The Beautiful Game

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Once in a while I like to put aside my own nonsense and compile the gibberish of others to make a ‘found poem’. In reality, I’ve only actually done this three times on my blog, and the last time was back in 2016, so it’s not a regular activity. The last one was in honour of the Rio Olympics and in particular an homage to some of the banal nonsense that the pundits and commentators would come out with.

But if there’s one sport, which has absolutely nailed the art of total banality within its commentary, it would have to be football (or soccer to my US readers).

I don’t attach a massive amount of importance to football, but I’m quite happy to watch it if it’s on the telly, and it is quite a lot at the moment, due to the return of the Premier League as the lockdown eases and the world stumbles towards a state of affairs currently being branded as ‘The New Normal’. Due to the lack of crowds at the games, some of the matches are being shown on terrestrial TV, for free, for the first time in the UK since the 1980s.

So in honour of football’s return, I spent a small amount of time the other night half watching a game while trying to get my ‘daughter who doesn’t like to sleep’ to go to sleep. And for a brief period of time when I thought she had gone to sleep (oh poor naïve fool that I was), I jotted down some of the commentary, which I’d like to present to you today in the form of a poem. Not so much a ‘Found Poem’ as a ‘Heard Poem’.

If you were to stop reading at this point I would not blame you.

If you’d like to persevere, then here it is:

The Beautiful Game

That was nowhere near good enough or acceptable
They’ve not won a tackle
There’s three points at stake here
You’ve got win your first tackle

Can he get it up and over
The goal keeper got a hand on it
An unbelievable save
It shows how much quality is on that free kick

That’s not an easy finish
Look how much time and space he’s got
It’s a good ball
Very very good finish

They look fit and hungry
It’s of massive importance
He’s probably been their best player
Some tidy touches

They’re not even getting on the ball
They’ve got to score the next goal
We spoke about the importance of a fast start
They just seem so pedantic
It’s too predictable
They need creativity
They’ve not even had a shot on target
The players need to look at themselves
They certainly need something
They need a spark

It’s one of them to be honest with you
He’s won the ball cleanly
We have actually seen red cards given for this
There’s no intention
It’s a very harsh one
He got a foot in

The referee has said no foul but that is a foul
And this is in a good position
He just needs to stay on his feet
If they can get one here it just might be the beginning of a comeback

The midfield’s absolutely ran this game
He used the ball very well
It’s gone the other way
He’s no stranger to a yellow card

Heavy touch
Short touch
Corner kick
Well they might get one
But I don’t think they’re going to get two
That’s for sure
Shake of the head from the manager
Injury time and the end of added time and then not much time

Got to expect more there
I can only put it down to tiredness
You had to fancy him one on one there to get his goal

The referee having a little glance at his watch
And there we are
A richly deserved victory
All in all the game was won in the first half
Very thorough professional performance
They’re always well organised
We mentioned that before the game

 

Put It All Out There

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Occasionally I like to put together a medley of things other people wrote into what is commonly known as a ‘Found Poem’. I didn’t invent the idea – loads of people do it. I particularly enjoy the work of comedian Dave Gorman in this genre.

I felt it might be an appropriate genre to apply to the Olympic games and have been paying close attention to the media over the last few days.

Watching the  coverage , I’ve been amused by some of the overly-excited commentary at the various events.  So I’ve transcribed and collated a few bits and pieces into the abomination below. As I heard these little insights rather than read them, I’m going to refer to this little effort as a ‘Heard Poem’.

I’ve no idea if it will catch on as a genre but I’ll certainly be listening to sports commentary and news debates more attentively in the future. Continue reading Put It All Out There

Healthy And Safety Matters

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After the success of my last ‘Found Poem’, I was fairly keen to do another, but I wasn’t sure what to use as my source material.

Then, like a gift, I was asked to attend Health and Safety training at work (because I’m new, not because I’m a danger to myself and colleagues).

I say gift, but that’s two bours of my life I’m never getting back.

On the plus side I am now fully aware of all the health and safety rules that I continue to break on a regular basis.

So that’s something. Continue reading Healthy And Safety Matters

Spamaletto

The more observant among my regular readers will have noticed that I’ve been writing a lot of poetry over the last week or so. It’s mainly because I’m doing yet another WordPress course and this one is called Writing 201: Poetry. Everyday I’ve been writing a different kind of poem and thus far I’ve attempted the following poetry styles – Haiku, Acrostic, Prose, Limerick and Ode.

It all seems to be going to plan, but I thought I’d better offer a bit of an explanation to today’s effort as the task was to put together a ‘Found’ poem.

So I decided to use extracts from my ‘Spam Comments’ folder.

I think you’ll agree that there is a lot of wisdom contained within… Continue reading Spamaletto