James Proclaims!

The anti-woke brigade
Are angry that a major UK supermarket chain
Has cancelled Christmas
By capitulating to the woke brigade
And ‘re-branding’ an artificial Christmas tree
As an ‘Evergreen Tree’
And not explicitly calling it a Christmas tree

Having never been an effective part of any brigade
I struggle nonetheless to understand
Why anyone would think that a UK supermarket
Would wish to cancel Christmas
Any more than they would expect a rafter of turkeys
Or a gaggle of turkeys
Or a flock of turkeys
(Or indeed whatever your collective noun of choice is for turkeys)
To vote in favour of Christmas

No turkey would vote for Christmas
Even a particularly evolved specimen of turkey
That was capable of grasping the fundamental concepts of democracy
Any more than a board of supermarket executives
Or a committee of supermarket executives
Or a panel of supermarket executives
(Or indeed whatever your collective noun of choice is for supermarket executives)
Would actively go out of their way
To remove the concept of Christmas
From the public consciousness

Supermarket executives love Christmas
And they don’t care which brigade you belong to
As long as you spend your money
In their stores
So perhaps the Evergreen Tree labelling
Is an attempt to elevate
An overpriced plastic faux Norwegian Spruce
Above the common or (very much not) garden
Fake plastic generic Christmas trees
That are also available in-store
So they can further inflate the price

But far be it from me
To dictate what any brigade should be upset about
After all I am no fan of the supermarket
Though of course I still use them
Because hypocrisy has never been a barrier to convenience
But of all the things to hold big shops to account over
What they call a fake plastic tree
Doesn’t strike me a cause worth getting out of bed for
In the grand scheme of things