No Cats Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Poem


It’s not that I don’t appreciate
Innovative ways of doing things
I’m certainly no advocate
For always doing
The tried and tested
I’m all for experimenting
Redefining what’s possible
Doing things differently

It’s not the methodology that matters
So much as the goal
And how ever many ways
There might be to achieve this
I’m still not convinced
That we need to skin a cat

Because aside from being an act
Of extreme brutality
I’m not sure what purpose it would serve
Cat skin doesn’t seem like a feasible material
To fashion even the most rudimentary of garments
And surely no-one wants to eat the meat
No I’m pretty sure those rumours are unfounded
No-one wants the meat

Yes I understand that it’s really just a metaphor
I just never really thought it was a good metaphor
In much the same way
That this poem
(If indeed this is a poem)
Could in any way be viewed
As a good metaphor
For the UK Government’s approach to…
…well anything really
But much like needless cat murder
It is a metaphor nonetheless
And I expect some people will get it
For all its clumsiness

  15 comments for “No Cats Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Poem

  1. Bear
    June 17, 2020 at 1:28 pm

    Oh well, at least it gave you a mews.
    (This is the sort of quality humour you get to develop now you’re a Dad.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 17, 2020 at 3:20 pm

      I’m feline confident I’ll be up to scratch


      • Bear
        June 17, 2020 at 3:32 pm

        Well, just keep your fur on and don’t get too curious about it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • June 17, 2020 at 3:33 pm

        Certainly paws fur thought


  2. June 17, 2020 at 7:59 pm

    Not meaning to upset you, but when my buddy’s military unit was sent to help train the Thai Marines they were frequently offered cat-kebobs in the market. In my opinion, governments are necessarily bureaucratic and the more free and democratic the country the worse the bureaucracy.

    Liked by 2 people

    • June 17, 2020 at 8:06 pm

      I think we could almost do with a little more bureaucracy over here. All seems a bit ‘make it up as we go along’ at the moment. No issues with the cat eaters of the world, at least they have a reason to skin one…

      Liked by 2 people

      • June 17, 2020 at 8:21 pm

        lol. Well, there is a quote that says the only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. June 17, 2020 at 9:24 pm

    Sympathies at you having to deal with the Tory litter box of messy confusions and rank responses.
    All I have to offer in commiseration this; Behind Boris stands his cool top cat gang/Claiming he’s making the Kingdom a better place/Like trained canaries his high praises all they sang/ While funny lines tumbled from his straight face.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. June 17, 2020 at 9:32 pm

    Never mind the skinning, when are the barbers going to open up. I want to return to being a British Shorthair!

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 17, 2020 at 9:39 pm

      I hear there’s one in Fleet Street above a pie shop. The meat in the pies is fairly suspicious and could well be cat. Or it could be all the journalists who denounced Dominic Cummings…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. June 18, 2020 at 12:09 am

    I just heard something today about how back in the days of the bubonic plague they thought the disease came from cats. So they killed all of the cats. Turns out it came from the rats that the cats were eating, so all of the cat killing made the plague spread faster. Ok, I should really fact check this, but it’s a beautiful little anecdote.

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 18, 2020 at 5:28 am

      II is a great anecdote. I’m happy to accept it as fact without checking…

      Liked by 1 person

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