I didn’t start this blog to discuss politics. I know nothing about politics really.
Aside from what you’d expect a really intelligent person to know. Who is also staggeringly handsome, athletic and charming. I know about as much as someone who’d fit that description. I’m not saying that I fit that description. That’s not for me to say.
But I do. And I’m also immensely modest.
But enough about me.
And more about politics.
Because even if I don’t want to talk about politics, the world just keeps on making me.
I woke up this morning at 6am Greenwich Meantime to the news that Donald Trump was almost certainly going to become the forty-fifth president of the United States of America. By lunchtime of Greenwich Meantime, it was beyond any doubt.
Do you have any idea what it’s like to wake up at 6am in November in the UK? It’s dark and it’s cold and the world seems like it’s going to end. I really didn’t need proof that the apocalypse is nigh before I’d had my scrambled eggs.
What are you playing at America? Did you learn nothing from Brexit? Were you even paying attention? Are we British actually a lot more insignificant to global politics that we’d like to believe?
Ok we probably are.
But if you had been paying attention you’d have realised that the decent thing to do, when you’re going to make a huge electoral faux-pas, is to do it in June, when the weather is nice.
Not November for goodness sake!
I don’t care if your presidential elections are always in November. You should have moved this one.
It’s too cold and dark and miserable for me to process this kind of nonsense.
But this is no time for me to be grumpy.
I’m not actually American, and to be fair, although Mr Trump will still feature quite a lot in the news over here, which will be quite annoying, I don’t actually have to worry too much about him being my president, because he isn’t.
And the world isn’t actually going to end because Donald J Trump has become president.
Well it probably won’t.
It could I suppose.
But let’s be optimistic and say that really, there’ll be lots of safeguards to stop him doing anything immensely stupid and more than likely he’ll just say stupid things while other people get on with actually running the country.
That’s how it normally works isn’t it?
I don’t actually know, but that seems like the way it should work, rather than giving all that power to just one person.
That would be mad wouldn’t it?
And on the bright side, with the whole Brexit stuff happening over here and Trump stuff happening over there, there’ll be lots of material for good quality political satire.
Surely a good bit of political satire is worth having a narcissistic, infantile misogynist in the White House.
But silver-linings aside, I’m sure there are one or two Americans who are a little down-hearted at the news. I went through a period of ‘grieving’ when the whole Brexit thing happened here but I’m completely over it now.
Obviously if I were given the opportunity to spend time in a room with Michael Gove, Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson while equipped with a baseball bat, I wouldn’t turn that opportunity down, but basically I’m over it.
And if you’re a down-hearted American you’ll get over it too.
But here are some things that might help:
1. He can’t actually be worse that the forty-third president can he?
2. It’s a brilliant time for being a bricklayer.
3. ‘Trump’ is a word we Brits sometimes use to describe the act of breaking wind.
Some of that may help, but it probably won’t. In reality we’re probably all doomed and all hope is lost.
But it is what it is and we’re all just going to have to get on with it aren’t we?