The music of Bruno Mars fills my home. I’m slightly proud of myself for knowing that it is Bruno Mars until I remember that Bruno Mars has been a household name for about 16 years or so, and is hardly a ‘new artist’. The man is 40, for goodness’ sake. He could be my friend. He’s unlikely to be my friend, we really don’t mix in the same circles, but I’m 47 and it wouldn’t be weird for me to be friends with a 40-year-old. It would be normal.

So, Bruno, if you ever read this and fancy a beer in the Fox and Hounds then I’m up for it. I’ll need to check with Mrs Proclaims in advance. Not that she dictates when I can and can’t go to the pub, but we have kids, so it’s only polite that I give her some notice of my plans.

Although if I’m honest, the reason that the music of Bruno Mars fills my home is not because I’m a fan. Which might make any pub meet-up slightly awkward, actually. Although maybe Bruno would prefer friends that aren’t sycophants. I know I do. None of my friends or family read my work. Either on The WordPress or The Substack. And I still value their company. In small doses.

I’m actually not that big on socialising. That thing that some people refer to as their ‘social battery’ – if I have one of those, it’s faulty. I should really go back to the manufacturer and ask for a replacement.

But that metaphor doesn’t really work because…

Look, it’s pretty clear why it doesn’t work. Let’s just leave it at that.

The point is, it’s my inherent lack of enthusiasm for socialising which is the problem, not the fact that everyone I know is indifferent to my creative genius.

But as I say, I don’t really like or dislike the work of Bruno Mars. But apparently Little Proclaims does. Now, as an eight-year-old, she should really be as indifferent to his work as I am. And truthfully, she is. I think it’s only the one song she likes.

She has a sort of playlist, my daughter, which is a mix of some music I don’t know, understand or particularly care for, and a weirdly eclectic mix of pop songs that were hits a few years ago. Sort of early 2010s. After my time, really – my musical tastes are mainly fixed in the 1990s, with a fairly good representation of the 2000s and then a smattering of stuff from other eras.

I go to the Reading Festival most years, so I’m not as unaware of the stuff the kids actually like as I pretend to be.

And anyway, a lot of the kids like stuff from the 1990s because it’s awesome. And because the internet has robbed them of anything they can truly call their own.

Which possibly explains Little Proclaims’ eclectic tastes.

And to an extent, the tastes of her younger sister.

Mini Proclaims is four and she does sort of look up to her older sister. If Little Proclaims declares something to be good, Mini Proclaims will go along with it. To an extent.

She knows her own mind, though, and if she likes something then she likes it. Little Proclaims is more fickle, and what she loves one day, she might well hate the next. So sometimes they don’t agree on what the soundtrack to our home should be.

It’s currently Bruno Mars, though.

And Bruno Mars is loud.

Which annoyed me for a moment.

Because I was trying to do something and unsolicited Bruno Mars can be quite distracting.

And then I thought, I could just write a post about it.

So I did.

Bruno Mars has stopped now.

Now we’re listening to the Pokemon theme tune.

You see?

Eclectic.

Pokemon was a bit after my time too.

But I do really like the theme tune.