On the day this post goes live, I’ll be returning from my family holiday, although at the time of writing, I haven’t yet gone on that holiday.

Not that I wrote this that long ago.

Unless you’re reading this way in the future, in which case I did write it that long ago, but it’s not my fault that your tardiness to this post has made me factually inaccurate.

Honestly, I do my best to keep things as authentic as possible on here. Some might say I’m a little too obsessed with the details.

They are wrong, of course.

The magic is in the details.

But if you’re going to show up late to the party, it’s impolite to blame the host. Frankly, the party is over. But I’m a hospitable host, and I’m going to let you in anyway.

But I’m now going to direct my attention to the people who did show up on time.

First of all, thank you for your punctuality.

It makes a difference, and I appreciate it.

And as far as you people are concerned, I wrote this quite recently, because the holiday I’m about to go on/just came back from is going to be/was a short holiday.

Right, that was confusing.

I can’t keep writing this post in two different timelines.

So I’m going to choose your timeline. The people who showed up on time. Not the laissez-faire ones who got here late. They’ll just have to imagine that whatever day they are reading this on is the day you are reading this on.

So yes, today, Monday 17th August 2026, I came back from my annual summer holiday with my family.

I’ve no idea if it was any good, because, as I say, I’m currently stuck in the past and haven’t been on the holiday yet. But I booked it, and it seemed quite appealing when I booked it, so I imagine it will have been quite good.

There’s a swimming pool there and the kids like swimming.

Also, I only went for four days, which is a short holiday, but the reduction in time meant I was able to go for slightly nicer accommodation than normal, so that’s pretty cool.

So I think it’s safe to say I had a good time.

Or at least the kids will have had a good time, and that’s all that matters.

Apparently.

Obviously, if you’re a burglar reading this, I’m sorry to tell you that the window for breaking into Proclaims Towers has now passed. It was a short window this year, so better luck next year.

If it’s any consolation, there isn’t much there that would be worth taking, and the house is such a mess, we wouldn’t even have noticed that you were there.

So it would have been a waste of your time, and I never like to waste people’s time.

If you do somehow have access to my unpublished posts, and are reading this in advance of it being published, and you do want to break in, then I’d be grateful if you could do the dishes.

We left in a bit of a rush, what with being a disorganised bunch, and the breakfast plates could do with a rinse.

Also, if you’d like to get some milk in for us, that’d be great.

Although, if you are a burglar who is capable of the kind of cybercrime that would allow you to access my scheduled posts in advance of their publication, you don’t need to break into my house anyway.

You could employ your talents towards much more lucrative crimes.

Go on. Give it a go.

I believe in you.

As far as any other readers go, just to let you know that today I returned from a holiday that, at the time of writing, I haven’t yet been on, so I can’t really tell you anything about it.

Hope that’s all clear.

Thanks for stopping by.