James Proclaims (4)

I went to the pub last night. I didn’t drink that much, but I ended up being a tiny bit drunk. Certainly I was drunk enough that when I went to the chip shop on the way home I bought a significantly larger amount of food than I would have had I not been imbibing alcohol.

Normally my other half and I split a large portion of fish and chips between us and it’s more than enough. Last night I bought a portion of fish and chips for my wife and a pie and chips for me and then I stole half of hers, which she was very good about (probably because unlike me, she wasn’t in the least bit inebriated).

Despite having her portion significantly diminished, my beloved managed to leave quite a lot on her plate, whereas I scoffed all of mine, which left me feeling a little bit ill. But it was really hard, in spite of this, for me not to then finish off all that she had left.

At this point I was almost turning green, but, alas, I had not just stopped at the chip shop, I had also popped into the Co-op, and bought a profiterole based dessert, which was clearly not needed.

But even though it would have kept for a few days if left unopened in the fridge, I insisted we have it (at this point I realise I may have been a little more intoxicated than I had first suspected). To be fair my spouse held her own for this course. Nonetheless 50% of what was quite a large chocolate and cream based pudding was enough to leave me virtually immobile.

I had just enough energy to stumble up the stairs to bed whereupon I collapsed in a gratified heap and slept it off.

So it was something of a surprise when I woke up this morning, not with a hangover, but a perplexingly empty stomach.

One thought on “Glorious Gluttony

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