And The Bells Weren’t Ringing Out For Brexit Time

James Proclaims (4)

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In the ‘real world’ there is a man called James who looks a lot like me and who some people might describe as reasonably intelligent. He even has a real job and some very real responsibilities.

And that man can create the impression that he knows about stuff like politics. He can hold conversations with other reasonably intelligent people about current affairs and no-one would imagine that he is mostly regurgitating soundbites that he heard on Radio 4 on his drive into work. And few would deduce that he only listens to Radio 4 to paper over the cracks of his ever-depleting understanding of just what is going on in the world.

To be fair, he did once have a solid enough grasp on things. He had a worldview that was underpinned by a moderate level of education, an occasional glance at the more left-wing broadsheets and a circle of pseudo intellectual friends who spouted the same kind of well-meaning liberal postulations that he did.

In his younger days you might even have described him as an idealist. Driven by a misplaced righteous anger, he wanted to make the world a better place. But to be fair, he also wanted to get drunk so beyond a few inebriated debates in the pub, he never really did anything to actually make the world a better place. But he meant to get around to it one day.

As he grew older, he became more moderate in his views. He was still fairly left-wing in principle, but more pragmatic and certainly less angry.

Then Brexit happened and he realised that actually he was both quite annoyed and worried about that.

But then it just went on and on and on and on and actually, even though he was still quite irritated by the whole thing, he was also a bit bored by it.

Then he became a father for the first time and forgot there was actually anything else happening in the world beyond his daughter.

But Brexit was sort of still happening. But it also wasn’t happening. And people seemed to still be getting excited about it and angry about it, often at the same time. And some people thought it could still be stopped, and maybe it could be, but the people who tried to stop it were quite bad at convincing people that it needed to be stopped. And the people who wanted it to happen were also quite bad at making it happen because none of them could agree on what it actually was. The only thing they agreed on was that it was the will of the people. And they were wrong about that too, because it was really only ever the will of some people.

And then there was an election. But that was nothing new because there had been a lot of those. But this election meant that the people who really wanted Brexit to happen could actually claim to have some kind of mandate. But really, they only got that mandate because the people who didn’t want Brexit to happen were largely incompetent and couldn’t get anyone to vote for them. Not even the people who mostly agreed with them.

And so, this week Brexit will finally happen. And the people who really don’t want it to happen will all sigh and feel a bit sad but know there’s really nothing that they can do to prevent it.

And those that want it to happen will moan because they think everyone should be celebrating and will be annoyed that some people won’t be. And they’ll be especially annoyed that Big Ben won’t be bonging, even though, due to ongoing repairs it was always logistically unlikely to happen.

And even though people are claiming that Brexit is now done it obviously isn’t. So, it will still be in the news all the time and people will still be talking about it and the division that it has caused will continue and no-one is really going to be happy.

And although the UK will cease to be part of the EU officially this week, nothing much is actually going to change until the end of the year.

And though January is nearly over it is still really the beginning of the year. So the year ahead seems like it will be quite an unpleasant affair all around.

And even at the end of the year there’s no guarantee that anything will really have been sorted out.

And as James ponders this all with a grim resignation but also a kind of pathetic apathy, his eye turns to his 18-month old daughter who is currently sifting through an old photo album in which there are numerous pictures of him from back in the days when he could still afford to go on holiday.

And as she gleefully points out, time and again in her newly acquired vernacular, “that’s my daddy!” he ponders the irony that she is ignoring the very real presence of her daddy in the room in favour of these 2D images of his younger self.

But, he reflects, though the politics of today might mean that the tomorrow his daughter will know might have tougher challenges than perhaps it should, her very existence means that, in his own way, he has contributed to making the world a better place after all.

The Best Of All The Poems

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This is a great poem
With good words
Big words
The best words
It’s a great, great poem
Believe me
And together we’re going to make poetry great again
I can tell you
The press will tell you it’s not a great poem
But they…
What do the press know about poetry?
I know about poems
I know about poetry

And this is a very great poem
The best poem
The best of all poems
Believe me
But I have more words
New words
Better words
Words our poetry richly deserves

And I promise you now
That the words I will use
Will be very
Very good
Fantastic words
Truly fantastic
And yes
They will be the right words

To make the very best poetry
In the history…
To eliminate bad poetry
Fake poetry
Because we deserve
You deserve
Better poetry
And we cannot allow bad poetry
We must take steps
To demolish and destroy
Bad poetry
And bad poets

They are the worst
And losers
Yes
They are losers
And we must eliminate them
And defend our right
To have the poetry
We all deserve
The very best poetry
Poems like this one
Which are very very good
And not at all bad
As some people would have you believe

Those people are wrong
They are liars
This is a great, great poem
The kind of poetry we deserve
All of us
You’d better believe it

And we will make poetry great again

It’s going to be beautiful

Here We Go Again

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So apparently it’s on
Time for Corbyn versus May
Though I’m fairly sure that Farron
Will want to have his say

But will anybody listen
To Lib Dems this time around?
Have recent landscape changes caused
A resurgence newly found?

Will they reclaim their moral high ground?
Will they break the UKIP curse?
Now Farage has got his Brexit
Or will Nuttall make things worse?

Or is it Scottish nationals
Who will now reign supreme?
The most vocal opposition
To the hard Brexit regime

But they only fight in Scotland
So they can’t rule the rest
And it seems there’s no-one else
To put Theresa to the test

She’s called a snap election
To reinforce her strong position
As she leads us out of Europe
Against feeble opposition

But perhaps she’s got it wrong
And now cometh the hour
Jeremy will also cometh
And sweep Labour into power

It might seem unlikely
But if we learned anything last year
It’s that outcomes just might be
Both what we hope or what we fear

And does it really matter
Which leader we applaud
Since we said ‘f*** off’ to Europe
And bet our future on a fraud?

A Momentous Day

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If the motto of the Brexiteers
Is ‘All For Us and None For You’
Then today they’ll tone it down
As we begin to say adieu

For though we complain about officials
Who were appointed, not elected
We’ll ignore that our Theresa
Was unopposed when then selected

To move to Number Ten
And be the preeminent figure
To guide us through this mess
And today to pull the trigger

For if all hope now seems lost
And we think things can’t get better
Theresa begs to differ
And today she sent a letter

The letter went to a Donald
But not the one called Trump
(Though he’ll no doubt have his say
As we prepare to make the jump)

To become once more an island
An isolated nation
No longer able to blame
Everything on immigration

We’re told things will improve
But they might be getting bleaker
As the prices all go up
And the pound is getting weaker

But fear not my fellow Brits
In the short-term we’ll be thrifty
But soon we’ll be in ‘dreamland’
Through article number fifty

The Future Is Bright

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The realities of a ‘post-truth’ world
Are hard to distinguish from those
Of the pre-truth world
Worlds where we are bombarded by images
Of things we neither want nor need
Although
On reflection
Maybe we might need them
And we do quite want them
In fact, we can’t live without them

But iThink iKnow what iNeed
Though Apples are not the only fruit
Just look in the Amazon
For a Galaxy of alternatives
An Xperiance like no other
Knock here to use the Windows
If you want to escape the Androids

What do you think Alexa?
Or should we ask Siri?
Maybe Cortana?
But no-one asks Cortana.
Any more than anyone ever asked Jeeves

WikiLeaks will show us the way
To the whole truth
Or at least to aspects of the truth
Or an interpretation of the truth
The truth that will sell the most papers Continue reading The Future Is Bright

The Will Of The People

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Who is this ‘Will Of The People’
He that cannot be denied
And must be honoured, revered and obeyed?
I can think of many Wills
But none that strike me
As being ‘Of The People’

Not the Conqueror I’d wager
Or the one who liked Orange
And certainly neither Pitt Junior
Nor indeed Senior
And it really doesn’t seem
Like it was  Wilberforce’s thing

I doubt very much it’s
Shakespeare or Wordsworth
Popular in their own way
But less influential to modern ears
Than perhaps they were in days gone by Continue reading The Will Of The People

Shock News – Nothing Is Surprising Anymore

James Proclaims (4)

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I didn’t start this blog to discuss politics. I know nothing about politics really.

Aside from what you’d expect a really intelligent person to know. Who is also staggeringly handsome, athletic and charming. I know about as much as someone who’d fit that description. I’m not saying that I fit that description. That’s not for me to say.

But I do. And I’m also immensely modest.

But enough about me.

And more about politics.

Because even if I don’t want to talk about politics, the world just keeps on making me. Continue reading Shock News – Nothing Is Surprising Anymore

As Far As Ballot-Box Bombshells Go, What Could Possibly Trump Brexit?

James Proclaims (4)

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Four and half months on and Brexit is still very much the issue ‘du jour’ on this side of the Atlantic. Other things have, of course, happened. Some as a direct result of the cataclysmic decision by the British electorate on the 23rd June, others entirely unrelated. Some of these should have distracted us, at least momentarily from Brexit, but, for the most part, it remains the unsightly elephant in the room. Or perhaps I mean the opposite of that. The elephant in the room is of course something that we shouldn’t ignore but we all do. Brexit is pretty much the ‘anti-elephant’. At this point we should be ignoring it but we can’t quite manage it. There are other things at play and Brexit can, and in fact will, have to wait. Continue reading As Far As Ballot-Box Bombshells Go, What Could Possibly Trump Brexit?

Bregrets, I’ve Had A Few

James Proclaims (4)

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Despite recent evidence to the contrary, this blog is not meant to be about political commentary. It’s meant to be a whimsical collection of bad poetry, rants about soup and toilet-based anecdotes.

But the fallout of Brexit continues to dominate the news and as a citizen of the soon-to-be-former EU member state, I feel I should comment on it. Continue reading Bregrets, I’ve Had A Few

James Remains

James Proclaims (4)

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The dust is starting to settle and apparently the apocalypse hasn’t happened.

Yet.

But the post-Brexit UK does feel different and none of us are quite sure what to make of it.

For starters, my blog seems to have gone from random nonsense to political commentary. Perhaps I should rectify that, but then politics did just get very interesting again. It’s not necessarily for the right reasons but it’s hard to deny that the British people are engaged with political debate in a way that they haven’t been for some time.

There was definitely some interest and debate before the referendum took place but since the result was announced it’s all anyone is talking about.

Well that and football. Continue reading James Remains