My Incredibly Ambitious Resolutions For 2019

James Proclaims (4)


Happy New Year everyone!

Today is the first day of 2019 and, as is always the case at the beginning of any year, it is customary, arguably obligatory, to come up with a list of ways to self improve.

Because there is no better way to start January, that most miserable of months, than by listing all the ways that we’re inadequate and then committing to unrealistic goals that we have no chance of achieving, just to really ensure that our self esteem is really at rock bottom by the time February rolls around.

In previous years I have not take the notion of New Year’s Resolutions as seriously as I could.

And this year will be no exception.

Last year I set the bar particularly low and set myself some resolutions that were basically quite mundane things I was already planning to do.

However, I feel it is possible to lower the bar even further so this year’s resolutions will be less about changing things to make me a better person but rather committing to ‘not changing things’ so I definitely don’t become a worse person.

I am mildly optimistic that I will achieve all of this year’s targets.

They are as follows:

  1. I’m going to continue not drinking whisky, mostly because I don’t really like it. That’s probably a good thing though right? Although I will still be drinking plenty of wine and beer…
  2. I definitely won’t take up smoking.
  3. I’m not going to start actively using Social Media (aside from this blog, which barely counts anyway) and in particular I’m going to avoid using Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn and Pinterest. Mostly because I don’t really know what any of those things are.
  4. Thanks to Brexit, I’m going to continue to keep my carbon footprint relatively low by not travelling abroad for the foreseeable future.
  5. I’m not going to commit to a life of crime. Unless I’m certain that I’ll get away with it. 

There we go – I’m sure I can achieve all of those things.

I’m feeling more virtuous already.

Beginning The Journey To A Brand New Me

James Proclaims (4)


So 2017 is but a distant memory and now it’s all about 2018. And what better way to start the new year than by making some New Year’s Resolutions?

Because convention dictates that this is the day that we all need to take a good long look at ourselves and realise that we just aren’t good enough.

Now I have been accused (mainly by myself) of not taking this whole New Year’s Resolution thing seriously enough. And to be fair I didn’t achieve any of my goals for 2016 or 2017. Not even the one about watching every episode of Star Trek. I did get through all of the original series, all of the Next Generation, about half of Deep Space 9 and all but one of the films before I gave up. Which is pretty good going. I enjoyed it, but it does get a bit ‘samey’ after a while.

Still I might press on and finish the rest of them this year.

But I’m not making that an official ‘resolution’.

I would like to roll over last year’s target of becoming super rich. I still think I’d like to achieve that.

And maybe the one about becoming a superhero.

But today is not about rehashing old, unachieved resolutions.

No, today I must come up with some new ones.

And maybe they should be ones I have a vague hope of actually achieving.

Although that does take some of the fun out of it for me.

Nonetheless, it’s clear I’ve been overambitious in recent years and it’s time therefore to get real.

So, without further ado, here are my, slightly more modest, New Year’s Resolutions for 2018:

  1. Run a mile – that’s right by the time January 2019 rolls around I will definitely have run at least one mile. At this stage I’m not committing to doing it all in one go. It may have to be a cumulative effort. Don’t be fooled by the fact that I used to run marathons and half marathons in my younger days – this is definitely going to be a challenge.
  2. Watch at least one film of Mrs Proclaims’ choosing and not make sarcastic comments all the way through – I might be overstretching myself here, but I think I can probably do it. It may take a few attempts though.
  3. Take the Christmas decorations down – because they just aren’t ‘special’ if you leave them up all year apparently.
  4. Go back to work – I will definitely do this. My mortgage repayments do rather depend on it. But I’m not promising to actually do any work when I’m there.
  5. Eat more healthy food – as long as this doesn’t preclude the continuation of eating unhealthy food obviously.

There we go, five resolutions that might well be achievable. I wouldn’t want to jeopardise my chances of self-improvement by committing to any more than that.

But I am quietly confident I will be able to look back in a year and say that I met some of the above targets.

2018 marks the dawn of a brave new era.