James Complains About Plumbers

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Ok, it’s been a while since I did a ‘James Complains’, so just a  reminder that nothing here is to be taken too seriously. There are bigger problems in the world than my relationship with plumbers.

And if you are a plumber reading this, then please be aware that I am very much against the notion of tarring everyone who does a particular job with the same brush.

I’m sure there are some excellent plumbers out there and I’m sure they are professional and courteous and do a fine job to boot.

In fact the plumber that came to my house today could be described as a genuinely lovely bloke.

And he knew his way around the old pipework.

And he left us with working taps in both the kitchen and the bathroom and that is to be commended, for that was not previously the case. Continue reading James Complains About Plumbers

James Complains About January

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I’m writing this  in what can only be described as a foul mood.

Christmas now seems but a distant memory and, although I’m sure I enjoyed it at the time, the net result of the recent festive period is that I’m now poor and fat.

The return to the daily grind has left me so ridiculously tired that it’s frankly astonishing to me that I actually do work for more of the year than I don’t. How have I been coping all this time? I deserve some kind of an award for bravery.

I don’t think I’m overstating it when I say that getting out of bed every morning last week was nothing short of traumatic. And yet somehow I managed to force myself up and out into the morning traffic.

I’m nothing short of heroic. Continue reading James Complains About January

James Complains About Brexit

The terrible irony is that the vast majority of the people who voted to leave are the ones who will be most adversely affected. The most extreme example of turkeys voting for Christmas I can recall.”

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This morning I was awoken gently by  Mrs Proclaims who broke the news to me of Britain’s collective decision to leave the EU.

It took a few moments to sink in.

We voted for Brexit!

In my wildest dreams I did not see that result coming. Continue reading James Complains About Brexit

James Complains About People Who Complain About Stuff

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I’ve done it this time –  a title loaded with irony. A contradiction in terms.

If that isn’t ‘click-bait’ to the internet browsing masses then I don’t know what is.

Ok I probably don’t know what is.

Or rather I do know, and indeed my title is not it. But I’d wager it’s a little enticing.

Can I really complain about people who complain without at least acknowledging that I belong in that group.

Well yes, I can as a matter of fact. Because I mean complain in the sense of ‘actually registering a complaint’ as opposed to just having a general whinge about stuff that annoys me.

There are people out there who like to complain to organisations about the service they have received, when objectively there is no basis for that complaint.

And that annoys me.

And so I’m going to complain about them. Continue reading James Complains About People Who Complain About Stuff

James Complains About Stupid Retailers

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I do most of my shopping online. I’m not especially a cliché of masculinity that detests the idea of actually going into shops. I like going into shops and looking at stuff I might want to own. I’m very much a consumer in spirit and there are lots of things that I think, if I owned them, would make my life considerably better. Continue reading James Complains About Stupid Retailers

James Complains About The Inappropriate Disposal Of Disposable Pants

To label the space in front of my house as a ‘garden’ would be somewhat overselling it. A tiny patch of gravel does not constitute a garden. Equally, a few years back, when the estate agent tried to convince me that it was suitable for ‘off-road’ parking, I was also a little sceptical. But my little car does just about fit onto the miniscule plot of land, and the kerb has been dropped, so for insurance purposes I can claim it to be such, and thus I do.

Garden, or undersized parking space, what is without doubt is that the land, however small, does belong to my lovely wife and I. It’s not much but it is ours. Continue reading James Complains About The Inappropriate Disposal Of Disposable Pants

James Complains About Ironing

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The Iron Man comic books and films would probably have captured the imagination of the public a little less if his main super power was removing the creases from clothes.

But if someone offered to do that for me they would certainly be my superhero of choice.

Given the options of battling the forces of evil or making sure that my shirts are neatly pressed, I know I’d much rather take on a crazed megalomaniac and several well armed henchmen over battling with my crumpled laundry. Continue reading James Complains About Ironing

James Complains About The Complexity Of Soup

Today’s diatribe is, as ever, about something trivial and unimportant that doesn’t really have any relevance to my daily existence. Nonetheless, it did dominate my thoughts for a whole thirty minutes or so earlier this week. Continue reading James Complains About The Complexity Of Soup

James Complains About Monkey Monkey Monkey

You’d never know it to look at me but I’m reasonably fit. Not athletic you understand. I have no actual ability when it comes to sport, but when it comes to taking part there are few people as gifted as me at ‘making up the numbers’.

I’m even a member of a local gym. Sometimes I actually go there.

Continue reading James Complains About Monkey Monkey Monkey

James Complains – About An Unplanned Nap

No-one loves an afternoon nap more than me. It’s a fundamental part of the working day as far as I am concerned…

I jest, of course- I’m a teacher, if I were to fall asleep at work I’d no doubt wake up with a very different hairstyle, a creatively drawn moustache and, in the same indelible ink, some choice expletives written on my forehead.

And that’s just what the other teachers would do… Continue reading James Complains – About An Unplanned Nap