The Third Annual Christmas Message from James Proclaims

If you’re reading this at the exact moment it was published, then you’re not watching the Queen’s speech live.

Because, as is now James Proclaims Christmas tradition, I’ve scheduled this post to appear at the exact same moment that our head of state makes her annual address to the nation.

I know HRH won’t be reading this when it hits the internet, because she does actually watch her own pre-recorded speech as it goes out. Apparently she watches it in a room on her own, while the other royal people watch it in an adjacent room. When she rejoins the others they aren’t allowed to mention the speech until she does.

Which begs the question, does she bring it up straight away or does she keep them waiting? I’d be inclined to keep them waiting personally, but maybe she’s keen to get immediate feedback.

Who knows?

Although, for the reasons stated above, Liz will definitely not be reading this when it hits the blogoshere, I expect she’ll be checking in later. I know she’s a big fan of this blog.

Well, if I’m honest I don’t know that she reads this blog, but I have an inkling that she does.

She’s certainly never denied that she reads it.

I think she probably even comments on my posts. Under a pseudonym of course. But I’m sure she does. Be honest ‘Pete’ – it’s you isn’t it?

Anyway, much as ‘Her Madge’ records her speech in advance, so too am I writing this in advance of the big day.

At the moment it’s still Christmas Eve and I’m typing this on a portable device while half-watching the telly. At the moment there’s this programme on where celebrities who aren’t singers are singing musical numbers at the London Palladium. I’m not sure why they are doing this. There’s probably a good reason. It can’t just be about their own vanity.

Interestingly the presenter of this particular show is Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff. Which makes sense because he was an excellent cricketer and it’s not a huge leap from playing professional sport to presenting a show about musicals.

Oh wait…

Anyway the reason for this strange and perplexing show is Christmas no doubt. It  must be hard being a TV executive. There’s so much pressure on them to produce interesting and exciting TV shows at this time of year. Obviously they fail miserably most of the time and produce nonsense like the ridiculousness that’s on my screen right now.

Still, it is so strange that it is vaguely compelling.

I can’t quite bring myself to change the channel.

Anyway it is Christmas and having survived the nightmare crowds in the shops of recent days and having also spent more money than I actually have on gifts that the recipients almost certainly won’t want or need, it’s time to eat too much food, drink too much alcohol and watch endless bad telly.

I might see friends and family over the next few days. That is a distinct possibility.

And I’m fine with that.

I quite like most of them.

But I think it’s important to remember the true meaning of Christmas.

Which is to do everything to excess and insist on maintaining annual  traditions no matter how inconvenient to other people they may be.

And obviously to eat too much food, drink too much alcohol and watch endless bad telly.

I can’t overstate how important that is.

If you’re reading this on Christmas Day then I hope you’re having a wonderful and magical day.

And if you’re not reading this on Christmas Day, (but presumably you are reading it on a different day) then I hope you had a wonderful and magical day.

Merry Christmas everyone!