James Explains Some Stuff That No-one Asked Him To Explain


Welcome back to another James Explains.

It’s been a while since I last donned my explaining socks (which are, essentially, just ordinary socks that I’ve chosen to call ‘explaining socks’), to answer the questions posed to me by other people. People like you. Assuming you are people. Which is the only assumption I can make, given my (probably limited) understanding of the way things  work. Maybe you’re an alien, or a robot, or a dog that can read. Or all of those things. Or none of those things. How can I possibly know? What kind of crazy world do we live in now, where alien-robot-dogs are able to read my blog? And why would such a being even want to read my blog?

To be fair, the answer to that is probably that, in anticipation of a world in which we are taken over by alien-robot-dogs, all of my content has been specially crafted to appeal to such beings. It’s why, if you’re a human reading this, you might sometimes feel slightly alienated, almost as if this stuff was never really meant for your consumption.

But enough of this nonsense. Just so long as everyone understands that come the day our supreme overlords decide to take control, I will be in a position of significant influence and power.

But until such a time, lets pretend that this blog is meant to be read by people and that those people have questions that they need me to answer.

The only problem is that it’s been over a month since I last wrote a James Explains, so I don’t have any questions that need answering.

I don’t think I do anyway. I could go back and look at the comments section of previous James Explains to see if there are any questions I didn’t get around to answering, but that seems like quite a lot of effort to go to. Instead I could just use this post as an opportunity to announce that James Explains is back and if you do have any questions that you need answering, then post them in the comments section below and I might, one day, get around to answering them. Possibly even as soon as next week.

Then again, it wouldn’t be a proper James Explains, if I didn’t at least answer some questions. I have been known, in the past, to answer questions that I’ve posed to myself, but even that seems like more effort than I’m really prepared to put into this today.

Instead I’m going to answer some Frequently Asked Questions that appear on some websites that I looked at. They’re all from different websites, because it turns out that people frequently ask different things of different businesses. In most cases the businesses have already answered these questions themselves, so all I’m offering here is a helpful second opinion.

Question 1, which may have something to do with air travel, is:

Can I bring infant equipment?

As opposed to fully grown equipment? If you think it’s up to the job then please do. I always say if it’s up to the task, it’s old enough, but you will be responsible for any equipment in your care, infant or otherwise.

Question 2, which might have something to do with TV licencing is:

How do I tell you about an unoccupied address or empty property?,

However you want to tell me. There’s no right or wrong way of doing this. It’s not especially bad news, so you don’t need to prepare the ground, particularly. If you’d like to compose a sonnet or a witty limerick to convey the information then that’s always appreciated, but a simple mundane email should suffice.

Question 3, which might have something to do with paying credit card bills, is:

What sort code and account number should I use for my payments?

It’s generally good form to use your own sort code and account number. I believe anything else might be construed as fraudulent. But I’ll leave it to your own discretion.

Question 4, which might be related to staying in a hotel, is:

Can I chat to someone in Customer Services?

I’d prefer you didn’t. They’re all busy people and they really don’t have time to chat. I’m not paying them to sit around chatting. Admittedly I’m not paying them at all. But I imagine the hotel chain feels the same as I do about this. Although you wouldn’t know that from their own answer, which provides a phone number and everything. That’s no way to run a business is it?


There we go, some FAQs answered, and answered well, if I do say so myself. If you have any LFAQs (or Less Frequently Asked Questions) for me, then do ask them in the comments below.


  21 comments for “James Explains Some Stuff That No-one Asked Him To Explain

  1. May 1, 2018 at 9:46 am

    A question from the unashameably verbose ‘Overthinkers R Us’ Oxford University Philosophy Department –

    “Do our idyllic childhood memories set us up for a life of dissapointment when inevitably many aspects of adultlife do not measure up to how we first conceived of them from our cocooned viewpoint as ‘babes in the woods’ or… are we all really on our own Wizard of Oz ‘Peak behind the Curtain’ journeys where the ultimate goal is acquiring wisdom and understanding without being brought undone by the occupational hazards of accompanying bitterness and dissillusionment?”

    Liked by 2 people

    • May 1, 2018 at 11:26 pm

      Overthinkers indeed. And I shall overthink my reply in return


      • May 2, 2018 at 6:31 am

        I don’t mean to talk it up, but an on-point intelligent response to this profound question of the standard that we have come to expect from you James is going to require all the rays of wisdom and insight you (or anyone) can muster. I look forward to your considered response to this truly head-spinning little ponderance.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. May 1, 2018 at 4:59 pm

    I wish to complain that you failed to answer my last question! I am incensed, and I feel that you have abused my human rights.
    I cannot remember what I asked, but I’m sure that it was really important.
    What compensation am I entitled to?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Suze
    May 1, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    I’m with Peter…how much money are you going to pay me to go away and/or start asking additional questions?

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 1, 2018 at 11:31 pm

      It’ll definitely be a round number

      Liked by 1 person

      • Suze
        May 2, 2018 at 7:30 pm

        well hopefully you will add some straight numbers as well! roflmao

        Liked by 1 person

  4. May 2, 2018 at 11:36 pm

    I’m so taken with your banking advice that I feel the need to immediately feel the need to give out my bank details. Nothing bad will ever come of this.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. May 3, 2018 at 9:57 pm

    Can you explain why my favourite deity is the ancient Babylonian god Nergal?

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 7, 2018 at 10:38 pm

      Isn’t he everyone’s favourite?


      • May 7, 2018 at 10:42 pm

        One would assume so. But I guess not everyone caught Nergal fever. Maybe the whole “underworld god” thing is offputting?

        Liked by 1 person

  6. May 4, 2018 at 10:01 pm

    Kan you please explain Kanye?

    Liked by 2 people

    • May 4, 2018 at 11:20 pm

      James explains the explainable.
      Kanye maybe, and I stress maybe, beyond his or indeed anyone’s powers.

      Liked by 2 people

      • May 5, 2018 at 7:47 pm

        This is very true – Kanye may well be beyond the realm of comprehension for most mortals. But I have faith that if anyone can unpick even a smidgeon of sense from Mr. West, James can. No pressure…!

        Liked by 2 people

  7. May 5, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    Did you hear that James?
    If anyone can… James can.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 7, 2018 at 10:39 pm

      I feel that expectations might have risen a little higher than they should have done…


  8. June 8, 2018 at 8:54 am

    This post is a riot.

    I have an LFAQ. Is a zebra white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?

    Liked by 2 people

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