Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’.
I like coffee. I drink quite a lot of it and I’m something of a snob connoisseur.
But in all honesty I doubt I know ten facts about coffee that aren’t already common knowledge. It would be ludicrous to claim otherwise.
Regular readers will no doubt have spotted that this is, once again, my (now apparently regular) Wednesday ‘click-bait’ post. I’ve been doing it for a few weeks now and if I’m honest the experiment has rather run its course. I don’t really know why I’m still doing it.
Perhaps it’s because, when all is said and done, disingenuous, low-quality content is still content and given that most media outlets, even publicly-funded institutions like the BBC, allow some pretty low-brow and worthless content on their websites, I don’t see why I should rise above it.
I should probably provide a link to something trite on the BBC website to prove my point, but these days my understanding is that you don’t need evidence to back up the claims you make and also quality is subjective, so it’s really just my opinion rather than an actual fact.
Believe it or not, some people will really like this post and consider it the height of satire.
And who’s to say they’re wrong?
James Proclaims! 
32 responses to “Revealed: Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Coffee”
Well, I like the click-bait titles. They’re pretty entertaining. It’s become kind of an expected, regular feature.
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Thanks. I’ll probably keep them going as long as they amuse me anyway but it’s nice to know someone else likes them
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I like them too. Although it does make me wonder how many readers click on them in wide-eyed anticipation and then leave in a disgruntled strop.
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While I hope the majority don’t, I can’t deny that it would give me a small amount of satisfaction if some people do.
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😅
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Sardonic cutting satire, pithy and on point. My sour bitter sour milk of kindness cup frotheth over….
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We do charge extra for the froth…
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I just came for the exclusive elderly hour, and damn it James, you’ve opened already and let, nay, *encouraged*, the young’uns in.
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Dear Mr Scribblans,
We thank you for your continued custom and regret that, on this occasion, we did not meet the high standards that you have come to expect from us. Unfortunately, any post about, or purporting to be about, coffee does tend to attract a younger readership than would be the norm and consequently it is hard to keep the number of rule breakers down to levels that would permit you to be the only rule breaker. We can assure you that many of our less popular posts are still available for valued customers such as yourself to flagrantly disobey our unenforceable rules and we do hope that you will continue to avail yourself of these opportunities. In the meantime, as a goodwill gesture, we would like to offer you a free ‘virtual’ beverage of your choice to enjoy on any of our posts throughout the month of August. Terms and conditions apply.
Stay safe,
J Proclaims – Whatever made-up title I gave myself yesterday.
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Ha ha brilliant! 😛
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If you think I’m coming back after this sort of treatment then you’ve… hang on… FREE beverage? See you next week.
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Not even a teeny tiny list? Or some expressive phrases?
Example:
I like coffee hot. Tepid coffee is yuck.
That sort of thing… 😂☕
You’re funny. 😛
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With hindsight a disappointing list might have been funnier than no list. I’ll try it out next time. But thanks for saying I’m funny anyway – it’s literally the only point of this blog most of the time so I’m glad it appeals to more discerning bloggers.
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Proof that click bait works? I read and I don’t even like coffee.
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To be fair you’ve read 30 posts I wrote about bands you mostly hadn’t heard of and 31 posts I wrote about Star Wars so I’m not sure I need click bait to draw you in.
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It’s probably better if we don’t examine the reason for that too closely…
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As long as people click on this stuff there might as well be someone writing it.
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And I’m happy for it to be me
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I have no complaints.
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It is satire. I was thinking that and then I read your last line and for a moment, I felt like I was a bit of an idiot for thinking that. Then I zeroed in on the word “height”. That immediately relieved me as it took me out of the category of those particular people. I don’t think it’s “the height of satire”, but I do think it’s satire! I also enjoyed it! 😊
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I can confirm it’s meant to be satire. And that line was tongue in cheek, but it is also deliberately open to interpretation. Glad you liked the post though.
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I still can’t get anywhere near that post and, since you banned me and I can’t get a doctor’s appointment, I’m in a real pickle. Why I got in here in the first place is quite an amusing story but, as I’m banned, I can’t explain that. Perhaps you could start up a help line? The James explains and FAQ’s helped a great deal!
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Thank you for commenting. Your comment is important to us. Unfortunately all of our operatives are currently busy but we will answer as soon as someone becomes available. Alternatively you may prefer to comment at another time.
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😉
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You got me. Good on you.
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Thanks for taking it so well
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I clicked, read, scrolled to the end. Mission accomplished. cheers
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That is all I could ever have hoped for
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[…] which currently, and rather arbitrarily, serves as the day on which I post my satirical ‘clickbait‘ posts. And they do really lend themselves to blogging about blogging. Because they […]
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[…] Apart from when it is. […]
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Well played, James. Well played…
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Thanks – glad you approve
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