My watch tells me how far I've walked
It counts up all my steps each day
I didn't really ask it to
It's overconfident that way

I only want to know the time
And perhaps to recall the date
I don't need to know my step count
But I'd prefer not to be late

And yes my watch conveys the hour
It's excellent at doing that
But it seems also to imply
That I might be getting quite fat

Or at the very least unfit
And sugarcoating, there is none
It laments my VO2 max
Which is never very much fun

I don't understand my timepiece
Its vitriolic attitude
It sits there all day on my wrist
Being unacceptably rude

Perhaps when I was purchasing
This assertive chronometer 
I should have gone more analogue
Which might have suited me better

Rather than snapping up a deal
At less than half the normal price
For a watch designed for running
That simply won't ever be nice