Category: Poetry
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I first drank a mochaccino in the late 1990sIt genuinely blew my mindUntil then I had been contentWith a middle-of-the rangeInstant coffee at homeBold Glend…
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This week I started wearing new clothes to workClothes largely in the style of my other work attireBut newer versions of themNew shoes, new trousers…
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Oh how we celebrateWhen our small child defecatesIn a plastic potty What makes us so happyIs the absence of a nappyAnd no poo on the…
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I don’t wish to sound ungratefulMy weekends are never hatefulBut sometimes they can be quite dullThough busy and quite often full Straightforward as weekends can…
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Sometimes I don’t pay attentionWhich may be a bone of contentionA potential source of tensionBeyond my own comprehensionIrrespective of my intentionBut perhaps it is worth…
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My house smells of binMuch to my chagrinIf my house were an innI would not check-inBecause it smells of bin The unpleasant scentNow ever-presentDoes not…
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Today I saw a fat ratNot a fat catOr a plump batOr a rotund gnatBut a ratThat was fat Perhaps I lack tactBut I think…
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As we said goodbye to JanuaryAnd associated fadsSuch as Veganuary(In which I did not participateOut of sympathy to vegetariansWho surely must feel a levelOf antipathy…
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I’m waiting in for a man Who can fix my roofBecause I can’t fix my roofI’m rather lacking in that skillThe man is now 45…
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Old Christmas tree, Old Christmas tree!How are thy leaves so plastic!Old Christmas tree, Old Christmas tree,I’m not being sarcastic In the loft in the summertime,I…
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I’m not dreaming of a white ChristmasJust like the ones I’ve never knownWith my gas bill risingThere’s no disguisingThe last thing that I need is…
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Have yourself a calorific Christmas,Take another biteFrom now on,Our slippers will be out of sightHave yourself a lazy little Christmas,Eat the Yule-tide log,From now on,We’ll…
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Sirens blareAre you listeningIn the lanesDrivers bristlingA depressing sightIt’s crappy tonightSulking in a Christmas traffic jam Gone away is all hope nowHere to stay is…
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‘Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house, Not a calorie was burning, no-one would espouse, Any kind of activity, except watching telly,…
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Yesterday was the coronation of King Charles III. Which you probably already know. It was kind of a big deal. Such a big deal that…
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I tried explaining That money isn’t everything That it can’t buy you happiness That it can’t buy you love That it is, in fact The…
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It’s an old adage That honesty is the best policy But one doesn’t often find honesty In many policies One may find statements With synonyms…
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It turns out That pandemics are not just about Highly infectious diseases They are also about Competency Logistics And cooperation Either exemplary Or a lack…
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In the early hours of A crisp January morning I went for a run My way was initially lit By street lamps Whose reflections sparkled…
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This poem is not about Christmas So please don’t mistake it for that I’m already back into ‘work mode’ And considering being less fat No…
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Back to work after Christmas break It’s all downhill from here Can’t dress in festive loungewear Can’t start the day with a beer My suit…
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So we’ve reached the end of Christmas (Well we’re there or thereabouts) And somehow I’ve survived Though at times I had my doubts But as…
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Epiphany is still yet days away The fridge contains leftover roast But it’s clear that the holiday’s over Christmas Spirit has given up the ghost…
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Can it still be 2021? It’s almost but not quite yet done ‘Twas no 2020 But still I’ve had plenty And I hope that next…
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As I get older I’m not sure I get wiser But sometimes my perspective can shift And views I once held Now seem as alien…
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Though Christmas is over It still lingers on There remain treats aplenty To feast upon I’m not sure I can stop With so much to…
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The day after Christmas Is called Boxing Day Although quite why it’s called this I just couldn’t say But perhaps after a day With excited…
James Proclaims! 