An Urgent Appeal On Behalf Of The James Proclaims Foundation

At this difficult time, it is easy to forget those less fortunate than ourselves, but here at The James Proclaims Foundation, we refuse to abandon those who are in need of our support.

Over the last few months we have been working tirelessly to continue to provide essential services to people like ‘James’.

James is a 41-year-old man who desperately needs money to pay for things that many of us take for granted such as:

  • A roof over his head
  • Food for his family
  • Subscriptions to various streaming services
  • The slightly more expensive coffee in Waitrose
  • Beer. Quite a lot of beer actually.
  • Really cool trainers.

For the last couple of decades, in order to pay for these basic necessities, James has been forced to go out and earn money by having a moderately well-paid job. But, even though James is apparently ‘lucky’ insofar as he has a job which is relatively secure and unlikely to be at risk during the post-lockdown economic crisis, we, at The James Proclaims Foundation, feel that James should not have to work every day like a chump in order to have a decent cup of coffee or to get mildly inebriated when he is looking after his two-year-old daughter.

We think James deserves to live the life of one of those ‘celebrities’ who is essentially only famous for being related to someone else who is famous and who has never had to do a decent day’s work in their lives.

We know that if we could raise enough money, then someone like James could thrive as a brand ambassador for any number of companies that wanted to pay him for using their products or (to demonstrate his versatility) he would happily get intoxicated and behave badly in public in order to help generate some much-needed tabloid headlines.

But James currently does not have these opportunities and continues to work tirelessly in a job which only really remunerates him well enough to meet his mortgage payments, settle all of his bills on time and buy the nice coffee from Tesco. Which probably isn’t quite as nice as the nice coffee from Waitrose. Although maybe it is.

But you can help to change that. By donating just a small percentage of your income, you could help James to give up ‘having to go to work’ and help him to live a vacuous, meaningless existence in relative luxury.

We know you might not be able to give much, but really, every penny counts.

So please, give generously and help to make James’ dream of ‘contributing nothing of value to society’ a reality.

  40 comments for “An Urgent Appeal On Behalf Of The James Proclaims Foundation

  1. August 25, 2020 at 6:13 am

    Penny for your thoughts?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 25, 2020 at 12:04 pm

      You would be overpaying but I’m happy to make that deal.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. August 25, 2020 at 6:13 am

    How odd. I found a “like” button and a “Comments” button but I couldn’t find the “Mark as Spam” button.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. August 25, 2020 at 8:38 am

    Did you know that virtual Instagram influencers are a thing now? There are CGI characters earning more than me for doing nothing more than lazing around on pretend beaches.

    I really am in the wrong job.

    Liked by 3 people

    • August 25, 2020 at 12:05 pm

      What has happened to the world?

      Liked by 1 person

  4. August 25, 2020 at 11:53 am

    I have donated everything my bank says I can. You owe me £10 because I only had negative money.

    Liked by 3 people

    • August 25, 2020 at 12:03 pm

      You have -£10! You are a wealthy man. I would reciprocate but you would owe me significantly more.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. August 25, 2020 at 12:16 pm

    You have me as a loyal and devoted reader. I was here for all 30 days of Star Wars. I believe you actually owe me money.

    Liked by 5 people

    • August 25, 2020 at 12:35 pm

      It’s hard to argue with you if you’re going to use facts.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. LA
    August 25, 2020 at 1:05 pm



  7. August 25, 2020 at 2:01 pm

    Such a moving and compelling argument. If I had any income at all I would gladly donate some of it to you. Maybe all of it, but, sadly, I don’t. Have you applied to whatever department Chris Grayling is running now? That should be good for a few million.

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 25, 2020 at 2:13 pm

      That’s true. Chris Grayling is quite generous with tax payer’s money and he never seems to expect anything in return. Brilliant idea!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. August 25, 2020 at 3:03 pm

    This was hilarious. I loved “really cool trainers”. I have a feeling your students don’t know about your blog.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. August 25, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    Actually, how old are your students?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 25, 2020 at 4:15 pm

      11-18 and they know nothing about my blog. They do, however, know that I have cool trainers…

      Liked by 2 people

  10. August 25, 2020 at 5:06 pm

    Can I use Paypal?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 25, 2020 at 5:16 pm

      I think you can enable a Paypal function in WordPress so, actually, if you’d like to, then yes you can…

      Liked by 1 person

  11. August 25, 2020 at 7:37 pm

    I will sell you some bitcoins… What are bitcoins?

    Liked by 1 person

  12. August 25, 2020 at 7:37 pm

    I meant ‘send’ – Freudian or what?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 25, 2020 at 7:48 pm

      I’m not sure what they are but I think they might be those chocolate coins you get at Christmas. In which case I would be grateful if you would sell them to me, although the campaign to raise money has not gone as well as expected so I’ll have to pay you in Nectar points.

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 25, 2020 at 7:50 pm

        That’s confusing too. My wife bought honey with some once – that worked.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. August 25, 2020 at 11:50 pm

    The donate button is broken.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 25, 2020 at 11:53 pm

      That’ll be why the funds haven’t come flooding in!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. August 26, 2020 at 11:59 pm

    As I used to say to my telephone company “The cheque is in the mail.” cheers


    • August 27, 2020 at 4:52 pm

      Excellent. Any idea when it will arrive? I’ve made several large financial commitments in the last few hours on the basis of those funds…

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 27, 2020 at 11:35 pm

        No problem. I know I got the address correct. James
        That cool guy in England

        Liked by 1 person

  15. August 27, 2020 at 3:06 am

    I can’t donate because as a poor American what a Pound or really cool trainers are. But in my blog I give advice for just this situation First you could try this Let me know how it turns out

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 27, 2020 at 4:54 pm

      I’ll read your advice, but frankly I’m reluctant to listen to anyone that doesn’t understand the importance of cool trainers.

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 27, 2020 at 10:23 pm

        What are cool trainers?

        Liked by 1 person

      • August 28, 2020 at 11:47 am

        Fundamentally they are trainers that are cool

        Liked by 1 person

      • August 28, 2020 at 5:24 pm

        Thanks for that bit of useless information. I went over your head and found out that Trainers are sneakers. And I have the coolest pair around they are purple. and you are right. One MUST have cool trainers and beer to survive Thanks for the Ha Ha james

        Liked by 1 person

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