It’s the afternoon of Saturday 25th June 2022, as I sit down to write this, and thus attempt to mark the end of a three month sabbatical from blogging. As with many of my previous absences, I had not intended to be away for quite so long but once I lapse into a state of…
Category: Humour
James Complains About A Lamentable Trip To A Supermarket
It’s been a while since last I blogged and in that time the world has gone from being predominantly concerned with a pandemic to being predominantly concerned with a war. This is hardly an improvement all things considered. Indeed so horrendous is the current status quo, that I need to acknowledge, from the outset, that…
A Cheesy Post About The Dangers Of Homophones
As January comes to an end, much to the relief, no doubt, of people who like to blame arbitrary measures of time for all the ills in the world, I am given pause to reflect on how little I would have achieved had I made any New Year Resolutions. Fortunately I did not, so any…
Free Verse About The Value Of Money
I tried explaining That money isn’t everything That it can’t buy you happiness That it can’t buy you love That it is, in fact The root of all evil That, as much as I might try I can’t put my money Where my mouth is Because my mouth is already there And money makes a…
A Post About That Is Partly About Phones And Partly About The Imagination Of A Small Child
It’s Sunday evening as I write this and thus the end of the first weekend after the post-Christmas return to work. It was not a vintage weekend – it started with a broken phone. A few years back a broken phone meant very little to me – I even once blogged about how little inconvenience…
Free Verse About Policies
It’s an old adage That honesty is the best policy But one doesn’t often find honesty In many policies One may find statements With synonyms of honestyAmbitions of honesty And a general sense of honestyWithin the document But by and large When contrasting Policy and practice The policy will Generally be found To be dishonest…
Free Verse About Pandemics
It turns out That pandemics are not just about Highly infectious diseases They are also about Competency Logistics And cooperation Either exemplary Or a lack thereof And they are about values Sometimes shared Often not And about divisions in society Some previously unseen Others exacerbated And as they go on And on And on They…
Free Verse About An Early Morning Run In January
In the early hours of A crisp January morning I went for a run My way was initially lit By street lamps Whose reflections sparkled Like glitter In the ground frost belowBut as I hit the banks of the Thames The darkness was punctuatedOnly by the stars above me Shining brightly in the clear winter…
Flash Fiction About The Perils Of Time Travel
Damien awoke with a start to discover another person in his bedroom. At first he thought he was dreaming as the other person, though considerably older and dressed in an outlandish pink suit, looked alarmingly like…well… like Damien. “Hello,” said Damien, who in spite of this clear intrusion of his personal space, was never one…
A Rapid Rhyme That Claims (Somewhat Unconvincingly) Not To Be About Christmas
This poem is not about Christmas So please don’t mistake it for that I’m already back into ‘work mode’ And considering being less fat No I’m not even thinking of Christmas As I write these words on the page I don’t have a craving for turkey And stuffing of onion and sage Christmas is but…
Yet Another Rapid Rhyme About The Denouement Of Christmas
Back to work after Christmas break It’s all downhill from here Can’t dress in festive loungewear Can’t start the day with a beer My suit is now a little tight And I really can’t think why Perhaps I’ll mull it over While I eat one last mince pie It seems unfair to be back at…
Another Rapid Rhyme About The Denouement Of Christmas
So we’ve reached the end of Christmas (Well we’re there or thereabouts) And somehow I’ve survived Though at times I had my doubts But as the festive feasting Is replaced by brutal workouts I’m still left to ponder Why did I buy so many sprouts?
A Rapid Rhyme About The Denouement Of Christmas
Epiphany is still yet days away The fridge contains leftover roast But it’s clear that the holiday’s over Christmas Spirit has given up the ghost I’m not quite prepared to eschew The remaining Christmas delights But I need to get back to normality And have a few earlier nights So today the tree must come…
A Resolutionary Vision
It’s New Year’s Day and thus time to lift myself out of the pit of Christmas excess and make some empty promises about how much better I’m going to be moving forwards. I like to make such annual pledges in the form of a blog post, so that I have a record to look back…
The Formulaic James Proclaims New Year’s Eve Review Of The Year That Was
It’s New Years Eve and tradition dictates that I must review the year gone by for fear that no-one else will think to do it and the year would end unreviewed. Which would be a disaster. This year, the year that will be being reviewed is 2021. The best thing about 2021 was that it…
A Limerick That Mistakenly Blames A General Sense Of Discontentment On An Abstract Measure Of Time
Can it still be 2021? It’s almost but not quite yet done ‘Twas no 2020 But still I’ve had plenty And I hope that next year is more fun
Free Verse About The True Meaning Of Christmas
As I get older I’m not sure I get wiser But sometimes my perspective can shift And views I once held Now seem as alien to me As an actual alien might seem If aliens existedAnd I were to meet one of them My perspective on Christmas Has certainly changed Many times over the years…
A Rapid Rhyme About Overindulgence Between Christmas And New Year
Though Christmas is over It still lingers on There remain treats aplenty To feast upon I’m not sure I can stop With so much to choose And when I get thirsty There’s no shortage of booze Balance can be found With the occassional sprout Which I’m sure will allay The onset of gout. New Year…
Bonus Boxing Day
Yesterday was Boxing Day, but today is also Boxing Day. Although perhaps there is no such thing as Boxing Day. It depends on where you are in the world I suppose. I don’t think Boxing Day shares the same international reknown as Christmas Day. And my blog, insofar as it has a readership (which is…
An Etymologically Dubious Poem About Boxing Day
The day after Christmas Is called Boxing Day Although quite why it’s called this I just couldn’t say But perhaps after a day With excited offspring We need to let off some steam And step into the ring After all that excess It’s a nice change of pace To put on some gloves And punch…
The Seventh Annual Christmas Message from James Proclaims
And so this is ChristmasAnd what have you done?Probably not very muchA new variant’s just begun. Yes it’s another Covid Christmas. I’m all for Christmas traditions, but I’m not sure I’m a massive fan of this one. Still, it’s not like I had huge plans this year. I was always intending to stay at home…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 24
Another Christmas Eve is upon us. Thus I must conclude my annual homage to movies which aren’t necessarily Christmas films, but which could, nonetheless, be considered a bit Christmas(ish). As of this post, I have entered 120 films into this most prestigious ‘Hall of Fame’ and I’ve already got another 24 lined up for next…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 23
I’ve been meaning to watch 1934’s The Thin Man ever since I started doing this pointless annual festive film countdown. I knew it would make the cut, but it was seemingly always ‘out of print’; I couldn’t find a copy of the movie that wasn’t ludicrously expensive so my ambitions were thwarted. Fortunately this year…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 22
1944 musical Meet Me In St. Louis is a film about a family that really like living in St. Louis. I don’t think it would be too disingenuous to claim that it’s not really about much else. There are a few subplots involving the love lives of the older siblings and some others involving the…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 21
The 1991 incarnation of The Adams Family was my introduction to that creepiest and kookiest of families. Indeed, although I’m sure I saw the 1993 sequel, Adams Family Values, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen any other iteration of the franchise. Which is strange, because I really loved this movie when it came out. I’m…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 20
I’ve never read the 1969 novel, The Poseidon Adventure but it must be pretty good because it has been adapted three times for the screen. Although up until 2005 there was only one adaptation, which was the 1972 movie of the same name. I’ve never seen that either, but I’d have thought one adaptation of…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 19
I had no interest in watching 1995’s While You Were Sleeping. Ever. I haven’t entirely swerved rom-coms in my annual advent compendium of movies that are slightly Christmas(ish) but the ones I have included have, by and large, been movies I’d already seen. Because sometimes I have to watch rom-coms. It’s part of the deal…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 18
I often have misgivings about movies that are based on real life events, and similar misgivings about movies that win ‘Best Picture’ at the Academy awards. While they can be relied upon to be thought-provoking and powerful, they can also be a little bit hard going. I had no doubt that 2018’s Green Book would…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 17
2013’s I Give It A Year is a sort of anti-rom-com, about a ‘happily ever after’ that doesn’t pan out the way it is supposed to. It’s an interesting concept but in many respects it plays like an actual rom-com, and it relies so much on being fed by the hand it is ostensibly trying…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 16
A slow-moving film centred around nineteen-fifties haute-couture would normally be a pretty hard sell for me. But when it is written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson and features the final big-screen appearance of Daniel Day-Lewis prior to his most recent retirement, then even I can be convinced that it might be worth a watch.…
The Fifth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Door 15
The plot of 2017 drama ‘The Wife’ does rather hinge on a twist, and it is quite a predictable twist. But just because you can spot the revelation long before it’s revealed, does not make the journey any less enjoyable. Glenn Close gives an understated but brilliant performance as the titular character, while Jonathan Pryce…
James Proclaims! 