Author: James

I'm a fairly nice bloke. You'd probably like me if you met me.

It’s not all like Hogwarts…

Today’s Writing 101 task was to expand on an insightful comment that I had made on another person’s blog. All well and good, except I haven’t written too many comments on other people’s blogs in the last few weeks. I’ve barely kept up with writing posts for this blog.

Fulfilling my Quota

For today’s Writing 101 task, I need to produce something based on a quote. I do like a good quote, but I resent writing blog posts based on something clever that someone else said. People should be quoting me dammit!

Where does James Proclaim?

Today’s assignment on Writing 101 came in two parts. One part was to create a poll asking my readers for suggestions for me to write about in a future task. I haven’t done a poll but if anyone reading this has a burning desire to read my take on a particular topic then please comment below. The…

Keith’s Attic

I’ve fallen behind on Writing 101, but fortunately they give you the weekend off so I can catch up by posting Thursday’s assignment today and doing Friday’s assignment tomorrow. Thursday’s task was to write a post inspired by a picture. We were given a choice of four and I chose the one below. As I…

Why I Write

Hello readers of ‘James Proclaims’, whoever and wherever you may be. If you’re tuning in on a Monday then you’re probably looking for my ‘hilarious’ regular feature ‘James Complains’. But it’s not here. Instead there’s this. But what is ‘this’? Well I’ve only gone and signed up for another of those blogging courses that WordPress…

The Limerick Code

I feel a mild disclaimer is required for this particular piece of fiction. I hope it’s clear that I’m parodying a particular genre and everything below was written with tongue firmly in cheek. Nonetheless I can’t ignore the fact that this particular genre is quite popular commercially so I reserve the right to adopt ‘Professor…

To The Manor, Forlorn

“We’re definitely lost,” Sally groaned as the path yielded yet more seemingly identical trees, “Let’s just go back.” “We’re not lost,” argued Matt irritably, “if we keep following this path, we’ll definitely get to the Manor”

In Convenience

The vulgar chime of the shop door announced her arrival. Darren didn’t know her name. He knew that she worked in a nearby office. He knew also that she always bought a chicken and sweetcorn sandwich and a Diet Coke for lunch. And he knew she had a nice smile. He was certain about that.

The Deadline

Rufus could barely keep his eyes open, but unhealthy levels of caffeine and sugar were just about preventing him from falling asleep at his desk. He took another gulp of his coffee. It was cold. Did he have time to make another? He looked at the screen. He felt like he had been staring at…

James Reviews Sudoku Themed Toilet Paper

What do you get the man who has everything? Probably not Sudoku Loo Roll. He’ll already have some if he’s got everything and no-one needs two rolls of Sudoku themed toilet paper. But if you’re trying to buy a gift for the man who never really wants anything, then Sudoku Loo Roll could well be…

The votes are in!

Last week I decided to peer review my tagline. It was quite an exciting day in blogging terms. I created a poll and invited the world at large to choose between my existing tagline and two new ones.

The Pre-Audition

Chantelle knew she had what it took to be a pop star. It was, as she explained to the young producer, indeed as she’d explained to anyone who would listen to her, a lifelong dream. Whether at nineteen years of age it was yet possible for Chantelle to have a ‘lifelong dream’ was perhaps a…

James Reviews a 16kg kettlebell

If like me, you have a track record of buying home fitness equipment and not really using it, then this 16kg kettlebell is just what you’ve been looking for. Unlike that enormous weights bench, which sat in your parents’ garage long after you left home, this kettlebell is relatively easy to transport. A cautionary note,…

‘James Proclaims’ Needs You!

Hello dear readers! There has been talk of late about the tagline of this blog. Most of this talk has come from me. It’s of little interest to the vast majority of people. Nonetheless, the ‘catchiness’ of the tagline has been brought into question. The current tagline is: ‘The irreverent and irrelevant ramblings of a…

More About Me

In a controversial move,  I’ve decided to redo Blogging 101 – the online blogging course run by WordPress. If you’re a longstanding reader (if you can be a longstanding reader of a blog which is still less than three months old), you’ll know that I did Blogging 101 in June. You’ll know because I wrote…

La Fontaine

Pete looked incredulously at the winged serpenty-lions gushing water into the fountain. According to his online guide, they were supposed to be dragons. But the heads were definitely lions. And the bodies were snakes. What do you get when you cross a lion and a snake? Not a bloody dragon that’s for sure. He was…