Positively Pessimistic

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Restriction to your home is not
The worst kind of jail
You can still pretend to work
If you can access your email

But it’s easy to find reasons
To not be very cheerful
When it seems that you’re increasingly
Encouraged to be fearful

It’s appears that times are dark
And possibly quite bleak
It’s hard to know what month it is
Let alone what day or week

And when you venture out
It’s worse outside than in
Attempts to buy toilet paper
Always end in your chagrin

You try to stay upbeat
But optimism’s hard to sell
When the contents of the half-full glass
Have a funny smell

Pandemically Proverbial

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Home is where the heart is
Which is useful because it’s also where the rest of me is
All the time now
And I like to be where my heart is
I need my heart
To stay alive
Indeed I’m not quite sure how I managed to cope
When I was allowed to leave my home
If my heart was always there

They say keep your friends close
And your enemies closer
But that seems like really bad advice at the moment
Current government guidance is to keep both very far way indeed

There’s no time like the present
Although yesterday was quite a lot like today
And I have a strong feeling tomorrow will be quite similar too
So, there are some times that are a bit like the present
In the current climate, it seems like a lot of times will
Be very much like the present
As we never leave our homes

And two heads are not better than one
When attempting to social distance
One head is the optimum number of heads
To do that effectively

And to that end,
If you can’t beat them,
Under no circumstances should you join them
And you should absolutely not
Bite the hand that feeds you
Unless that hand has been washed
For at least twenty seconds using soap
Or at the very least a high alcohol hand sanitiser
But soap is better
And I for one will only be biting hands that have used soap

Yes, home is where the heart is
And there’s no place like home
Not that any of us will ever get the chance to test that sentiment
Anytime soon

An Inauspicious Return To Writing Poetry After 20 Months Of Not Writing Poetry

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I haven’t penned a poem
Sine the year ended in eight
So, it would be quite unfair
To expect this to be great

Quality is not my goal
That would be a step too far
If anything, my aim is
To really lower the bar

To write poetry this bad
Is nothing short of a feat
You can’t replicate this dross
Don’t even try to compete

Don’t kid yourself that you could
Produce such appalling verse
You might think your poem’s bad
This is definitely worse

There is perhaps merit in
Consistent rhymes and rhythms
Which were at least on display
Until the final line of what, it turns out, is a really rubbish poem

Unleash Your Lethargy

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Sorry that I didn’t
Do that thing I said I’d do
I didn’t get around to it
Because I didn’t want to

It’s not that I am lazy
(Though you could say that of me)
But I really see no purpose
In being as busy as a bee

It’s hard to really care about
A task that’s wearisome
When there are so many vices
To which I could succumb

So spare me all your judgments
About my attitude
And let me get straight back
To a state of hebetude

 

Sofa Loafer

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Sitting on my sofa
Is where I like to be
It might not be exciting
But it’s just right for me

I don’t crave adventure
I don’t need a quest
I’d rather put my feet up
And have a little rest

It’s really not the height
Of furniture design
But for a lazy evening
My sofa does just fine

It’s comfortable and cosy
A spot that is sublime
It really is the perfect place
When I am wasting time

There Is No ‘I’ In T-E-A-M

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There are things that I am bad at
Which are a strength of yours
So if we work together
We might accomplish more

It seems to make more sense
For our skills to be combined
If we share our talents
We can leave our woes behind

It won’t be a partnership
Built on equality
My abilities are few
And my work lacks quality

No, I don’t bring that much
In terms of aptitude
And some might call me lazy
Though I think that’s rather rude

But though, throughout the years,
I’ve been more inclined to fail
I’m happy to succeed this time
By riding your coattails