I wouldn’t even bother reading this if I were you…

I’ve just had an afternoon nap. It was quite pleasant.

It’s possibly the icing on the cake of what has, thus far, been an eminently pleasant Saturday. I’ve done nothing all day. My beloved and I did venture out this morning for breakfast, but that was an act of labour saving delight. Since then I’ve lounged in front of the TV, read a few pages of a novel, eaten some empty calories and nostalgically listened to few albums from the mid-nineties while lying on the bed in the guest room, which is unfit for actual guests to ever inhabit, but which serves perfectly well as my blog-office. Somewhere between Pearl Jam’s ‘Ten’ and Pulp’s ‘His and Hers’ I dozed off. I have recently woken up and I’m now facing my first crisis of the day.

I’ve run out of pods for my coffee machine.

This is an absolute disaster.

I’m now faced with the dilemma of having to actually go out to buy some and deal with the horrors of the Saturday shoppers at the supermarket, or alternatively to spend the rest of the day drinking slightly-less-nice instant coffee.

This ‘catastrophe’ does raise some questions.

Which I’ll now answer as if being interviewed:

How much coffee are you planning on drinking today?

Quite a lot.

This seems like a bit of ‘first world’ problem. Is this really that bad?

Objectively, no. But it seems bad to me because I’m a bit disorientated after my nap.

The ‘guest room’ situation sounds a bit worrying. What do you do when you have guests?

We encourage them not to stay.

Shouldn’t you just sort out the guest room?

Probably, but it never seems that bad when you compare it to the bathroom.

Well, shouldn’t you sort out the bathroom?

We both know what happened last time I tried to do DIY in there…

Why are you having such a lazy Saturday when there’s clearly so much to sort out in your house?

Who are you? My wife?

No I’m the voice of your subconscious…

No you’re not, you’re just a comic device that I’m employing to make an otherwise uninteresting blog post seem a bit more diverting.

It’s not working very well is it?

I think it’s quite effective actually.

Do you? Do you really?

Well, no.

You seem to be caught in a bit of a creative culdesac. How are you going to end this post?

Like this.

Seems like a bit of a cop-out. Surely you can do a bit better?

Go away.