James Explains How To Comment

Hello fellow bloggers, bots and the unlikely but still plausible person who reads this and is neither a blogger nor a bot. Today I’d like to talk about commenting on blogs. Because I’ve noticed that some people are prone to do so on this blog and, to put it bluntly, not everyone is getting it quite right.

So, at the risk of alienating some of my readers, I think it’s time we established some basic rules for commenting on my posts. Although if any of the ensuing advice does offend you then it’s probably because this blog isn’t for you. And that’s ok. Not everyone is going to be intellectually capable of accessing this material, so don’t beat yourself up. Some people have to be ‘below average’. That’s just how averages work. And as long as you can read words, there is bound to be a blog out there for you to enjoy. It’s probably just not this one.

Anyway, if you’re determined to stick around and worse still you absolutely have to write a comment, then please do consider the following advice before posting that comment:

  1. When you comment, you’re pretty much obliging me to reply. So think about that before you comment. Is it worth my time? I don’t mind replying to good comments but I do expect you to proof read it several times before you post it. Maybe get a friend to check it. If you take a few extra moments to focus on producing quality content then we’ll all reap the benefits.
  2. Despite my insistence on high quality comments, I would urge you to avoid posting comments that are better than the blog post itself. This sort of thing is happening far too often, and frankly it’s just showboating.
  3. If you’d like to give me some helpful advice on blogging, I would urge you to consider whether I really seem like the sort of person who would welcome advice on blogging.
  4. If the only reason for your comment is to shamelessly self-promote your own blog, then be my guest. It’s fundamentally the only reason I ever comment on anyone else’s blog. Ever. Nonetheless, I would urge you to focus your self-promotion efforts on enticing my other readers rather than me. If you happen to have written a post that you think I will enjoy, then inviting me to ‘check it out’ in the comments section of my blog will likely result in me clicking on the link and ‘liking’ your post just to shut you up, but I will never actually read it. Just out of spite.
  5. The best kind of comments are the ones that essentially recognise that I am the greatest writer of this, or indeed any other, era. If you’re not entirely of the view that this blog is the best blog that ever was and ever will be, then it’s questionable whether you should be commenting at all.
  6. If points 1-5 have left you with a bitter taste, then you might want to try consuming them again with a pinch of salt.

I do hope that has cleared everything up and I look forward to reading the well-written and predominantly sycophantic comments below.

  55 comments for “James Explains How To Comment

  1. August 29, 2020 at 3:52 am

    I have proofread this comment seven times, and my staff is enthusiastic about the content it contains. You are the greatest writer of our time, and possibly the greatest writer off all time. Your blog is second to none. The only reason I made this comment was to personally promote my blog, which, though not as good as yours, is still pretty good. I urge everyone reading this comment to access my blog by clicking on the Gravatar at the top of this comment.

    Liked by 6 people

    • August 29, 2020 at 10:15 am

      I presume your staff is made from a superior wood to that of your writer’s block?

      Liked by 3 people

  2. August 29, 2020 at 4:09 am

    Okay, with the shameless self-promotion bit, I think you were thinking about me because I have, on occasion, mentioned my blog thelonelymeatball.ca. You may recall, thelonelymeatball.ca is children’s poetry blog with my poems, and my childlike illustrations. Every once in a while, I do something a little different and possibly write about something that has happened to me. If you weren’t thinking about me and thelonelymeatball.ca, then I apologize. I didn’t meant to get defensive about thelonelymeatball.ca, but it’s become like a child to me – my child – that’s thelonelymeatball,ca, I mean — just to clarify. Anyway, thank you for clarifying the rules. It’s always good to know the rules that you’re breaking.

    Liked by 6 people

    • August 29, 2020 at 10:17 am

      I’m a firm believer in knowing the rules that you’re breaking, though in fact you didn’t actually break any of the above rules. So I would urge you to do better in future.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. August 29, 2020 at 4:33 am

    Ha! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 29, 2020 at 10:19 am

      Simple. I like it. You are welcome to comment again.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. August 29, 2020 at 4:40 am

    This comment has been proofread numerous times by my 8-year-old brother and he assures you that its content is worth reading. You truly are the greatest writer we’ve ever seen. Why limit yourself to blogging – when you can be a world-famous author or write the script of Star Wars X (I know it’s not coming) far better than the people at Disney. I reciprocate dumbestblogger in terms of everything else. I have 2 blogs but combined neither can match the quality of James Proclaims!
    PS: You might want to check your spam on this one.

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 29, 2020 at 10:22 am

      Disappointingly the spam folder is currently empty, and I had such high hopes too. And obviously I’m using my highly successful and influential blog as a platform to lure in Disney. They’re currently being quite coy on the matter but I feel it is only a matter of time.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. August 29, 2020 at 5:07 am

    This comment has been proofread several times by myself and my my cat Nova. And, frankly, she rather likes it. Although Nova seems to think my comment is awesomesauce, she may be somewhat biased.

    While not near as good as James Proclaims, Juliett Whiskey Delta Sierra ( https://www.jwds.ca ) is a relatively decent Web site. My writing pales in comparison to that of a distinguished and renowned writer such as yourself though.

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 29, 2020 at 10:25 am

      I will accept this comment as it clearly falls within the shameless self promotion guidelines, but I would urge you to reconsider the use of cats in future. I don’t doubt Nova’s credentials but I am allergic to cats which you would know if you’d bothered to do the level of research I normally expect to find in my comments section.

      Like

  6. August 29, 2020 at 5:11 am

    I started by leaving articulate(to me at least) comments, but they were frequently spammed. Now I say a brief ” great read” most of the time. I like your points! 🤠🔥

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 29, 2020 at 10:30 am

      The spam filter is the enemy of many a talented commenter. This one made it through and you have abided by the rules so welcome to the life-affirming experience that is commenting on my blog.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. August 29, 2020 at 5:15 am

    I are wrote gud commints on yer blawg. Your weblog ain’t even too bad doncahknow.

    Liked by 4 people

    • August 29, 2020 at 10:34 am

      Hmmm, although at face value this seems like a flagrant disregard for my message on proof-reading, it actually takes quite a lot of effort to write this badly, so in many respects you appear to have put in the requisite level of work. But I’ll be keeping a close eye on future comments sir.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. August 29, 2020 at 5:53 am

    No fu- further comment?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 29, 2020 at 10:35 am

      This is in clear breach of rule 2. And you are a frequent breaker of that particular rule. Nonetheless I will allow this comment on the basis of brevity.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. August 29, 2020 at 9:41 am

    I don’t know if I dare leave a bloody comment now 🤣

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 29, 2020 at 9:49 am

      I certainly don’t 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • August 29, 2020 at 10:38 am

        I shall ignore the irony of the fact that you both did, in fact, choose to comment, and instead applaud you both for taking my rules seriously.

        Liked by 1 person

      • August 29, 2020 at 11:56 am

        I take your rules so seriously that I commented on a comment, and not your actual post. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

      • August 29, 2020 at 1:33 pm

        That’s the mark of an accomplished commenter. Thank you for setting such a good example to the less experienced commenters.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. August 29, 2020 at 9:57 am

    Please visit my blog.
    Not you James, it makes me look distinctly average. I mean everyone else, some of whom I recognise as having sent here myself so it’s about time I had them back.
    Yeah, OK, different name from Bryntin but essentially the same idiot.

    This comment has been proof read.
    It is 100% proofed, by a proof. I can prove it.
    Foolproof. (However, the proof was not a fool)
    I’m going.
    Poof.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 29, 2020 at 10:41 am

      I would concur that since the great Bryntin chose to leave the blogosphere, Scribblans has been a relatively good tribute act. Sometimes it almost feels as if Bryntin is still with us…

      Like

  11. August 29, 2020 at 10:54 am

    👀🙊

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 29, 2020 at 11:32 am

      They say a picture paints a thousand words. So congratulations on your 2000 word comment. I find that level of effort commendable

      Like

  12. August 29, 2020 at 11:48 am

    Unfortunately for both you and me, my current proofreader staff are busy with 💩 or sleeping. One is a puppy and I doubt he would recognize any words not scented by 💩, the other is a teenager and everyone knows teenagers are not coherent, or awake, prior to 2pm. Currently in 🇨🇦 it is far, far away from 2pm.

    Having said that, you may verify the validity of 💩 and teenagers mentioned in this comment in my own blog which you can access my clicking my face since I am too tired to type out the whole address because I spent all night cleaning up 💩.

    💩😎💩

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 29, 2020 at 1:32 pm

      If I didn’t already read your blog I would have been happy to take your word regarding the 💩. I have a two year old child so I can sympathise to an extent. It’s all 💩 at the end of the day.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. August 29, 2020 at 12:06 pm

    Comment? I’m just here for the art exhibit. I was told there’d be gin…

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 29, 2020 at 1:34 pm

      We’re not providing any gin, but you’re welcome to bring your own bottle and get drunk in the corner.

      Like

  14. August 29, 2020 at 12:42 pm

    Rules? why are a rules?
    Will ther be a test?
    Hey Beck did you read the lost?

    Are you kidding? Of course not! I don’t read posts I just like them and move on.

    Well I did read it and I’m completely insulted.
    Is James talking to me?
    *wracks brain* have I ever broken the rules? I’m a rule follower… oh no am I in trouble?
    Maybe I should just delete this comment – after all it might be breaking the rules.

    Look, just tell him how awesome he is and how his blog is the best in the world and how your day would be dull and dreary without it— that’s the kind of thing he likes.
    Ooh! I know. I know. Do that thing- you know that “I’m not worthy thing!”
    🙇‍♀️ 🙇‍♀️ 🙇‍♀️
    You should be good.
    You’re good.
    Carry on.

    Wait! Did I say all that out loud?

    Liked by 3 people

    • August 29, 2020 at 1:40 pm

      If only you had said it out loud, we’re on different continents so I would never have heard it. Instead you wrote it down and made a mockery of what is a very important and deeply personal issue for me.
      But I’ll get over it and I might even let you carry on commenting on my prestigious blog. But we will have to see what score you get on the test first.

      Liked by 3 people

      • August 29, 2020 at 1:50 pm

        (Oh crap… he heard it)

        Liked by 3 people

  15. LA
    August 29, 2020 at 1:17 pm

    Every comment ever made on my blog is better than the actual blog….

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 29, 2020 at 1:42 pm

      You need to establish some ground rules and you’ll be fine. Some of these commenters just need to know their place.

      Liked by 2 people

      • LA
        August 29, 2020 at 1:43 pm

        You’re so right

        Liked by 2 people

  16. August 29, 2020 at 1:18 pm

    I can’t get over no. 5 but I’m commenting anyway. Does this count?😁

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 29, 2020 at 1:44 pm

      I do feel that number five is the most important rule really. I’ll give you a free pass on this occasion but you are going to need to get on message soon.

      Like

  17. August 29, 2020 at 2:27 pm

    Half a

    Liked by 1 person

  18. August 29, 2020 at 3:24 pm

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 29, 2020 at 3:29 pm

      [_(>_<)_]

      Like

  19. August 29, 2020 at 3:47 pm

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Like

  20. August 29, 2020 at 5:06 pm

    Just to let you know I’ve ‘liked’ this post just for the hell of it. What was it about?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 29, 2020 at 5:12 pm

      I can appreciate an empty ‘like’. It’s difficult to summarise such a seminal post into a sentence but reading it would have changed your life.

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 29, 2020 at 5:15 pm

        What an opportunity I’ve missed! I may never recover…

        Liked by 1 person

  21. August 29, 2020 at 7:35 pm

    You’re the best writer I know. I hope I spelled all of that correctly. I’ve been getting a lot of comments lately that are just links. Luckily I have a solid spam filter. It’s solid because it’s made of spam.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 29, 2020 at 8:31 pm

      Spam is an excellent material to make filters out of. Thank you for giving me the recognition I deserve.

      Like

  22. August 30, 2020 at 6:07 pm

    Merry Hat Alit Tell Lam Ids Fleas Whir Wide Ass Know Ant Aubrey Wear Dat Merry Wend Da Lam Vas Chore Ta Glow

    I ran this through spell checker 5 times and it’s all spelled right. I don’t have a staff or rules like the great James, BUT PLEEEEEESE READ MY BLOG!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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