As we said goodbye to JanuaryAnd associated fadsSuch as Veganuary(In which I did not participateOut of sympathy to vegetariansWho surely must feel a levelOf antipathy towards vegansWho have rather stolen their thunder)I reflected on whether I might everAdopt a specific dietary practiceAnd adhere to it faithfully Because I could see the benefitsOf being a little…
Category: Poetry
This Poem Is Not That Poem
This poemIs not that poem It’s a different verseNeither better nor worseIt’s just not the sameAnd it doesn’t claimTo be that poem To be exactIt is in factThis poem Which is fineIt’s not a signOf things amissTo be thisAnd not thatOr a catOr a hatOr a bat It’s this poemWhich is not that poem
Never Meet Your Poetry
I’ve written meta poems beforeThough I’ve never met this one I’m sureFor if this poem were a personMeeting it could only worsenMy antipathy towards this verseAlthough I’ve probably written worsePersonification of a rhymeAs bad as this might be a crimeSo I’ll never meet my poetryWhy I write it is a mystery
The Virtue Of Patience
I’m waiting in for a man Who can fix my roofBecause I can’t fix my roofI’m rather lacking in that skillThe man is now 45 minutes lateOf his revised ETAAn ETA he only told me aboutWhen he was already 30 minutes lateFor the original appointmentWhich was at a time he suggestedAnd which, to accommodate himI…
Old Christmas Tree
Old Christmas tree, Old Christmas tree!How are thy leaves so plastic!Old Christmas tree, Old Christmas tree,I’m not being sarcastic In the loft in the summertime,I get thee down at ChristmastimeOld Christmas tree, Old Christmas tree,I think thou art quite broken Old Christmas tree, Old Christmas tree,Much pleasure did thou bring me!Old Christmas tree, Old Christmas…
I’m Not Dreaming of a White Christmas
I’m not dreaming of a white ChristmasJust like the ones I’ve never knownWith my gas bill risingThere’s no disguisingThe last thing that I need is snow. I’m not dreaming of a white ChristmasThe Christmas cards I sent were lateBut I’m still quite full of good cheerBecause all my Christmases have beer
Have Yourself A Calorific Christmas
Have yourself a calorific Christmas,Take another biteFrom now on,Our slippers will be out of sightHave yourself a lazy little Christmas,Eat the Yule-tide log,From now on,We’ll resolve not to ever jog Here we gorge on unhealthy food,Full of sugar we adoreChocolate boxes so near to usThat we need to have one more. At New Year we’ll…
Sulking in a Christmas Traffic Jam
Sirens blareAre you listeningIn the lanesDrivers bristlingA depressing sightIt’s crappy tonightSulking in a Christmas traffic jam Gone away is all hope nowHere to stay is a new lowThe queue looks so longAs we don’t go alongSulking in a Christmas traffic jam At the junction we can try a new routeAnd pretend that it will some…
The Day After Christmas
‘Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house, Not a calorie was burning, no-one would espouse, Any kind of activity, except watching telly, For more had been consumed than a bowl full of jelly And just before resolutions of New Year we make, (The ones that we keep for days and then break),…
A Cynical Revision Of The British National Anthem Inspired By The Ever-Increasing Divide Between The Haves And Have-Nots
Yesterday was the coronation of King Charles III. Which you probably already know. It was kind of a big deal. Such a big deal that it inspired me to briefly come out of my blog exile (an exile imposed largely by the fact that I have been in a perpetual state of exhaustion since the…
Free Verse About Shoes That Has Nothing To Do With A Recent Post That Was Also About Shoes
When the shoe is on the other footWhat happens to the shoe that was originally on the other foot?Does that move to the foot that the first shoe was on?And do these feet belong to the same person?A person who is now wearing their shoes on the wrong feet?Or have two people swapped a shoe…
Free Verse About The Value Of Money
I tried explaining That money isn’t everything That it can’t buy you happiness That it can’t buy you love That it is, in fact The root of all evil That, as much as I might try I can’t put my money Where my mouth is Because my mouth is already there And money makes a…
Free Verse About Policies
It’s an old adage That honesty is the best policy But one doesn’t often find honesty In many policies One may find statements With synonyms of honestyAmbitions of honesty And a general sense of honestyWithin the document But by and large When contrasting Policy and practice The policy will Generally be found To be dishonest…
Free Verse About Pandemics
It turns out That pandemics are not just about Highly infectious diseases They are also about Competency Logistics And cooperation Either exemplary Or a lack thereof And they are about values Sometimes shared Often not And about divisions in society Some previously unseen Others exacerbated And as they go on And on And on They…
Free Verse About An Early Morning Run In January
In the early hours of A crisp January morning I went for a run My way was initially lit By street lamps Whose reflections sparkled Like glitter In the ground frost belowBut as I hit the banks of the Thames The darkness was punctuatedOnly by the stars above me Shining brightly in the clear winter…
A Rapid Rhyme That Claims (Somewhat Unconvincingly) Not To Be About Christmas
This poem is not about Christmas So please don’t mistake it for that I’m already back into ‘work mode’ And considering being less fat No I’m not even thinking of Christmas As I write these words on the page I don’t have a craving for turkey And stuffing of onion and sage Christmas is but…
Yet Another Rapid Rhyme About The Denouement Of Christmas
Back to work after Christmas break It’s all downhill from here Can’t dress in festive loungewear Can’t start the day with a beer My suit is now a little tight And I really can’t think why Perhaps I’ll mull it over While I eat one last mince pie It seems unfair to be back at…
Another Rapid Rhyme About The Denouement Of Christmas
So we’ve reached the end of Christmas (Well we’re there or thereabouts) And somehow I’ve survived Though at times I had my doubts But as the festive feasting Is replaced by brutal workouts I’m still left to ponder Why did I buy so many sprouts?
A Rapid Rhyme About The Denouement Of Christmas
Epiphany is still yet days away The fridge contains leftover roast But it’s clear that the holiday’s over Christmas Spirit has given up the ghost I’m not quite prepared to eschew The remaining Christmas delights But I need to get back to normality And have a few earlier nights So today the tree must come…
A Limerick That Mistakenly Blames A General Sense Of Discontentment On An Abstract Measure Of Time
Can it still be 2021? It’s almost but not quite yet done ‘Twas no 2020 But still I’ve had plenty And I hope that next year is more fun
Free Verse About The True Meaning Of Christmas
As I get older I’m not sure I get wiser But sometimes my perspective can shift And views I once held Now seem as alien to me As an actual alien might seem If aliens existedAnd I were to meet one of them My perspective on Christmas Has certainly changed Many times over the years…
A Rapid Rhyme About Overindulgence Between Christmas And New Year
Though Christmas is over It still lingers on There remain treats aplenty To feast upon I’m not sure I can stop With so much to choose And when I get thirsty There’s no shortage of booze Balance can be found With the occassional sprout Which I’m sure will allay The onset of gout. New Year…
An Etymologically Dubious Poem About Boxing Day
The day after Christmas Is called Boxing Day Although quite why it’s called this I just couldn’t say But perhaps after a day With excited offspring We need to let off some steam And step into the ring After all that excess It’s a nice change of pace To put on some gloves And punch…
A Poem About How Bad This Poem Is
If I didn’t write this poem Then probably no-one would And that would be a shame Because it might have been quite good If someone else had written it It couldn’t be any worse They might have even said something Before the second verse Or stanza as it should be known If we’re going to…
Rhyme Crime
Sometimes I write bad poetry In itself that’s not a crime But perhaps it is a little sin That I often rhyme ‘crime’ with ‘rhyme’ Writing poems does amuse me And they rarely take much time And it’s not all that unusual For me to rhyme ‘time’ with ‘rhyme’ Sometimes my bad poems Find an…
A Rapid Rhyme About Breakfast
Tis said that breakfast is important I don’t know if that’s true But I know before I’ve had it My faculties are few I can’t function til I’ve had it In one of it’s many guises My heart says eggs and bacon But muesli’s what my head advises. And though my head’s advice Is for…
No Tifications
I have no Tifications And that makes me sad Because life with no Tifications Is quite clearly bad There are no emojions That could ever quite convey The true depth of my FOMO At the lack of tificating on display I do not like the appsence Of likes upon my page And I really cannot…
A Haiku To Announce A Temporary (Though Worryingly Non-Specific) Cessation Of Haikus On This Blog
I confirm today A welcome period of Haiku amnesty
A Haiku That Is Not Entirely Sure What Day It Is
Written yesterday In anticipation of Posting tomorrow
A Haiku That Fully Embraces Its Mediocrity
This haiku is ok For all it could be better It could still be worse
A Haiku That Regrets It Is Not A Better Haiku
The noble haiku Can be truly elegant When done properly
James Proclaims! 