhere.…
Revealed: Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Coffee
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’. I like coffee. I drink quite a lot of it and I’m something of a snob connoisseur. But in all honesty I doubt I know ten facts about coffee that aren’t already common knowledge. It would be ludicrous to claim otherwise. Regular readers will no…
Important Information For Our Readers
Dear Reader Thank you for your continued loyalty and support during these past months, which we know have been difficult ones. As life begins to return to some normality, we want to reassure you that we’re continuing to do everything we can to keep you safe while still providing the quality poetry and great art…
Remember Vincent Montcetti? You Won’t Believe What He Looks Like Now!
Do you remember 90’s heartthrob Vincent Montcetti, star of teen comedy ‘Saved By The Prince’? It seems unlikely because I just made him up. And I made up the show too. The photo above is just something I found on one of those websites that has royalty-free images. I have no idea who the bloke…
Don’t Call It A Comeback
It is the 18th November, which quite possibly means that Christmas is nearly upon us. It also means that I haven’t troubled the blogosphere for a good four months. At least I imagine it’s been a good four months if you really don’t like my writing. But then I would hypothesise that you wouldn’t be…
It’s All Kicking Off
It’s been a while since I last blogged. Possibly that is due to a certain amount of blogging fatigue accrued during the ‘200 posts in 200 days’ marathon of blogging that preceded this latest hiatus. Or possibly I had nothing to say. Then again, having nothing to say has never been a particular barrier before.…
Unleash Your Lethargy
Sorry that I didn’t Do that thing I said I’d do I didn’t get around to it Because I didn’t want to It’s not that I am lazy (Though you could say that of me) But I really see no purpose In being as busy as a bee It’s hard to really care about A…
James Explains Toppling Penguins Amongst Other Things
Welcome back to another James Explains, the place where I answer the questions that no-one else can. Mostly because they weren’t asked those questions. I was. So I will answer them. Because it would be rude not to. Tragically Uncool has noticed the fairly regular posting of stuff on this blog of late and asks…
All That Twitters Is Not Trolled
As part of my never ending quest to be able to have my cake and eat it, and then have another slice of cake and eat that too, I have recently taken up swimming. I mean I had swum before, I used to do it quite a lot as a child, and then for a…
There Is No ‘I’ In T-E-A-M
There are things that I am bad at Which are a strength of yours So if we work together We might accomplish more It seems to make more sense For our skills to be combined If we share our talents We can leave our woes behind It won’t be a partnership Built on equality My…
Lofty Ambitions
Today I have a goal A target I must hit It really won’t be easy But I’m not going to quit I will persevere all day Until I achieve my aim I’ve failed at this before But today I’ll up my game It might be a touch ambitious A bit beyond my scope But if…
Desperate Lover
I know I said I’d write A poem about you But I can’t do it now Cos I really need the loo You know that I adore you And I would try to write it first But I just can’t hold it in Cos I’m about to burst My poem will be lovely I’m sure…
James Explains Some Stuff That No-one Asked Him To Explain
Welcome back to another James Explains. It’s been a while since I last donned my explaining socks (which are, essentially, just ordinary socks that I’ve chosen to call ‘explaining socks’), to answer the questions posed to me by other people. People like you. Assuming you are people. Which is the only assumption I can make,…
Good Intentions, Bad Results
This morning I didn’t shower Because I wanted to exercise And it seemed pointless to shower Before I exercised But the day went on And I didn’t exercise Because the requisite motivation Escaped me And everytime I found motivation Something else came up Like meals Meals got in the way Because you can’t exercise Immediately…
James’ Shamelessly Nostalgic A-Z Of Cartoon Characters That He Liked As A Child – Part 21: Uni
Today I’m looking at ‘U’. Because that it the letter we’re up to in my A-Z of cartoon characters of my childhood. But, and I know this seems grammatically incorrect (even though it isn’t) – who is ‘U’? ‘U’ is for Uni (the Unicorn) Dungeons and Dragons was a pretty dark show as kids cartoons…
Forlornly Fatigued
Sometimes when I feel tired I’m not really that nice And it’s better to avoid me Or make interactions more concise I don’t mean to be so grumpy Like a bear with a sore head But I’m not very good at coping When I spend too little time in bed I’ll be much better tomorrow…
Domestic Drudgery
Oh carpet on the floor What’s with all the crumbs? I vacuumed only last week From where did they all come? I’m sure that I just ironed All those crumpled shirts That they need another pressing Rather disconcerts Those dirty plates and cups Are back sitting in the sink But I only washed them yesterday…
