Category: Humour

Doing Precisely What We’ve Done 18 Times Before Is Exactly The Last Thing They’ll Expect Us To Do This Time

As I write this it is Monday morning, and we’ve yet to formally hear any details of Boris Johnson’s ‘roadmap’ to lifting lockdown. He’s going to speak later. But details have been leaked. And those details look suspiciously like the ‘roadmap’ out of lockdown 1. Is it unfair of me to compare our very real…

A Rapid Rhyme About Drinking Beer

Recently I fear I’ve been drinking too much beer Though it might be less risky Than consuming excess whisky It has often been my way To knock back an IPA I find you cannot fail With a decent pale ale Though I’d probably be fitter If I eased off on the bitter I know I…

A Poem That Is Intentionally Boring

This poem is quite boring This poem’s not interesting This poem is monotonous This poem is tedious This poem is repetitious This poem is repetitiousThis poem’s unimaginative This poem is repetitive This poem is repetitive This poem is unimaginative This poem is repetitious This poem is repetitiousThis poem is tedious This poem is monotonous This…

Virtual Participation

The other day I had to attend a conference of sorts. It’s not a regular feature of my job but it happens once in a while. In normal times ‘attending’ would have meant driving or travelling by train for an hour or so, rolling up at a venue, enjoying some free coffee (and hopefully a…

A Silly Poem For My Wife On Valentine’s Day

Please be mine On this day of Valentine It’s not like you have a choice So you might as well rejoice Because you are my wife And that’s a job for life Unless of course You have grounds for divorce But you’ve stuck with me this long To leave now would be wrong And if…

I Want To Help You Daddy

The other day I was giving Little Proclaims a bath. I say ‘giving her a bath’, but these days my main function is to get the water to the right temperature and then hover in the background while she plays with her plastic ducks. It’s certainly not an unpleasant part of the evening but I…

A Poem That Mainly Laments February

February is a short month Even when it’s long But if you think that brevity Makes it easier, you’re wrong February is still quite hard The weather is still cold And the days are still much shorter Than I’d like if truth be told Oh things improve toward the end Of February’s short stint Pay…

A Short Poem About Vaccines

Despite recent tub-thumping about vaccine supplies I for one have not taken my eyes off the prize For when this will be over, we are all none the wiser So I’ll forego my AstraZeneca and hang on for a Pfizer

Snow Delightful

“Do you want to build a snowman?” a young Anna sings plaintively to her older sister, Elsa, secure in the knowledge that this offer will be rejected as it always is. I know this because Little Proclaims, my two-year-old daughter, is a fan of the hit Disney movie Frozen. Well, less a fan of the…