James Predicts The Future

James Proclaims (4)

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It’s not like me to use misleading titles for my posts.

Apart from when it is.

And I fear I may have done just that today. Because this post is not going to be me attempting to predict the future in a humorous way, which is probably what the title implies.

Nor will it be an attempt to make any serious and thought-provoking predications based on the evidence of current world developments because this isn’t that kind of blog and I’m woefully underqualified to do that.

Being woefully underqualified is not always a barrier to me attempting to do things. It is essentially a trick I’ve been playing on my employer for many years.

Nonetheless, this post is an homage to a different post I wrote.

Because what is more compelling than a blogger blogging about other stuff he blogged about?

That question was rhetorical. I don’t need you to answer it in the comments. Unless you can answer it in a way that is funny. Then go for it. Often the best bit about my blog is the funny stuff that other people write in the comments section.

Anyway, the post that I’m referring to is the one I wrote on the first day of the year, which I cleverly entitled ‘So You Say You Want A Resolution‘. You should probably go and read that now.

Are you back? Or did you just not bother to go? I’m not the boss of you, you don’t have to go and read it if you don’t want to. It might help you to understand what I’m going on about in this post. Then again it might not. In summary, it was my tongue-in-cheek predictions for the New Year, but honestly it’s uncanny how accurately I predicted the horrors of 2020. Because how could I possibly have known about coronavirus back in January?

Ok, I know it was a thing even then, and some people were predicting it would become a pandemic, but I just assumed that being, you know, British, we were immune to such things. I thought it was written into our constitution. I know we don’t actually have a UK constitution, but it’s surely still implicit that Britain doesn’t take part in pandemics. I blame the EU. It’s just a shame that Brexit didn’t come sooner really…

Anyway, I didn’t predict an actual pandemic as such. But I did write the following:

“I mean it’s obviously only just begun, but I have a feeling that 2020 will be a year like no other.

Call it 2020 foresight if you will, but I predict that the year to come will be one that changes everything.

But obviously not in a good way.”

So, you know, I was pretty spot on if the popular media is to be believed.

Anyway my solution to the end of the world was going to be to get into shape “so that when Judgement Day arrives, I can be the grizzled, cynical, but ultimately kind-hearted hero that the world needs me to be.”

Now while that was obviously me just having a bit of (as it turns out quite misguided) fun, it was also a roundabout way of saying my New Year’s resolution was, as it is most years, to get a bit fitter. Not that I’m entirely a stranger to keeping fit, but I’ve always been a bit inconsistent with how committed I am to the cause. And I’m certainly no stranger to a pie. Or chips (you can interpret that as either the UK meaning for chips or the US version – I like both kinds). Or ice-cream. Or beer. Or pretty much anything that’s fundamentally bad for you.

So I could definitely have done with being a bit more committed.

Which, to be fair to me, I was for January and February. I went to the gym quite a lot in January while I was waiting for an ear infection to heal sufficiently to return to my swimming routine. And, in February I returned to the pool and as has been documented occasionally on this blog, I started running a bit.

Then the pandemic hit and the swimming pools closed. So I was only able to do the running, which I did stick to, but, as has also been documented, I’m not really very good at running.

Recently the pools re-opened, so I’ve been able to avail myself of mine for the last two weeks. And it has been going swimmingly. I’m still running, I’m still quite bad at running, but, because I’m swimming again, I don’t have to go running as often, which seems to have resulted in me being less bad at running on the days I do it.

So it would seem that I am ticking along nicely, if unspectacularly, in my quest to be a bit fitter

Except that…

…this is a bit awkward really but…erm…

…I maybe haven’t been as honest as I could have been on these pages…

Generally it’s in my nature to be a little self-deprecating. I’m not one for bragging.

And I really am bad at running.

But I haven’t just been running for the last few months.

I have actually been doing some other exercise. Stuff like press-ups and burpees and some quite horrible things involving a kettlebell.

And even though I did carry on working, I did have slightly more freedom with regards my working hours so I generally found time most days to fit in a workout.

And I appear to have accidently become genuinely quite fit. Honestly, no-one is more surprised than me that this has happened. I mean I still have a diet akin to that of an unsupervised toddler in a sweet shop but nonetheless, I do appear to be burning some of those excess calories.

And if the world does need a post apocalyptic hero in the near future, I’m definitely more qualified than I was in January.

I mean, it’s probably still better if we don’t have an apocalypse but I’m just saying, if I’m needed to save the world, I’d be happy to give it a go.

 

 

  30 comments for “James Predicts The Future

  1. August 3, 2020 at 5:31 am

    It’s funny you should post this because I just finished posting my private workout on my blog. Who knew? I did go back and read your January blog and it really was pretty accurate. I know you may think you are ready to save the world, And, even as heroic as we all know you are, please consider, Is the world ready for a hero like Super James, flying though the air in a spandex suit emblazoned with a large “J” and with the underwear on the outside and a cape flapping in the breeze?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2020 at 2:40 pm

      The world is not ready for that (one day maybe). I was kind of going for the reluctant ‘every man’ that is forced to step up when no-one else will. The sort of character that Bruce Willis tends to play. But with more hair…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Scribblans
    August 3, 2020 at 7:52 am

    Well done on getting fit James.
    My own preferred exercise of cycling has been woefully light this year. I’ve managed about one or two good rides a month instead of my every other day rides of peak fitness. I do have the static trainer but… well, the biscuits and ongoing season of ‘Watch the World End in the News’ is keeping me hooked.
    Luckily, from previous experience, I do know that ten kilos or more of me will disappear pretty quickly if at any stage if the season gets cancelled but ultimately won’t matter anyway if the series carries on towards a finale.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2020 at 2:42 pm

      Ironically if the series ends then my fitness regime is probably over. Definitely if it’s the finale obviously…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. August 3, 2020 at 9:21 am

    You’ve got the unmitigated gall to pitch your fit to me?! James James James. I’m not hurt, just… disappointed. You have a perfectly accomodating comfy sofa thats starting to have abandonment issues.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2020 at 2:43 pm

      It’s ok, it’s a temporary state of affairs at best. The sofa will never be fully abandoned.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. August 3, 2020 at 9:51 am

    Well isn’t it nice to know that *Quarantine Body* for “some” people means the opposite of what has happened to me? 😐😳😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2020 at 2:48 pm

      At best my fitness regime is mitigating my appalling dietary choices so I’m hardly an Adonis. It just means I feel marginally less guilty about the second slice of cake. I still feel moderately guilty about the fifth slice though…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. August 3, 2020 at 1:59 pm

    Please find enclosed my tea cup. Would you please read the leaves, wash up the cup, and return to me in the enclosed jiffy bag with a 2 page synopsis of my next 5 years. I would be particularly interested in your predictions of any imminent movement in my stocks and shares and, indeed, my bowel!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2020 at 2:49 pm

      Bowel movements are notoriously difficult to predict unless you have a high fibre diet.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. August 3, 2020 at 3:14 pm

    Oh crap!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. August 3, 2020 at 4:43 pm

    “Because what is more compelling than a blogger blogging about other stuff he blogged about?” — Ummmm … maybe you shouldn’t read my blog on Wednesdays. LOL

    Regarding the getting fit, someday soon I’ll go back to the gym, and I’ll step on the scale, and I’ll regret it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2020 at 8:23 pm

      I just think the scale is mean

      Liked by 1 person

  8. August 3, 2020 at 7:27 pm

    Now I’m almost looking forward to the apocalypse…

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2020 at 7:50 pm

      I hear you’ve got into shape too. There’s a place on the team if you want it…

      Liked by 1 person

  9. August 3, 2020 at 7:31 pm

    I don’t know if you could save the world or not, but I would welcome an apocalypse just to see you try. As a famous philosopher once said; “what the hell?’

    Liked by 1 person

  10. August 3, 2020 at 8:51 pm

    It’s a strange feeling when you realise you may have predicted events that are happening months before isn’t it.
    I had a strong feeling that there were going to be shortages of common things, way back in early March. My wife and everyone else thought I was crazy, but a 48 pack of toilet rolls and several other bulk items from Amazon, some extra canned goods, pasta, rice etc, weeks before the shortages started to occur and before any lockdown, and we were set.
    Oh yes, paracetemol, vitamin C tablets and other essentials, all stocked up, not to ridiculous levels as some idiots did, but enough to get us through a month or so if there were shortages.
    We are now well through the items we stockpiled, and the only thing we didn’t think about was flour, that and eggs, and you can’t stockpile those anyway!
    My prediction definitely saved us some grief though, I can’t imagine running out of toilet paper! Or coffee for that matter!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 3, 2020 at 9:49 pm

      My predictions were just meant to be a joke, although there were plenty of signs that change was coming I didn’t so much predict the pandemic as write something that could be interpreted that way with the benefit of hindsight. But I’m never above giving myself credit where none is due.
      I didn’t know you could get toilet rolls in packs of 48 – top tip if ever I heard one. But we always tend to have few weeks supply of most essentials so we’ve been ok. And we managed to stay pretty stocked up on eggs too!

      Like

  11. August 4, 2020 at 3:16 am

    Good on you! I’m still working on turning my one pack into a flat pack. So… I might not be able to join you in saving the world.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. August 4, 2020 at 3:35 am

    That’s really something that you wrote that prediction about 2020. It’s also great that you have done so well getting in shape. I’ve done a little better with year too, but I’d set the bar quite low last year so it wasn’t that hard! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2020 at 6:04 pm

      A low bar is essentially how I achieve anything

      Liked by 1 person

  13. August 4, 2020 at 2:55 pm

    Well, that makes one of us. cheers

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 4, 2020 at 4:43 pm

      And quite possibly not even that many…

      Like

  14. August 10, 2020 at 5:47 pm

    You brilliantly predicted everything except that gyms would be closed. The other point being that in the post apocalyptic world will you have time to blog if you are busy being a hero?

    Like

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