Locking It Down As The UK Goes Viral Again

James Proclaims (4)

As I write this, it is Sunday morning, but due to my propensity to write my posts slightly in advance of the day I publish them, this will likely be on my blog on Monday. That’s just the kind of advance planning I do to ensure that a rather niche and little-read blog is able to maintain a daily posting schedule. It’s not important that I maintain a daily schedule or indeed that I blog at all, but I like to apply a little forethought to most areas of my life.

Clearly the UK government adopts a similar level of planning to deal with pandemics, as we are not currently in lockdown in England, but we will be on Thursday. Boris has used all of his negotiating skills to strike a deal with COVID 19 and it has agreed not to infect anyone for the next few days as long as we are in full lockdown by Thursday.

Some people who weren’t party to those negotiations have questioned why the lockdown didn’t come into force immediately but those people are idiots.

Although they aren’t as stupid as the people who have questioned the government’s policy of pretending that there wasn’t going to be any kind of lockdown and then implementing one at the last minute. Those people have obviously never been part of any kind of high level negotiation before. It’s not like the government could just let the virus know what they were planning to do. Then they would have had no leverage. By pretending they were going to try and implement a convoluted and ill-thought through tiered approach to suppressing the virus, they caught COVID 19 completely off-guard when they announced the lockdown that they had secretly been planning to implement all along. I’ll bet the virus is feeling pretty silly this morning.

What is particularly clever about this latest strategy is that the rules are different to the last lockdown so there is no way the virus can have prepared for it. And even more clever is that the rules are possibly even more confusing than last time round so the virus won’t know if it’s coming or going.

Indeed the rules are so confusing that I don’t think anyone really understands them, which is perfect because it means that no-one can explain the rules to the virus.

We’ll soon send COVID 19 packing from these shores, just like we did last time around.

Until then, I’ll be hunkering down in Barnard Castle.

  19 comments for “Locking It Down As The UK Goes Viral Again

  1. November 2, 2020 at 5:16 am

    Well, at least Dominic has highlighted a well worn path to Barnard Castle. If you see his Range Rover appearing fast in your mirrors, pull over, slow down, give him at least six feet to push past you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2020 at 6:38 am

      He’s only doing what every responsible father would do. Sorry, I always confuse the term ‘responsible father’ and a four letter word beginning with ‘c’…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. November 2, 2020 at 6:55 am

    …… and no problems there as this time round business trips are allowed, although I have heard that Dommings doesn’t travel well, so he will probably break the rule of sicks.

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2020 at 7:16 am

      As long as his eyesight is tested thoroughly then I’m sure all will be fine.


  3. November 2, 2020 at 9:50 am

    It’s amazing how much hunkering has been going on this year already. We appear to be a nation run by complete hunkerers.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. November 2, 2020 at 11:55 am

    You have to wonder what they’re thinking…sigh.

    Fun way of expressing your, um, concerns. 🙂

    Hang in there. It’s going to be a long winter.

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2020 at 6:54 pm

      It feels like Narnia at the moment – always winter and never Christmas

      Liked by 1 person

  5. November 2, 2020 at 12:32 pm

    The intricate details and finesse of this plan are quite admirable.

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2020 at 7:05 pm

      It’s a stunning example of forethought and planning

      Liked by 1 person

  6. November 2, 2020 at 1:05 pm

    I fear our irresponsibility is leading us to the same. Good thing I’m well stocked with toilet paper.

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 2, 2020 at 7:07 pm

      Toilet paper is the only comfort many of us really have at the moment


  7. November 3, 2020 at 3:19 am

    Well you were worried you wouldn’t have time to blog. Now you wil. seek the bright side

    And Laugh

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 3, 2020 at 5:35 am

      Nope, I work in a school and they are staying open so I’ll be as busy as ever but without anywhere to go to relax in my free time. The bright side is that having a 2-year-old means I never have any free time so I probably won’t notice that the world is closed

      Liked by 1 person

  8. November 3, 2020 at 12:43 pm

    Have you forwarded your thoughts to 10 Downing Street? Or are you thinking that your superior blog is just far beyond their comprehension? [sigh]

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 3, 2020 at 6:47 pm

      I suspect it would go over their heads


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