James Explains Nothing Very Much At All

James Explains


Admittedly it was something of a risk when I started a regular feature on my blog that was entirely reliant on ‘audience participation’ that there might come a day when the audience chose not to participate.

Or more specifically when I started a feature, which was entirely dependent on other people asking me questions, that there might come a week when no questions were asked.

And that time has arrived, for I have no questions to answer this week.

Or very few anyway.

The ever-reliable Pete did ask a question this week, and actually I believe there remain some unanswered ‘Pete’ questions from previous weeks.

But this is not all about Pete.

It’s a bit about Pete obviously.

But it’s not all about Pete.


So I’ll answer one or more of Pete’s outstanding questions next week, but this week I thought I might try my contingency plan for when the day arrives that even Pete can’t be bothered to ask me any questions.

And my contingency plan is that I will ask myself some questions.

Because, if I’m honest, I am the kind of person that talks to myself quite regularly anyway, so there’s really no harm in doing it in blog form. They say it’s the first sign of madness, but in reality I’m pretty sure that the ship of sanity sailed a long time ago for me.

I mean I’m obviously not claiming to be mad, because that would be conclusive proof that I’m boringly sane and a bit on the dull side. And while I offer no denials that in real life I am a mind-numbingly dull person to spend time with, I’m not sure I always make the sanest of choices.

I’d give you an example of what I mean, but actually that might save this car crash of a post with something resembling interesting content and I’m far too committed to making this as perplexingly bad as I possibly can to allow for anything resembling an interesting narrative at this juncture.

Instead, in for a penny, in for a…

…well a pound seems like bit much, but I’ll certainly go as high as 20p…

So, without further ado, here are this week’s questions:

James, from James Proclaims asks:

What’s going on right now?

Well James, you appear to be having something of a breakdown on your own blog. It’s all quite distressing really.

James, who is also from James Proclaims asks:

Seriously though, why is this happening?

Great question James, and truthfully I’m not sure. Maybe this is some kind of self-aware satire that is genuinely meant to be funny, or maybe this is the very worrying decline of a man in his late thirties, who has finally realised that many of his long-held ambitions are pipe dreams.

James, who to be clear is still the same James as before and is in fact me asks:

Am I going to get through this?

I’m not sure James. Only time will tell. Perhaps lay off the red wine for a few days though eh?

And that’s it for another James Explains. If you never want to see anything quite as tragic on these pages again then please ask a question, any question, in the comments below.

James and I are depending on you.

Disclaimer: I actually did end up getting asked a few questions this week but I’d already written the above nonsense and decided to post it anyway, so apologies if your question went unanswered this week, I’ll definitely answer it next week! Although still ask more questions below and consider the above a cautionary tale of just how low I’m prepared to sink on these pages if I don’t get my own way…


  28 comments for “James Explains Nothing Very Much At All

  1. Bryntin
    February 20, 2018 at 10:30 am

    Sorry James, my son didn’t visit this week. Which is probably good news for red and blue M&M’s.
    However, your post does conjure up a question I can ask which, rather cleverly I think, actually has the word ‘conjure’ in it.
    James, it is often said that you can ‘conjure up something from thin air’. What I want to know is, how thin is the air normally from which things can be conjured? And do you know where the things come from? As a side question, how often do you have to say the word ‘conjured’ to start thinking it sounds pretty odd because it seems to be about five to me?

    Liked by 4 people

    • February 20, 2018 at 6:09 pm

      Now these are questions I can get on board with. Welcome back Bryntin!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. February 20, 2018 at 10:49 am

    Hi James, it looks like Bryntin, who is probably a relative of Rin Tin Tin (the dog) has asked too many questions. Is he barking mad?

    Liked by 3 people

    • Bryntin
      February 20, 2018 at 11:46 am

      Oi, Rin Tin Tin was my uncle and was definitely not mad. He was from the small and furry side of the family though.

      Liked by 1 person

      • February 20, 2018 at 6:12 pm

        I should say he wasn’t mad! He was a war hero for goodness sake!


  3. February 20, 2018 at 11:42 am

    I thought the first sign of madness was a hairy palm? …..and we all know what the second sign is don’t we? Now, there’s a question!

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 20, 2018 at 6:13 pm

      You never let me down Pete!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Suze
    February 20, 2018 at 2:44 pm

    Lovely post (no, it wasn’t) and very thought provoking (if one is a bit slow on the uptake). So very happy to see you carry on even without the adoration and questions of others….well sort of happy. And, such erudite commentary from the followers as well! Since Rin Tin Tin’s nephew (neice?) posed one, I have a second…how could anyone with taste call a perfectly nice dog “Rin Tin Tin”? Why repeat the “tin”? did the person that named that poor beast a stutterer?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bryntin
      February 20, 2018 at 2:55 pm

      Could have been worse, he might have been Tintin’s dog.
      “Oh, here comes Tintin and Rin TIn Tin…”
      Sorry James, I’ll stop hogging your blog now…

      Liked by 3 people

      • February 20, 2018 at 3:44 pm

        Boynton – A new low, sir. Consider yourself blacklisted (again).

        Liked by 1 person

  5. February 20, 2018 at 3:01 pm

    I’ve just been browsing your “Films I watched When I was Younger” feature. In that vein I thought I’d fire some film related question at you.

    1. What film has been sitting on your shelf for the last six months waiting to be watched?

    2. What is the one film you know word for word?

    3. What screen character breaks your heart?

    4. If you could bring an actor back from the dead, and had to pair them on screen with a current actor (who is no older than 40), what would your combo be?

    5. How often do you check your phone in the cinema?

    6. What film do you love which no-one else quite seems to ‘get’?

    7. What is your favourite Al Pacino film?

    8. Why do they always manage to make us go one size bigger with the popcorn?

    9. Share one memory from a cinema visit long ago.

    10. Have you ever used a line from a movie, in your life, without anyone knowing you stole it? Give details.

    Liked by 4 people

    • February 20, 2018 at 6:15 pm

      Gosh, I’ll have to dedicate a whole ‘James Explains’ to you just to answer that lot. But challenge accepted!


  6. February 20, 2018 at 3:58 pm

    Hilarious post, James. I shall dive into the archives now . . .

    And thanks BTW for liking and following me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 20, 2018 at 6:15 pm

      The pleasure is all mine Wilt. Enjoy the archives!


  7. February 20, 2018 at 7:10 pm

    Isn’t it possible that John Lennon was factually correct when he said the Beatles were bigger than Jesus?

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 20, 2018 at 7:12 pm

      … given that there were 4 Beatles and 1 Jesus, whether you stack them lengthwise or side to side, the Beatles would almost certainly be bigger?

      Liked by 1 person

      • February 20, 2018 at 7:25 pm

        I think you’ve answered your own question there but I’ll try and bring something new to the table!


  8. sportsattitudes
    February 20, 2018 at 7:45 pm

    I used to do a semi-regular feature where I answered questions about the sports world which people had sent to me…which of course they did not…and which of course I let the reading audience in on that fact. I thought talking to myself online was quite fun. At least that’s what I told myself…:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 20, 2018 at 8:30 pm

      Blind optimism in the face of adversity is really the only way to go…

      Liked by 2 people

  9. February 20, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    Here’s to self-aware satire!

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 20, 2018 at 8:31 pm

      The best form of self-defence there is!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Jay
    February 21, 2018 at 2:33 am

    I guess we all owe a great deal to Pete!
    Three cheers for Pete!

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 21, 2018 at 4:34 am

      He is nothing less than a hero!


  11. February 25, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    I didn’t know you were asking for real questions. How did that happen?

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 25, 2018 at 1:55 pm

      I’m not really sure, but I’m fairly certain it was a mistake…

      Liked by 1 person

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