I have no Tifications And that makes me sad Because life with no Tifications Is quite clearly bad There are no emojions That could ever quite convey The true depth of my FOMO At the lack of tificating on display I do not like the appsence Of likes upon my page And I really cannot…
Tag: blogging
A Blog Post About Watching Sport On The Telly
As I write this, Team GB has just won a bronze medal in the noble sport of dressage. I don’t know much about dressage, it looks like dancing horses and doesn’t really seem like a sport, but, as has been the case for most Olympic games during my lifetime and certainly since, like many of…
The Anticlimactic Nature Of The Thousandth Post
It’s time to crack open the bubbly. No, not champagne. I can’t really justify the cost of champagne for an occasion such as this. To be honest even cava or prosecco would be overdoing it. I think I could stretch to a glass of sparkling Lambrini. And a cake. There must always be cake. For…
A Post About Bubbles
As I write this I am sitting in my garden enjoying what can only be described as a glorious Saturday morning. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and the general tranquillity is punctuated only by the delighted sounds of Little Proclaims who is running around the garden making bubbles with a cheap plastic…
A Post About Not Blogging With A Brief Interlude About Vaccines
As I write this, it has been just under a month since I last posted anything on this blog. By the time this actually hits the blogosphere, it will have been just over a month. I’m writing this on Friday but I intend for my ‘comeback’ to be on Monday. According to the Gods of…
May The May Be With You
Long time readers will know that last May I spent the entire month blogging about nothing but Star Wars on the flimsy premise that people often regard the fourth of May as ‘Star Wars Day’ (because you can say ‘May the Fourth be with you’ on that day and only a few people will think…
A Redundant Post To Announce My Return To Blogging After An All Too Brief Hiatus
Hello dear readers. After announcing that I would be having a break from blogging just over a week ago, I’m now announcing my return. This does presuppose that anyone cares, which is, perhaps, too great an assumption all things considered. On the other hand, if I didn’t announce my return then how would anyone know…
Ten Important Things I Have Learned After Blogging Every Day For A Year
Today marks my 365th post in 365 days. I have managed to write a post every single day for an entire year. That I accomplished this by writing a lot of syllable-based poetry should not detract from the fact that it is, none-the-less, a stellar achievement. I deserve all the plaudits I’m inevitably going to…
A Sort Of Penultimate Post
Yesterday I posted a haiku that, as with all my haikus, failed to meet most of the criteria to qualify as a haiku, and might, instead, be more accurately described as a senryu. Indeed it might be even more accurate to describe it as a small collection of words. Irrespective of its credentials, however, the…
A Haiku To Announce A Temporary (Though Worryingly Non-Specific) Cessation Of Haikus On This Blog
I confirm today A welcome period of Haiku amnesty
A Haiku That Is Not Entirely Sure What Day It Is
Written yesterday In anticipation of Posting tomorrow
A Haiku That Fully Embraces Its Mediocrity
This haiku is ok For all it could be better It could still be worse
The Key Ingredients To A Good Blog Post
James Proclaims is made with the finest selection of high-quality verbs and suffixes, punctuated by a delicate array of commas, colons and apostrophes. We don’t use any artificial adjectives in any of our posts and all of our exclamations are free-range. James Proclaims can be enjoyed as part of a balanced reading diet but is…
An Exclusive Offer From James Proclaims
With the end of lockdown in sight it’s time to start making plans and at James Proclaims, we would like to help you to to make the most of the New Normal, with exclusive access to our new outdoor blogging club. Take advantage of our pre-opening offer and get your first month free and no joining…
The James Proclaims Brand Guarantee
RETURN POLICYLast updated March 14, 2021 Thank you for choosing to read this post. We are very proud of our posts here at James Proclaims and hope you are happy with your choice of reading material. However, if you are not completely satisfied with your purchase for any reason, you may return it to us for a…
A Formal Apology From James Proclaims
We at James Proclaims fully recognise our role in the continuing propagation of low-quality, ill-informed content that continues to plague the blogosphere. In particular, we cannot ignore our contribution to the unhelpful trend of publishing mediocre, and occasionally very bad poetry. Our continuing barbarism of the once elegant Haiku form is particularly troubling and does…
Little Proclaims Takes The Wheel
As I appear to still be plagued by writer’s block, I thought I’d let my two-year-old daughter, known to her fans as Little Proclaims, take responsibility for today’s post. Of course regular readers will be more familiar with her contributions to the art world, back when I used to post her drawings on this blog…
Another Rhyme That Serves A Purpose
I don’t know if the problem is that I’m uninspired Or if it’s just a case that I’m a little overtired But lately I’ve been struggling to locate my muse I’ve checked and it’s not hiding in either of my shoes I’m sure that other bloggers have experienced my plight It’s hard to keep on…
A Blog Post That Is Today’s Blog Post Unless You Are Reading It On A Different Day
It’s Sunday afternoon as I write this. Little Proclaims is having a nap, Mrs Proclaims is working on her PhD and I am steadfastly ignoring a report I am supposed to be writing for work. To be fair the report is mostly done, and to be even fairer, no-one is ever actually going to read…
A Rhyme That Serves A Purpose
When you are a blogger That is plagued by writer’s block And you’re trying to post daily And you’re up against the clock It’s better not to worry That you’re running out of time Instead just phone it in With a facile little rhyme
A Token Post
Hello dear readers and welcome back to the multi-award nominated blog, James Proclaims. Since the end of March 2020 I have been posting on a daily basis but I almost didn’t manage to post anything today. As it is I’m already over twelve hours late in posting this, given that my usual arbitrary blogging time…
A Haiku That Is True But Worryingly Non-Committal And Potentially Misleading
If I only write A single haiku this week It will be this one
A Post That May Leave You Cold
These days I generally schedule my posts in advance, even the bad poetry, which means that I am guilty of committing those crimes against literature in cold blood. But this morning I woke up and realised I had no post scheduled. So this post is as close to a ‘live performance’ as I can get…
A Haiku To Ironically Celebrate The Fact That It Has Been A While Since I Last Wrote A Haiku After Going Through A Phase Of Writing Too Many Haikus
My name is James and I’m a haiku-aholic Having a relapse
A Relatively Charming Post About Not Much At All
As I write this, it is 8:30 on Sunday morning, though it will be Monday by the time this reaches either of my regular readers. Thus far today I have completed a fairly taxing workout that mostly comprised of doing lots of press ups (to anyone from outside of the UK, the ‘press up’ is…
A Limerick That Is Self-Deprecating On One Level But Also A Bit Sarcastic On Another Level
My intellectual property Is not worth that much at all to me In the light of its theft I would not be bereft It’s already overpriced at ‘free’
A Rhyme That Is Relying On Its Dissimilarity To Other Poetic Forms In Order To Justify Its Existence
Today I have nothing of worth to say But it appears that I’m saying it anyway And when I have nothing to convey Bad poetry often becomes my mainstay Indeed on this blog there’s a fine array Of underwhelming haikus on display It’s a tactic I tend to overplay In my quest to post something…
A Haiku About Why I Persist In Writing Haikus Even Though I Quite Often Disparage The Plethora Of Haikus On My Blog
Trivial haikus Statistically speaking Are quite popular
A Cinquain That Is Fully Aware That It Is Not A Haiku
Today I felt obliged Not to write a haiku I think I managed to achieve Just that
A Haiku That Is Somewhat Self-Sabotaging In Both A Specific And Wider Context
Is it ironic That I would not read a blog That’s mostly haikus?
A Haiku That Explains Who Is Really Responsible For The Slew Of Haikus That Appear On This Blog
People who click ‘like’ When I write rubbish haikus Are the ones to blame
