Author: James

I'm a fairly nice bloke. You'd probably like me if you met me.

European Disunion

Today is apparently a big day for the UK in terms of our relationship with the rest of Europe. Our beloved Prime Minister, and genuine man of the people (you may detect a hint of sarcasm but I offer no comment), is trying to negotiate a better deal for us, with many predicting that the…

James Does It Himself

Hello dear reader and welcome back to James Proclaims. You catch me in the middle of a construction project. I’m currently building a chest of drawers with my own bare hands. Impressive eh? Admittedly someone has already cut the wood to convenient lengths, predrilled some holes and delivered it to me in a cardboard box…

James Complains About Stupid Retailers

I do most of my shopping online. I’m not especially a cliché of masculinity that detests the idea of actually going into shops. I like going into shops and looking at stuff I might want to own. I’m very much a consumer in spirit and there are lots of things that I think, if I owned…

Having My Cake And Eating It

Why do I avoid The things that are good for me In favour of the things that are bad? I know I’m happier When I’m healthier And usually I’m wealthier Because the bad stuff is more expensive Than the good

My Despicable Deadline

Oh deadline, I remember when you were just a speck In the professor’s eye No more threatening Than an ant And look at you now All grown up And looming large over me A vicious unrelenting bully

Going With The Flow

Though I allude to it rarely, I have stated elsewhere on this site that I am, by profession, a teacher. I don’t like to mention it often because this blog is meant to be a kind of escapism from the daily grind and though things happen at work, from time to time, that amuse me,…

My 2015 Blog Report

I wasn’t going to post anything today. I haven’t really got anything to write about. I’m still very much in the weird world of Twixmas, whereby I know that Christmas is ostensibly over, but there’s still a Christmas tree in my living room and lots of really unhealthy food in the house. I’m also still…

Lest We Forget The True Meaning Of Boxing Day

Boxing Day, as it turns out, has very little to do with pugilism. This message did not get through, perhaps, to the early bird consumers featured on the news this morning, scrabbling to get bargains in the post-Christmas sales, although it didn’t seem like there was much respect for the ‘Marquess of Queensberry Rules’ amongst…

A Christmas Message From James Proclaims

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring… Except for an overweight bloke, dressed in red and filling a stocking full of presents. No, not Father Christmas, but me. I’m not dressed entirely in red, but I am wearing a red top. It’s a replica of the rugby…

A Christmas Card Conundrum

Neither Mrs Proclaims nor I are particularly good at remembering to send Christmas cards. In the past we have bought cards to send, made a list of who we’re going to send them to and even purchased the postage stamps but somehow they don’t actually make it as far as the post box. This year…

Quality Is Overrated

Happy Cyber Monday! Words to warm even the coldest of hearts as November draws to a close. Not some dystopian vision of a future in which robots control our every movement, but a cheerless reminder of our mercantile present.

It’s Just Another Thursday Here

It didn’t really occur to me when I started this blog that I would have any readers outside of my existing friends and family, and I imagined that even they would probably only give it a cursory glance from time to time, and then only out of a weary sense of loyalty.

When Did ‘Sleep’ Become A Unit Of Time?

A senior colleague announced today that it’s thirty more sleeps till Christmas. Maybe for you grandpa, I thought to myself before remembering that I too am now a grownup and and can no longer be found in trendy nightclubs, drinking and dancing till dawn. Actually was there ever a time when I did that? Probably…