These days I generally schedule my posts in advance, even the bad poetry, which means that I am guilty of committing those crimes against literature in cold blood. But this morning I woke up and realised I had no post scheduled. So this post is as close to a ‘live performance’ as I can get…
Tag: fitness
A Poem That Encapsulates My Inner Monologue When I Go Running
I must have gone insane I’m jogging again It seems a bit perverse There’s a voice inside my brain Telling me to train My conscience is a curse My goals I won’t attain I’m still in the slow lane I think I’m in reverse Running in the rain Doesn’t help much with the pain In…
A Haiku That May Reveal More About My Poor Understanding Of Human Biology Than I Would Wish
When I exercise I may release endorphins But they aren’t grateful
James Predicts The Future
It’s not like me to use misleading titles for my posts. Apart from when it is. And I fear I may have done just that today. Because this post is not going to be me attempting to predict the future in a humorous way, which is probably what the title implies. Nor will it be…
Lose Weight And Feel Great In Three Simple Steps
Hello, I’m James and this is my latest post on a blog I like to call James Proclaims. It’s not really a blog about weight-loss or fitness, although occasionally I have used my own lacklustre attempts to improve my health and wellbeing as the basis for some of my posts, which for the most part…
Striking A Balance
I do exercise Because life is better when I can eat more cake
An Overly Long Post About An Underwhelming Return To Running After Quite A Few Years Of Not Running
Note – I started writing this on Sunday, but didn’t get around to finishing it until today. So every reference to ‘today’, with the exception of the one in the previous sentence, actually refers to Sunday. Not that it matters, but I’d hate for you to feel in any way deceived. Today, according to my…
So You Say You Want A Resolution…
Ah 2020. What a year. I mean it’s obviously only just begun, but I have a feeling that 2020 will be a year like no other. Call it 2020 foresight if you will, but I predict that the year to come will be one that changes everything. But obviously not in a good way. There…
All That Twitters Is Not Trolled
As part of my never ending quest to be able to have my cake and eat it, and then have another slice of cake and eat that too, I have recently taken up swimming. I mean I had swum before, I used to do it quite a lot as a child, and then for a…
Just One More
“Just one more,” is my mantra As I near my breaking point Just one more and I can rest And ease my creaking joints Breathless, broken, sweating An hour of constant pain At the end of which I wonder What exactly do I gain? The answer comes soon after I pick myself up off the…
Stuff I Used To Do But Don’t Do Anymore (Or How I’ve Become A Less Interesting Person Over Time): Part 2 – I Just Kept On Running (Or I Did For A While And Then Gave Up…)
Part 2 of my confessional about how I’ve become a less interesting person over the years and it is time to focus on a perennial lie on my CV – the claim that I enjoy long distance running. To reflect that fact, this is a longer-than-usual post. A marathon of a post if you…
James Complains About Healthy Eating
Much as it pains me to admit it, I’m already too old to ‘live fast and die young’. It’s no longer a goal I can achieve. So instead I’ve decided to ‘live at a moderate pace and die quite old’. In order to ensure that happens I’m going to start making sensible choices about my…
James Reviews a 16kg kettlebell
If like me, you have a track record of buying home fitness equipment and not really using it, then this 16kg kettlebell is just what you’ve been looking for. Unlike that enormous weights bench, which sat in your parents’ garage long after you left home, this kettlebell is relatively easy to transport. A cautionary note,…
James Complains About Monkey Monkey Monkey
You’d never know it to look at me but I’m reasonably fit. Not athletic you understand. I have no actual ability when it comes to sport, but when it comes to taking part there are few people as gifted as me at ‘making up the numbers’. I’m even a member of a local gym. Sometimes…
Way Of The Sloth
Last night I did Kung Fu. It’s not unusual for me to do this on a Thursday night. It’s when the class is. I say I did Kung Fu, the instructor may disagree with my assertion that what I did last night was Kung Fu. He may, in fact, suggest that what I was doing…
James Proclaims! 