Calories Are Not Just For Christmas

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It’s not that I’m sick of the festive fare
But there still seems to be lots of it everywhere
And it’s hard to stop eating high calorie treats
When the cupboards are full of chocolates and sweets

Willpower has never been a friend of mine
If temptation is there then I’ll rarely decline
And though I should clearly be trying to lose weight
I’d rather indulge in food that tastes great

But alas that means the future is bleak
For my waistline is as large as my resolve is weak
And this problem’s not going to end anytime soon
I’ve got enough chocolate to last until June

So the only solution that I can see
Is to forget the diet and set myself free
To eat all I want till all of it’s gone
And buy bigger trousers that I can get on

Supernatural Indifference

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Today is All Hallows Eve, or Halloween as it known in some circles. It’s a day which overwhelms me with terror.

Though it is not a phobia of phantoms, a horror of harpies or a dread of Dracula that fills me with fear.

I have no worries about witches, warlocks or werewolves, no stress over spirits and spectres and certainly no unease over the undead.

But I dislike the 31st of October for several reasons.

The first reason is the ridiculous pretence that Halloween is a holiday. It is not a holiday. I had to go to work today.

Secondly, I’m bothered by the perplexing notion that because ‘it’s Halloween’ children wearing masks can knock on my door and ask for sweets on the basis that failure to provide them with sweets will result in some kind of ‘trick’ being played upon me. Why does Halloween suddenly legalise blackmail? Normally I avoid this issue by switching off all the lights and refusing to answer the door. I would rather sit in the dark all night than fall victim to this outrageous extortion.

Also, there are no sweets here.

I mean there were sweets here, but I got hungry.

Alas today I have made the foolish error of ordering my grocery delivery for this evening, which means I can hardly ignore the doorbell all night. But I will be most disappointed if, upon opening the door, I am not greeted with an array of essential foodstuffs and am instead greeted by small people covered in sheets demanding treats.

My third reason for disliking Halloween is because it’s the last day of it not being November, before I have to tolerate 30 days of it being November.

November is a dreadful month.

January is also an awful month.

To be honest I only tolerate December because of Christmas.

Ah Christmas – now there’s a holiday. Two glorious weeks off work, fabulously festive food, and people even buy me presents.

Of course, I’m also expected to buy them presents but no holiday is perfect.