Wanted – Talented Writers Who Have No Personal Ambition And Are Happy To Give Away Content For No Remuneration Or Credit

James Proclaims (4)

A exciting opportunity has arisen for a creative, results focused and ambitious Content Writer who can take direction from written or spoken ideas and convert them seamlessly into quality content that is better than the stuff we’re currently churning out.

James Proclaims Ltd

James Proclaims is a multiple award-nominated blog based in the UK somewhere. The blog is quite possibly read and enjoyed by tens of people around the world, although this is based on some potentially misleading statistics. Nonetheless those stats point to a recent upward curve and so the time has come to consolidate that success by ‘employing’ someone who can actually, you know, write.

Content Writer

You will join us as a Content Creator and will draft all content for blog posts, ensuring it is of the highest standard, engaging, and will definitely get a lot of ‘likes’. You will be a valuable team resource in terms of industry knowledge, keeping abreast of trends and passing that knowledge on to the wider team. The wider team is, essentially, just one person, although that person does sometimes use the first-person plural to create the illusion that there is, in fact, a team.

Content Writer Responsibilities:

– Responsible for drafting all content and effectively marketing the content so as to generate lots of ‘likes’.
– Respond to comments on posts in a timely and, where possible, witty fashion.
– Research competitors to stay informed of what is popular on other blogs and, where appropriate, steal ideas and content.
– Make coffee for ‘the team’.
– Sometimes go to the pub with ‘the team’ and pretend to be his friend.

Content Writer Requirements:

Essential Desirable 
– Willing to work for no remuneration or credit – Proven experience of writing for web, email and social media
– Ability to write good, clear copy in a variety of styles and tones of voice with impeccable spelling and grammar
– Excellent proof-reading skills
– High level of accuracy and attention to detail


WE ARE AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES EMPLOYER AND WELCOME APPLICATIONS FROM PEOPLE FROM ALL BACKGROUNDS, GENDERS, ABILITIES AND ETHNICITIES.

Expressions of interest should initially be in the form of a message in a bottle. This is not a real job advert but all applications will nonetheless be considered before they are rejected.

This one

  39 comments for “Wanted – Talented Writers Who Have No Personal Ambition And Are Happy To Give Away Content For No Remuneration Or Credit

  1. August 2, 2020 at 5:26 am

    An opportunity no doubt some lucky soul will grab with both hands.
    Sounds too competitive a market for me to even think about straying into that type of territory.
    Good luck with sorting thru the no doubt hundreds of hopeful applicants.
    Who said some people weren’t flourishing during Covid 19?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 2, 2020 at 2:58 pm

      I’m certainly expecting a competitive field. It’s never too late to reconsider if you’d like to throw your hat into the ring.

      Like

  2. August 2, 2020 at 5:34 am

    Dear Mr. Proclaims,
    Thank you for your submission but we’re sorry that we cannot accept your generous offer at this time.

    Liked by 4 people

    • August 2, 2020 at 10:01 am

      My dream job … but I’ve just hired myself at similar rates, except the boss never brings me to the pub. And I have to buy my own drink!

      Liked by 2 people

      • August 2, 2020 at 3:04 pm

        What a shame, but maybe you can use this opportunity to gain some leverage with your new boss…

        Liked by 2 people

      • August 2, 2020 at 4:16 pm

        Nah … he’s a right bastard … never cuts me a break

        Liked by 1 person

    • August 2, 2020 at 2:59 pm

      I’m happy to keep your details on file should a future opportunity arise.

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 3, 2020 at 12:12 am

        Thank you ever so much, I am sure.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. August 2, 2020 at 6:47 am

    My application is in the Smirnoff bottle. Can I wave my current position goodbye?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 2, 2020 at 3:01 pm

      I’m all for encouraging reckless career sabotaging acts, so yes, I believe it is time to say goodbye to your current role. Be sure to burn as many bridges as you can on your way out the door.

      Like

  4. Scribblans
    August 2, 2020 at 7:53 am

    In order that I set it off well and my application lands at the correct place, would you be so kind as to tell me which ocean’s shores gently wash upon the delightful conurbation of Reading?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 2, 2020 at 3:03 pm

      If it’s meant to be, it will find its way here. But the Thames estuary might give it a chance, if it can somehow defy the natural flow of the river.

      Like

  5. August 2, 2020 at 10:44 am

    I have some questions (as all well-prepared, prospective applicants should have): Is there scope for international travel? And how would your organisation deal with emotional outbursts? Would you encourage, support or squash them?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 2, 2020 at 3:08 pm

      There is plenty of scope for self-funded international travel. Indeed we would actively encourage applicants to do this. Emotional outbursts are fine so long as they can be exploited for more award-nominated content.

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 2, 2020 at 4:40 pm

        I actually read an advert for a PA to a YouTuber yesterday. They were not so willing to allow any emotions to be shown, unless it was from the YouTuber. And based on the list of responsibilities, I think these would be frequent. Excessive toddler tantrums springs to mind!

        Liked by 1 person

      • August 2, 2020 at 7:48 pm

        I can handle toddler tantrums these days but find it inconceivable that anyone would want to be PA to a YouTuber…

        Liked by 1 person

  6. August 2, 2020 at 11:17 am

    Since there’s a no discrimination policy, can woodchucks and squirrels apply?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 2, 2020 at 3:09 pm

      As long as they meet the person specification then I have no objections. We are an equal-opportunities employer.

      Like

  7. August 2, 2020 at 2:00 pm

    Sign me up, James. You can find me at thelonelymeatball.ca. Your readers can also find me at thelonelymeatball.ca. They’re welcome there. Thank you for giving me this wonderful opportunity to….ah….apply for the position. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 2, 2020 at 3:11 pm

      I’m afraid we can’t have you writing for a competitor’s blog so I’m afraid you appear to have ruled yourself out. But we will keep your details on file in case we need to steal your ideas in future.

      Like

  8. August 2, 2020 at 3:09 pm

    I was going to apply but then I realized I already do that job for free for someone else–except for making coffee for the team. No one on my team likes coffee:-)

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 2, 2020 at 3:12 pm

      Well the coffee was kind of a deal-breaker so it’s probably best you stick with your current gig.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. August 2, 2020 at 3:48 pm

    I didn’t have an empty bottle to use so I started on the Glenlivet. Once empty I pound that it wus farf rom seaworthy so I decied tuse a nother bokkle but ths tume it waz vudker. Sin i duslik that i um onty a bish woo throo sos ithort soddit i’llll hav adrunk inshted.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. August 2, 2020 at 4:14 pm

    I got a like for a page I posted a while back – although that might have been from a bot! Anyway, would that qualify me for the role?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 2, 2020 at 4:38 pm

      I think you may be overqualified

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 2, 2020 at 4:57 pm

        Pity! Oh well – I’ll just have to keep browsing WordPress to see whether anything else tickles my fancy … 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  11. August 2, 2020 at 4:30 pm

    That sounds like me…

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 2, 2020 at 5:30 pm

      You’d be welcome to apply but I’d have thought you’d be looking to expand your own empire

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 3, 2020 at 10:31 am

        You know… I actually ghost-wrote a series for someone. Pretty pathetic, eh?

        Liked by 1 person

      • August 3, 2020 at 2:50 pm

        No-one ever asked me to ghost-write anything. I expect I’d say yes, I’m a sucker for a compliment.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. August 2, 2020 at 4:43 pm

    I would be happy to accept your rejection.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. August 2, 2020 at 8:40 pm

    Can I have your second choice! cheers

    Like

  14. August 4, 2020 at 4:18 pm

    Can I still claim my benefits whilst working here? I need my Hooch.

    Liked by 1 person

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