James Complains About Healthy Eating


Much as it pains me to admit it, I’m already too old to ‘live fast and die young’. It’s no longer a goal I can achieve. So instead I’ve decided to ‘live at a moderate pace and die quite old’.

In order to ensure that happens I’m going to start making sensible choices about my lifestyle.

I already do a reasonable amount of exercise. I’m no fitness fanatic. I certainly don’t live by the motto ‘no pain no gain’. In my humble opinion there is much to be gained from experiencing no pain.

But I do like a nice walk with Mrs Proclaims every now and again, I do enjoy my twice weekly Kung Fu sessions, and I’m not unfamiliar with the inside of a gym – though I’m as likely to be found relaxing in the jacuzzi as pounding the treadmill.

But I’ve never been all that sensible when it comes to eating.

I like food and in particular I like food that is bad for you.

Up until very recently  I’ve always taken the view that I can eat what I like as long as I exercise.

The problem with that theory is:

  1. I don’t actually do enough exercise to justify it.
  2. Even if I did, it still wouldn’t actually be true.

So in the last week I’ve started to think a little more about what I eat.

And I’ve realised that what eat is far too often cake, or cheese, or cheesecake.

And other miscellaneous stuff that is bad for me.

And what I don’t eat enough of is anything that would constitute one of my ‘five-a-day’. I have definitely not been eating five of those things on a daily basis. I’ve probably managed two on a good day.

And the most irritating thing in all of this is the fact that I can actually cook.

I’m quite good at it.

Mrs Proclaims tells me that my cooking is the best she’s ever tasted.

Mrs Proclaim has worked out that flattery works on me and if she compliments me I will do all the cooking.

But while she’s overstating my skills a little, I’m really not bad at cooking and because Mrs Proclaims is the fake kind of vegetarian that eats fish (otherwise known as a pescatarian), most of the food I cook is quite healthy.

And I quite like eating it.

It’s just that I really like all the bad stuff too.

But I’ve decided to cut all that out in order to live a long and boring life.

I’ve started doing sensible things like making sure I drink enough water, and sometimes eating up to six of those five-a-day thingies. Cos that’s allowed. The five is a minimum apparently – which makes me wonder how I’ve survived this long on less than that.

But the thing is, the really annoying thing is, that after only a few days of eating healthy, I’m actually feeling quite good.

I seem to have more energy, I’m eating less but feeling less hungry and my jeans have definitely started feeling a little looser.

And that is all very frustrating because all I’ve proven is that eating healthily is:

  1. Not that hard to do.
  2. Can have a positive impact in quite a short space of time
  3. Is also quite cost effective.

All of which means that there is no longer any justifiable place in my life for ice-cream. And what is the point of looking and feeling better than you’ve ever looked or felt in your life if you can’t have ice-cream?

There is no point at all.

  14 comments for “James Complains About Healthy Eating

  1. September 5, 2016 at 11:05 pm

    When you mentioned kung fu I was wondering if you could be the next Bruce Lee? As for eating ice cream, go on, a little bit of what you fancy does you good. Otherwise good luck with the diet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 6, 2016 at 6:36 am

      Not a diet – lifestyle change! I will keep eating ice-cream though but I’m having month off to help kick start the new regime…


  2. September 5, 2016 at 11:34 pm

    Be wise. I have had that life threatening triple by-pass. Bacon, pepperoni, sausage all that must go. I’m keeping the ice cream though.

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 6, 2016 at 6:38 am

      I can lose everything else but the ice-cream must stay!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. gigglingfattie
    September 5, 2016 at 11:45 pm

    I think the important part of living a healthy lifestyle is balance and moderation. Of course you can have ice cream! Just maybe not 2 bowls every day. Don’t deprive yourself of the things that you like to eat, just cut back a little bit 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 6, 2016 at 6:40 am

      Don’t worry, I’ll never deprive myself, particularly of ice-cream. The annoying thing is that now I’ve really started taking care of what I eat, I’m actually feeling less inclined to snack, which makes me wonder why I didn’t do this years ago. But it’s early days, it’ll only take one stressful day and the Ben and Jerry’s will be back in the freezer…

      Liked by 1 person

      • gigglingfattie
        September 6, 2016 at 8:01 am

        I am the same way when I try to change my eatting habits lol

        Liked by 1 person

  4. September 6, 2016 at 1:07 pm

    There’s this new Mayan Chocolate – Hagendaas

    Liked by 1 person

  5. September 6, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    Now THAT is funny. 🙂 Nice! (P.S. What style of Kung fu do you do?)

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 6, 2016 at 6:33 pm

      I think it’s my instructor’s ‘own style’ based on a few different ones he’s done over the years. It’s pretty good though, he knows his stuff.

      Liked by 1 person

    September 6, 2016 at 8:32 pm

    You weren’t kidding when you said people find your posts amusing on the community pool. I most definitely did!
    I feel you on the dire need of ice cream. Great post. x)

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 6, 2016 at 9:15 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it – have some ice-cream for me!

      Liked by 1 person

        September 7, 2016 at 4:03 am

        Haha will do. :’)

        Liked by 1 person

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