A Momentous Day

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If the motto of the Brexiteers
Is ‘All For Us and None For You’
Then today they’ll tone it down
As we begin to say adieu

For though we complain about officials
Who were appointed, not elected
We’ll ignore that our Theresa
Was unopposed when then selected

To move to Number Ten
And be the preeminent figure
To guide us through this mess
And today to pull the trigger

For if all hope now seems lost
And we think things can’t get better
Theresa begs to differ
And today she sent a letter

The letter went to a Donald
But not the one called Trump
(Though he’ll no doubt have his say
As we prepare to make the jump)

To become once more an island
An isolated nation
No longer able to blame
Everything on immigration

We’re told things will improve
But they might be getting bleaker
As the prices all go up
And the pound is getting weaker

But fear not my fellow Brits
In the short-term we’ll be thrifty
But soon we’ll be in ‘dreamland’
Through article number fifty

The Future Is Bright

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The realities of a ‘post-truth’ world
Are hard to distinguish from those
Of the pre-truth world
Worlds where we are bombarded by images
Of things we neither want nor need
Although
On reflection
Maybe we might need them
And we do quite want them
In fact, we can’t live without them

But iThink iKnow what iNeed
Though Apples are not the only fruit
Just look in the Amazon
For a Galaxy of alternatives
An Xperiance like no other
Knock here to use the Windows
If you want to escape the Androids

What do you think Alexa?
Or should we ask Siri?
Maybe Cortana?
But no-one asks Cortana.
Any more than anyone ever asked Jeeves

WikiLeaks will show us the way
To the whole truth
Or at least to aspects of the truth
Or an interpretation of the truth
The truth that will sell the most papers Continue reading The Future Is Bright

James Complains About Quite A Lot Of Things

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Although I tend to mock the whole idea of New Year’s Resolutions, January 2017 seems to have coincided with me ‘upping my game’ in blogging terms. I’ve been posting pretty regularly, a minimum of three times a week and on occasion four. Furthermore, although many of my blog posts have been in the form of bad poetry or bad art, Mondays have tended to be for a more considered, longer piece of writing.

That, people of the blogosphere, takes planning and effort.

Seriously.

It might not seem like it but those meandering Monday posts, with questionable grammar and no particular point, do actually take me a bit of time to produce. I generally take the whole weekend to ‘craft’ them. Continue reading James Complains About Quite A Lot Of Things

A Singer Fit For The Job

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Ok, if I’m brutally honest, this is just a rubbish picture of a singing pig that I drew a few weeks ago, while generating ideas for my new ‘Artists Corner’ feature. But then I realised it was quite a big day politically so, in the absence of any genuinely insightful satire, I’ve crowbarred this in as a slightly clumsy nod to political events elsewhere.

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So today is the inauguration of Donald Trump. Apparently it’s quite a big deal but there is a shortage of celebrities willing to endorse his presidency and sing at the event.

Which seems like a shame.

But I’ve found someone who’s suitable.

And like Trump he’s kind of a big deal. And also kind of a pig deal.

Here is a privileged glimpse of the great Porkerotti in rehearsal for his upcoming performance in the Boarber of Seville.

Despite being one of foremost operatic talents of his species, Porkerotti has never forgotten his humble beginnings.

“Fame hasn’t changed me much,” he squeals, “sure my home is less of a pigsty these days and I must admit I’m partial to the odd truffle, but I’m never happier than when I’m playing backgammon with my mates or when I get to watch my beloved West Ham play.”

Like Trump, Porkerotti also hates women, immigrants and basically anyone who is different to him.

Still, he is a singing pig, so you’ve got to love him.

Indeed his latest role has already received positive reviews.

To quote one critic, “that’ll do pig, that’ll do.”

 

 

The Obligatory New Year’s Eve Review Of The Year That Was

James Proclaims (6)

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Last year I wrote a review of 2015 on the 31st December so it seems only fitting that I review 2016 today.

Except that I’d rather not.

It seems to be universally accepted that 2016 was a bit of a rubbish year all around.

Not for everyone obviously – some people might well be thinking that 2016 was quite good.

If you’re British and you hate immigrants then you might be feeling like 2016 was a pretty good year, what with Brexit and all that. Obviously 2017 is going to be a bummer for you when you realise that Brexit isn’t going to deliver on any of the things you thought you were voting for. Then again it might take until 2019 or even 2020 for you to work that out.

But thanks to Brexit, us Brits can pretty much write off 2017 before it even begins. Continue reading The Obligatory New Year’s Eve Review Of The Year That Was

Shock News – Nothing Is Surprising Anymore

James Proclaims (4)

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I didn’t start this blog to discuss politics. I know nothing about politics really.

Aside from what you’d expect a really intelligent person to know. Who is also staggeringly handsome, athletic and charming. I know about as much as someone who’d fit that description. I’m not saying that I fit that description. That’s not for me to say.

But I do. And I’m also immensely modest.

But enough about me.

And more about politics.

Because even if I don’t want to talk about politics, the world just keeps on making me. Continue reading Shock News – Nothing Is Surprising Anymore

As Far As Ballot-Box Bombshells Go, What Could Possibly Trump Brexit?

James Proclaims (4)

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Four and half months on and Brexit is still very much the issue ‘du jour’ on this side of the Atlantic. Other things have, of course, happened. Some as a direct result of the cataclysmic decision by the British electorate on the 23rd June, others entirely unrelated. Some of these should have distracted us, at least momentarily from Brexit, but, for the most part, it remains the unsightly elephant in the room. Or perhaps I mean the opposite of that. The elephant in the room is of course something that we shouldn’t ignore but we all do. Brexit is pretty much the ‘anti-elephant’. At this point we should be ignoring it but we can’t quite manage it. There are other things at play and Brexit can, and in fact will, have to wait. Continue reading As Far As Ballot-Box Bombshells Go, What Could Possibly Trump Brexit?