I know I said I’d write
A poem about you
But I can’t do it now
Cos I really need the loo
You know that I adore you
And I would try to write it first
But I just can’t hold it in
Cos I’m about to burst
My poem will be lovely
I’m sure you will agree
But it’s hard to be creative
When you badly need to pee
It might be disappointing
And you might feel aggrieved
But I can’t find the right words
Until I feel relieved
So please excuse me now
I’m afraid I must disperse
But I’ll soon be in a state
To woo you better with my verse
How do I love thee, let me count the ways
Although perhaps counting is not for now
When I’m trying my best to express how
I feel about you today of all days
Maths is not a noted way to give praise
Quantity of sentiments won’t allow
Expressions of feelings of love to thou
Indeed, and I feel that I must paraphrase
Enumerating is not effective
When expressing affection and love
To the person who I claim to adore
A better solution might be to give
A more considered declaration of
Passion with which to build up our rapport
Welcome to another instalment of Artist’s Corner.
After a slightly surreal couple of weeks I decided to go in a different direction this week and drew a portrait of Mrs Proclaims and me.
The likeness is uncanny.
Still, there was a slight chance that my beloved wife would be offended by the above interpretation of us…
Fortunately she found it charming and has even kept the original paper copy for herself.
Then again, with ‘talent’ like mine, there’s every chance that scrap of paper could be worth millions one day.
She’s very shrewd, that wife of mine…
Not actually free or indeed ‘the best things’…
It’s a popular maxim that ‘the best things in life are free’.
I’m less than convinced that’s the case.
I’m not sure that there’s much at all in life that’s actually free, let alone the best things.
In fact, so convinced am I that the best things in life aren’t free, that I actually did a bit of research prior to writing this particular diatribe.
Not too much research obviously, I wouldn’t want my usual ill-informed and meaningless stream of consciousness to be overly influenced by ‘facts’.
Continue reading James Complains About Free Stuff