James Explains The Fundamental Disappointment Of Existence Amongst Other Things

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Welcome to another James Explains, the bit of my blog where I answer questions that other people have asked. I don’t necessarily answer them correctly but an inability to respond to enquiries accurately doesn’t seem to be the barrier to success that it once was.

Indeed professing to be an expert in things that one knows nothing about seems to be almost a prerequisite for career advancement these days.

And so let the alternative facts begin…

Glen poses the following brainteaser:

“Do our idyllic childhood memories set us up for a life of disappointment when inevitably many aspects of adult life do not measure up to how we first conceived of them from our cocooned viewpoint as ‘babes in the woods’ or… are we all really on our own Wizard of Oz ‘Peak behind the Curtain’ journeys where the ultimate goal is acquiring wisdom and understanding without being brought undone by the occupational hazards of accompanying bitterness and disillusionment?”

To be honsest Glen, by the time I got to the end of that question, I had pretty much forgotten how it all began. I find that my attention span isn’t what it once was. Or is it? I don’t know. I can’t remember if I ever had much of an attention span. Probably not. More to the point, am I actually answering your question at all? Let me revisit the question again…

(Musical interlude while James goes back to read the question)

Right, I think I’ve got this. Adult life is inherently disappointing, and we are definitely prone to reminiscing about better times. But they never happened. Life was always rubbish, and the only reason we might not have thought that when we were kids is because we were stupid. Although, even as an infant I was a little world weary in truth.

Pete has more of a gripe than a question this week:

I wish to complain that you failed to answer my last question! I am incensed, and I feel that you have abused my human rights.

I cannot remember what I asked, but I’m sure that it was really important.

What compensation am I entitled to?

Well, Pete, we at James Explains endeavour to provide the very best in question-answering services and we are sorry that we have not met your expectations on this occasion. We will be taking a good long look at ourselves after this. As to compensation, you will of course be entitled to a full refund, and a substantial discount on any future questions you may choose to ask.

Suze, who seems to have no genuine grievances but can’t resist a bandwagon when she sees one, has this to say:

I’m with Peter…how much money are you going to pay me to go away and/or start asking additional questions?

Suze, I feel you are being a tad opportunistic here, but I can’t fault you for that. I’m prepared to offer you an additional 30% on top of your usual fee.

These Were Humans has this divine enquiry:

Can you explain why my favourite deity is the ancient Babylonian god Nergal?

In truth I’m not overly familiar with Nergal’s work, but having quickly looked him up via the magic of the internet, it seems to me he was quite a cheeky chappy. So that’s probably why you like him.

Haylee is konfused and asks the following:

Kan you please explain Kanye?

In truth Haylee I kan’t explain Kanye. I’m not even really sure what a Kanye is. From my research, I understand that he might be a person if that helps. There might also be a link with something called a Kardashian? Which, as I recall were the bad guys on one of the Star Treks. To be honest I’m way out of my depth here.

Right, that’s enough explaining for this week. If you ask a question below I might explain it next week.

Admittedly I might not.

Only time will tell.

 

This Probably Didn’t Happen

James Proclaims (4)

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When I was young  I really enjoyed the Narnia books by CS Lewis.

They captured my imagination and I really wanted to go to the magical land of Narnia.

The best my family could manage was Cornwall, which is magical in it’s own right but it’s not really the same.

We still used to travel by wardrobe though.

It wasn’t a magical wardrobe – we used to attach some roller skates to the bottom, all climb in and my dad would lasso a passing lorry.

It wasn’t the most comfortable way to travel but it was still marginally better than relying on British public transport.

You can tell you were a child of the…

James Proclaims (4)

I’ve been thinking of how I can make this blog more popular because that kind of thing really matters to me.

Am I being sarcastic or do I really mean that?

I genuinely have no idea.

Anyway I’ve heard that lists are popular and we all like those lists that remind us about all the cool stuff that was around when we were younger. But not everyone was a child at the same time, so I’ve made a DIY list to suit everyone who ever lived and will ever live. Continue reading You can tell you were a child of the…

Say Hello To My Little Friend

James Proclaims (4)

This is Humpty.

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You might know him better as Mr Dumpty.

But I call him Humpty, because we’re on first name terms.

Humpty and I have been friends since I was but a small child. Humpty was made by my amazingly talented aunt.

My Humpty is not the original Humpty. The original Humpty was an egg, whereas my Humpty is an egg-shaped soft toy made of wool. My Humpty is better because when he sits on a wall, even if he subsequently has a great fall, he doesn’t need any of the king’s horses or indeed any of the king’s men to put him together again. Continue reading Say Hello To My Little Friend