I haven’t penned a poem Since the year ended in eight So, it would be quite unfair To expect this to be great Quality is not my goal That would be a step too far If anything, my aim is To really lower the bar To write poetry this bad Is nothing short of a…
Category: Poetry
Unleash Your Lethargy
Sorry that I didn’t Do that thing I said I’d do I didn’t get around to it Because I didn’t want to It’s not that I am lazy (Though you could say that of me) But I really see no purpose In being as busy as a bee It’s hard to really care about A…
Sofa Loafer
Sitting on my sofa Is where I like to be It might not be exciting But it’s just right for me I don’t crave adventure I don’t need a quest I’d rather put my feet up And have a little rest It’s really not the height Of furniture design But for a lazy evening My…
Glass Overflowing
Sunday much better When I begin my day with Sundae for breakfast
Glass Now Empty
Awesome Friday nights Far too often result in Awful Saturdays
Glass Half Empty
Waited a whole week For Friday night to arrive Just to dread Monday
There Is No ‘I’ In T-E-A-M
There are things that I am bad at Which are a strength of yours So if we work together We might accomplish more It seems to make more sense For our skills to be combined If we share our talents We can leave our woes behind It won’t be a partnership Built on equality My…
Lofty Ambitions
Today I have a goal A target I must hit It really won’t be easy But I’m not going to quit I will persevere all day Until I achieve my aim I’ve failed at this before But today I’ll up my game It might be a touch ambitious A bit beyond my scope But if…
Desperate Lover
I know I said I’d write A poem about you But I can’t do it now Cos I really need the loo You know that I adore you And I would try to write it first But I just can’t hold it in Cos I’m about to burst My poem will be lovely I’m sure…
Good Intentions, Bad Results
This morning I didn’t shower Because I wanted to exercise And it seemed pointless to shower Before I exercised But the day went on And I didn’t exercise Because the requisite motivation Escaped me And everytime I found motivation Something else came up Like meals Meals got in the way Because you can’t exercise Immediately…
Forlornly Fatigued
Sometimes when I feel tired I’m not really that nice And it’s better to avoid me Or make interactions more concise I don’t mean to be so grumpy Like a bear with a sore head But I’m not very good at coping When I spend too little time in bed I’ll be much better tomorrow…
Domestic Drudgery
Oh carpet on the floor What’s with all the crumbs? I vacuumed only last week From where did they all come? I’m sure that I just ironed All those crumpled shirts That they need another pressing Rather disconcerts Those dirty plates and cups Are back sitting in the sink But I only washed them yesterday…
Where Did All The Chocolate Go?
Where did all the chocolate go? I had so much last week But now I cannot find it No matter where I seek? It seems strange that it is gone There was a plentiful supply But it’s nowhere to be seen And I really don’t know why Ok I did eat some of it Back…
My Poem Is Better Than Yours
It might seem disrespectful To compare poems that we wrote But in a poetry competition Mine would get my vote I’m not saying yours is bad, I’m sure it is just fine But alas it isn’t really Quite as good as mine No, I don’t think as a poet You can compete with me But…
Pedantically Proverbial
Music has charms to soothe the savage beast But it can annoy the neighbours at four in the morning And even at other times of day I’d imagine the savage beast Is soothed by some genres more than others The early bird catches the worm Although in truth So the late bird probably catches the…
Thank You For Calling
Thank you for calling Faceless Insurance, Utilities and Mortgages All of our operatives are currently busy However your call is important to us and will be answered shortly Here is some prog rock To keep you entertained while you wait If you’d rather not wait, you could just check The frequently asked questions bit on…
Snow Regrets
Where did all the snow go? There was so much last week But now the temperature has risen And the weather is less bleak I don’t know if it’s better Now that weather is more bland I think I quite enjoyed The winter wonderland It might have been too cold And hard to get around…
Frustratingly Fatigued
Feeling tired is fine at night And much less helpful now But when the time to sleep was right My mind would not allow Unconsciousness to find me So in bed I lay alert I couldn’t get my brain to see That insomnia would hurt Any chance of a productive day So my work I…
Ode To A Pod From A Coffee Snob
What would life be without the pod From which my coffee doth arrive? Of all of the cons considered mod It’s my favourite ogive For without the pod how could I Ensure my daily caffeine Without effort and commitment Of methods so slow they make me cry? But I suppose they are still less obscene…
A Sententious Sonnet
How do I love thee, let me count the ways Although perhaps counting is not for now When I’m trying my best to express how I feel about you today of all days Maths is not a noted way to give praise Quantity of sentiments won’t allow Expressions of feelings of love to thou Indeed,…
While You Were In We Thought You Were Out
One thing in life That I find quite frustrating Is when I have to spend time Endlessly waiting For something or someone That is due to arrive At an unspecified time Between 8 and 5 That’s quite a large window And it makes me feel stressed To spend a whole working day Under house arrest…
Inspired By Insomnia
I find myself insomnolent At three in the morning Can’t get back to sleep Though day is several hours from dawning It’s a frustrating situation Because I am truly tired But I don’t think that I will get The sleep that is required I try to relax by breathing I expand my diaphragm But the…
Stupidly Happy
Oh to be an idiot That would be rather good I’d like to not know anything And not know that I should To be ignorant of my ignorance To be unaware I’m thick To have the intellectual capacity Of a fairly stupid brick I wish I was dim-witted That I understood much less Were I…
Coping With Stress
It’s best not to ponder All of your fears That way lies madness It’ll all end in tears Beating stress is quite simple A doddle in fact Just forget all your woes And you’ll have it cracked There’s no need to focus On tasks uncompleted If you attempt to achieve them You’ll end up defeated…
Financial Fragilities
Now December is over And I’m feeling poor My credit card’s maxed out There are wolves at the door Not literally of course The wolves are metaphoric But there are bills to pay And they’re not allegoric And though Christmas was fun It came and it went And during its course I may have overspent…
Calories Are Not Just For Christmas
It’s not that I’m sick of the festive fare But there still seems to be lots of it everywhere And it’s hard to stop eating high calorie treats When the cupboards are full of chocolates and sweets Willpower has never been a friend of mine If temptation is there then I’ll rarely decline And though…
Impractical But Delightful
I have marshmallow on my face Which is a mild disgrace Though it’s certainly not egg Your understanding I do beg For indeed they are a treat But Walnut Whips are hard to eat
Truffle Tribulations
Oh expensive box of chocolates I don’t know what to do You’re so very pricey I don’t think I should eat you I’m not sure that I’m worthy To enjoy your fancy flavours I’m not sophisticated I won’t take the time to savour The subtle combinations Is that ginger I can taste? I’m afraid the…
Christmas Comedown
I don’t know what I’m watching On my television I didn’t choose the channel That wasn’t my decision It was already chosen When I switched on the screen To change it seems an effort And for that I’ll need caffeine Cos I’m feeling rather tender I’m really not sure why Perhaps I’ve overdone it On…
The Magic Of Twixmas
Though Christmas is over Remain in good cheer For there’s plenty of food To see us through to New Year There are chocolates aplenty A variety of cake There are mince pies and stollen (That I didn’t bake) So much leftover turkey Of that there’s no doubt (But alas linger on Some uneaten sprouts) There…
Cookie Cravings
Dear Internet, please stop showing me All the stuff I could acquire It’s not that I don’t want it For you know that I aspire To wear those funky trainers And play with that new phone But I’m sure I can’t afford All these things I’d like to own And while I do agree That…
