Boxing Day Bargains

James Proclaims (4)

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Today is Boxing Day, a day which means different things to different people.

To some it’s a day to recover from the excesses of Christmas Day, in preparation for a return to work on the 27th December.

For others it’s an opportunity to continue with the excesses because, as it turns out, they don’t actually have to go to work on the 27th.

I’m in the latter camp and fully intend to continue with the massive overconsumption of the same kinds of bad food that I imagine I consumed yesterday.

I say imagine because, as I write this, it’s still Christmas Eve. I’ve just finished writing my Christmas Day post and it’s scheduled to go live on the big day and I thought I’d push on through and write the Boxing Day post too.

Just in case I’m feeling a little too ‘tender’ on Boxing Day itself to be able to motivate myself to write anything.

As it happens I’m still watching the weird ‘celebrities-that-can’t-really-sing-perform-songs-from-West-End-musicals’ show that I was watching while I wrote the Christmas Day post. It’s still genuinely awful but also impossible to stop watching.

Once I’ve finished writing this I’m going to watch Die Hard 2: Die Harder, the sequel to the amazing Die Hard which I wrote about on Christmas Eve. Which is still today for me.

I had originally been planning to include Die Hard 2: Die Harder  in my James Proclaims Advent Calendar Of Christmas(ish) films, but in the end I didn’t because:

  1. I wanted to use the original Die Hard for ‘Day 24’, and it would’ve been weird to write about the sequel before writing about the original.
  2. I managed to find 24 films without the need to use Die Hard 2: Die Harder, which means I can use it for next year’s Advent Calendar Of Christmas(ish) Films. Which is already taking shape even though it’s still the best part of a year away. That’s just how organised I am (it isn’t – I’m really quite disorganised most of the time).

But just because I’m planning on writing about it next year doesn’t mean I can’t watch it this year.

So I’m going to.

As soon as I finish writing this.

Which I will shortly.

Because really, what else is there to say?

It’s Boxing Day.

A day for pugilism and cardboard containers.

And for spending whatever of your hard-earned cash that you didn’t squander in the build-up to Christmas.

Because it’s time for the traditional January sales.

Which are as big a lie as Black Friday.

And mostly already over by the time January actually arrives.

But there may be some bargains to be had.

And how will you know if you don’t look?

Go on, go and look now.

I’d hate for you to miss out.

I’m sure I’ll look too, once I get to Boxing Day.

But right now I’m still enjoying Christmas Eve and planning to watch Die Hard 2: Die Harder.

Yippee ki-yay!

The Third Annual Christmas Message from James Proclaims

James Proclaims (4)

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If you’re reading this at the exact moment it was published, then you’re not watching the Queen’s speech live.

Because, as is now James Proclaims Christmas tradition, I’ve scheduled this post to appear at the exact same moment that our head of state makes her annual address to the nation.

I know HRH won’t be reading this when it hits the internet, because she does actually watch her own pre-recorded speech as it goes out. Apparently she watches it in a room on her own, while the other royal people watch it in an adjacent room. When she rejoins the others they aren’t allowed to mention the speech until she does.

Which begs the question, does she bring it up straight away or does she keep them waiting? I’d be inclined to keep them waiting personally, but maybe she’s keen to get immediate feedback.

Who knows?

Although, for the reasons stated above, Liz will definitely not be reading this when it hits the blogoshere, I expect she’ll be checking in later. I know she’s a big fan of this blog.

Well, if I’m honest I don’t know that she reads this blog, but I have an inkling that she does.

She’s certainly never denied that she reads it.

I think she probably even comments on my posts. Under a pseudonym of course. But I’m sure she does. Be honest ‘Pete’ – it’s you isn’t it?

Anyway, much as ‘Her Madge’ records her speech in advance, so too am I writing this in advance of the big day.

At the moment it’s still Christmas Eve and I’m typing this on a portable device while half-watching the telly. At the moment there’s this programme on where celebrities who aren’t singers are singing musical numbers at the London Palladium. I’m not sure why they are doing this. There’s probably a good reason. It can’t just be about their own vanity.

Interestingly the presenter of this particular show is Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff. Which makes sense because he was an excellent cricketer and it’s not a huge leap from playing professional sport to presenting a show about musicals.

Oh wait…

Anyway the reason for this strange and perplexing show is Christmas no doubt. It  must be hard being a TV executive. There’s so much pressure on them to produce interesting and exciting TV shows at this time of year. Obviously they fail miserably most of the time and produce nonsense like the ridiculousness that’s on my screen right now.

Still, it is so strange that it is vaguely compelling.

I can’t quite bring myself to change the channel.

Anyway it is Christmas and having survived the nightmare crowds in the shops of recent days and having also spent more money than I actually have on gifts that the recipients almost certainly won’t want or need, it’s time to eat too much food, drink too much alcohol and watch endless bad telly.

I might see friends and family over the next few days. That is a distinct possibility.

And I’m fine with that.

I quite like most of them.

But I think it’s important to remember the true meaning of Christmas.

Which is to do everything to excess and insist on maintaining annual  traditions no matter how inconvenient to other people they may be.

And obviously to eat too much food, drink too much alcohol and watch endless bad telly.

I can’t overstate how important that is.

If you’re reading this on Christmas Day then I hope you’re having a wonderful and magical day.

And if you’re not reading this on Christmas Day, (but presumably you are reading it on a different day) then I hope you had a wonderful and magical day.

Merry Christmas everyone!

The World Is Watching

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Apparently today is ‘World Television Day’.

I don’t know why we need a day for that.

Don’t get me wrong, I like watching TV as much as anyone, but is it really worthy of its own day?

Evidently so, for today is that day.

It’s not even one of those frivolous ‘made-up-for-the-sake-of-it’ days like ‘World Sandwich Day’.

This has the backing of the United Nations. This is their baby. So, it must be about more than ‘Downton Abbey’.

I did briefly look at the UN website to see if I could work out why today is ‘World Television Day’.

But, about two lines into the explanation, I got bored.

So, I turned on the telly instead.

James Complains About January

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I’m writing this  in what can only be described as a foul mood.

Christmas now seems but a distant memory and, although I’m sure I enjoyed it at the time, the net result of the recent festive period is that I’m now poor and fat.

The return to the daily grind has left me so ridiculously tired that it’s frankly astonishing to me that I actually do work for more of the year than I don’t. How have I been coping all this time? I deserve some kind of an award for bravery.

I don’t think I’m overstating it when I say that getting out of bed every morning last week was nothing short of traumatic. And yet somehow I managed to force myself up and out into the morning traffic.

I’m nothing short of heroic. Continue reading James Complains About January

We Have No Time To Sit And Stare

James Proclaims (4)

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As of tomorrow morning the Christmas holidays are officially over.

In fact the tree and decorations are coming down today.

I know that Twelfth Night is not for another few days so it might be a bit premature for me to be halting the festivities but frankly it is time.

It is time because Mrs Proclaims and I have eaten all the nice food.

It is time because I’ve drunk all the wine.

It is also time because I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Nothing quite kills the festive mood like having to go to work. Continue reading We Have No Time To Sit And Stare