I'm off to the shop
And I've got my list
I've checked it twice
But what have I missed?

I've got all the staples
And one or two treats
There's really no harm
In the odd bag of sweets

But is there anything else
That we desperately need?
Let me know now
And I will take heed

What? Nice cakes? Of course
I'll get those with pleasure
And I'll throw in some doughnuts
Just for good measure

What's that you say?
You think I misheard
Not nice cakes but rice cakes?
No, don't be absurd

We've got a full packet
In our cupboard there
In fact, they're alone
It's otherwise bare

So we can't need more
If we didn't eat those
When we had choices
They're what nobody chose

I don't think you like them
And I'm sure that I don't
If you won't eat rice cakes
I certainly won't

But to repeat my point
(And I don't wish to bore)
If we have a full packet
How can we need more?

Now say that again
My hearing's not great
No, I heard you correctly
You say they're out of date?

But how can they be?
Your argument's flawed
They can't have gone off
They're made of cardboard

But let's say you're right
Why such a haste
To replace a food source
That will just go to waste?

I don't understand
They're handy to store?
Handy for what though?
What are they for?

If we never eat them
What use can they be?
Disposable coasters?
That's all I can see

They're an option, you say
When you want to be good?
I can't see the merits
In eating dry wood

But if they are healthy
(I'll concede that they are)
The idea that you'll eat them
Is one fetch too far

Their main role in weight loss
As an alternative to bread
Is to be so unappealing
That we eat nothing instead