I’m Not Being Racist But…

James Proclaims (4)


As someone of mixed race, it is, of course, technically impossible for me to be racist.

Except that it isn’t.

For, despite being a remoaning bleeding-heart leftie, I am capable of the odd moment of prejudice. I don’t want, or mean, to do so, but I have made judgements about people based on ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation and various other attributes that may mark them out as different to me. For the most part these judgements are innocent enough. They don’t come from a place of hate, they come from a place of ignorance, of misunderstanding, of genuine confusion.

But they are prejudices nonetheless.

And when I realise I have been guilty of making snap judgements based on accepted stereotypes, I try to learn from the experience.

Because it’s actually ok to make mistakes, even mistakes that may have unintentionally caused someone else mild offense, if as a result of that mistake we become better, more rounded, people.

Because we can’t all be like ‘The Donald’ who recently informed journalists that he was the least racist person that they’d ever interviewed.

Which is a very bold claim to make and leads me to conclude that either Mr Trump:

  1. Genuinely is a paragon of virtue when it comes to racism
  2. Is perplexingly well-informed about every single person that those particular journalists have ever interviewed and has hard evidence that each and every one of them is definitely more racist than him.
  3. A liar

It’s not for me to judge.

Closer to home there has been the shocking revelation that the leader of UKIP has a racist girlfriend.

I was shocked anyway. I didn’t realise that UKIP actually had a leader at the moment. Indeed I’m a bit surprised to discover that UKIP think they even have a purpose anymore.

But apparently they do have a leader and his name is Henry Bolton. And his girlfriend apparently said some racist things about soon-to-be-royal Meghan Markle.

Racist things which are pretty horrible truth be told.

But it’s OK because, according to Mr Bolton, some of the comments have been taken out of context.

Although when questioned about the comments on TV this morning he did concede that the most offensive ones weren’t take out of context.

They were just really offensive.

But some of the other ones were taken out of context so really we just need to get over it

And to be fair, after being shocked that UKIP still exists and that they have a leader, I wasn’t massively surprised that he would have a racist girlfriend.

No more than his wife probably was anyway.

Apparently he’s got one of those marriages where it’s OK for him to also have a girlfriend who is half his age.

And racist or not, I find I judge him a little bit for that.

Which makes me prejudiced I suppose.

I’ve got so much to learn.


A Momentous Day


If the motto of the Brexiteers
Is ‘All For Us and None For You’
Then today they’ll tone it down
As we begin to say adieu

For though we complain about officials
Who were appointed, not elected
We’ll ignore that our Theresa
Was unopposed when then selected

To move to Number Ten
And be the preeminent figure
To guide us through this mess
And today to pull the trigger

For if all hope now seems lost
And we think things can’t get better
Theresa begs to differ
And today she sent a letter

The letter went to a Donald
But not the one called Trump
(Though he’ll no doubt have his say
As we prepare to make the jump)

To become once more an island
An isolated nation
No longer able to blame
Everything on immigration

We’re told things will improve
But they might be getting bleaker
As the prices all go up
And the pound is getting weaker

But fear not my fellow Brits
In the short-term we’ll be thrifty
But soon we’ll be in ‘dreamland’
Through article number fifty

The Future Is Bright


The realities of a ‘post-truth’ world
Are hard to distinguish from those
Of the pre-truth world
Worlds where we are bombarded by images
Of things we neither want nor need
On reflection
Maybe we might need them
And we do quite want them
In fact, we can’t live without them

But iThink iKnow what iNeed
Though Apples are not the only fruit
Just look in the Amazon
For a Galaxy of alternatives
An Xperiance like no other
Knock here to use the Windows
If you want to escape the Androids

What do you think Alexa?
Or should we ask Siri?
Maybe Cortana?
But no-one asks Cortana.
Any more than anyone ever asked Jeeves

WikiLeaks will show us the way
To the whole truth
Or at least to aspects of the truth
Or an interpretation of the truth
The truth that will sell the most papers Continue reading The Future Is Bright

James Complains About Quite A Lot Of Things


Although I tend to mock the whole idea of New Year’s Resolutions, January 2017 seems to have coincided with me ‘upping my game’ in blogging terms. I’ve been posting pretty regularly, a minimum of three times a week and on occasion four. Furthermore, although many of my blog posts have been in the form of bad poetry or bad art, Mondays have tended to be for a more considered, longer piece of writing.

That, people of the blogosphere, takes planning and effort.


It might not seem like it but those meandering Monday posts, with questionable grammar and no particular point, do actually take me a bit of time to produce. I generally take the whole weekend to ‘craft’ them. Continue reading James Complains About Quite A Lot Of Things

A Singer Fit For The Job


Ok, if I’m brutally honest, this is just a rubbish picture of a singing pig that I drew a few weeks ago, while generating ideas for my new ‘Artists Corner’ feature. But then I realised it was quite a big day politically so, in the absence of any genuinely insightful satire, I’ve crowbarred this in as a slightly clumsy nod to political events elsewhere.


So today is the inauguration of Donald Trump. Apparently it’s quite a big deal but there is a shortage of celebrities willing to endorse his presidency and sing at the event.

Which seems like a shame.

But I’ve found someone who’s suitable.

And like Trump he’s kind of a big deal. And also kind of a pig deal.

Here is a privileged glimpse of the great Porkerotti in rehearsal for his upcoming performance in the Boarber of Seville.

Despite being one of foremost operatic talents of his species, Porkerotti has never forgotten his humble beginnings.

“Fame hasn’t changed me much,” he squeals, “sure my home is less of a pigsty these days and I must admit I’m partial to the odd truffle, but I’m never happier than when I’m playing backgammon with my mates or when I get to watch my beloved West Ham play.”

Like Trump, Porkerotti also hates women, immigrants and basically anyone who is different to him.

Still, he is a singing pig, so you’ve got to love him.

Indeed his latest role has already received positive reviews.

To quote one critic, “that’ll do pig, that’ll do.”



The Obligatory New Year’s Eve Review Of The Year That Was

James Proclaims (6)


Last year I wrote a review of 2015 on the 31st December so it seems only fitting that I review 2016 today.

Except that I’d rather not.

It seems to be universally accepted that 2016 was a bit of a rubbish year all around.

Not for everyone obviously – some people might well be thinking that 2016 was quite good.

If you’re British and you hate immigrants then you might be feeling like 2016 was a pretty good year, what with Brexit and all that. Obviously 2017 is going to be a bummer for you when you realise that Brexit isn’t going to deliver on any of the things you thought you were voting for. Then again it might take until 2019 or even 2020 for you to work that out.

But thanks to Brexit, us Brits can pretty much write off 2017 before it even begins. Continue reading The Obligatory New Year’s Eve Review Of The Year That Was

Shock News – Nothing Is Surprising Anymore

James Proclaims (4)


I didn’t start this blog to discuss politics. I know nothing about politics really.

Aside from what you’d expect a really intelligent person to know. Who is also staggeringly handsome, athletic and charming. I know about as much as someone who’d fit that description. I’m not saying that I fit that description. That’s not for me to say.

But I do. And I’m also immensely modest.

But enough about me.

And more about politics.

Because even if I don’t want to talk about politics, the world just keeps on making me. Continue reading Shock News – Nothing Is Surprising Anymore

As Far As Ballot-Box Bombshells Go, What Could Possibly Trump Brexit?

James Proclaims (4)


Four and half months on and Brexit is still very much the issue ‘du jour’ on this side of the Atlantic. Other things have, of course, happened. Some as a direct result of the cataclysmic decision by the British electorate on the 23rd June, others entirely unrelated. Some of these should have distracted us, at least momentarily from Brexit, but, for the most part, it remains the unsightly elephant in the room. Or perhaps I mean the opposite of that. The elephant in the room is of course something that we shouldn’t ignore but we all do. Brexit is pretty much the ‘anti-elephant’. At this point we should be ignoring it but we can’t quite manage it. There are other things at play and Brexit can, and in fact will, have to wait. Continue reading As Far As Ballot-Box Bombshells Go, What Could Possibly Trump Brexit?